Azure turned in bed again, groaning, unable to fall asleep. Laid on her back, she looked up at the ceiling.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Footsteps.
She forced her eyelids closed, so strongly it almost hurt. Her bed creaked, and she felt Gabriella's head on her chest, her left hand falling on her wife's side.
She's not real. She's not real. She's not real.
"Why are you here?" Azure whispered, her skin burning at the contact of her wife's fingers.
"I don't know, why am I?" Gabriella replied, and Azure could hear the smile in her voice.
"I know you're not real," Azure mumbled, her voice almost tinged with annoyance.
It wasn't the first time she had hallucinated. Or maybe she was dreaming awake. Either way, it wasn't the first time her wife had visited her after her death. Each time hurting more than the last, knowing it wasn't real. Knowing
that no matter how much she wished it to be, Gabriella could never truly be there with her again.
Gabriella's presence, though comforting in its familiarity, only served to reopen old wounds and dredge up painful memories that Azure had fought so hard to bury. Each time she appeared, it was like a cruel reminder of everything that Azure had lost, a phantom echo of a love that could never be reclaimed.
"I just missed you," Gabriella replied, shrugging.
She knew it wasn't true. Knew that the Gabriella that was talking to her was a manifestation of her subconscious mind.
"You shouldn't be here." Azure's voice trailed off, her words hanging heavy in the air as she struggled to articulate the conflicting emotions swirling within her.
"Enjoy it while it lasts, right?" Gabriella giggled. That fucking giggle that used to send shivers down Azure's spine and make her heart skip a beat. It was so achingly familiar, yet painfully distant at the same time. Azure clenched her fists, fighting against the flood of memories threatening to overwhelm her.
"I don't want to enjoy it," Azure whispered, her voice barely above a breath. "It only makes it harder when you're gone again."
Gabriella's laughter faded, replaced by a somber silence that hung heavy in the air. For a moment, neither of them spoke, the weight of their shared grief palpable in the darkness.
"I'm sorry," Gabriella finally said, her voice soft and remorseful. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Azure sighed, the tension draining from her body as she reached out to gently stroke Gabriella's hair. "I know," she murmured, her voice thick with emotion.
"Why am I here, Aze?" Gabriella asked again.
Because every time Gabriella came back, was when Azure's life was at its lowest. When something had happened. Something that shook Azure to her core, leaving her vulnerable and alone. It was as if her subconscious conjured Gabriella's presence as a means of seeking solace and comfort in the face of overwhelming pain and despair.
"I... I had my first game with Arsenal today." Azure admitted, her voice barely above a whisper as she struggled to articulate the turmoil roiling within her. "It was... a lot."
Gabriella's expression softened, her eyes filled with understanding as she reached out to gently cup Azure's cheek. "I'm proud of you, Aze," she said, her voice filled with genuine warmth and affection. "You've come so far, and I know you'll keep going, no matter what."
Azure nodded, her eyes still closed. "I... I couldn't really enjoy it though. 'Cause..." Azure started, then sighed. "Well first, because you're not actually here to see that. But also because.. there is this girl, in my team. And I don't know why, but..." Azure trailed off, her voice faltering as she struggled to find the right words to express the tangled mess of emotions swirling within her. She knew that confessing her feelings for Katie, even to a figment of her imagination, would only serve to complicate an already fraught situation.
