That night, lying in bed, Azure found herself completely unable to fall asleep.
The room was dark and quiet, but inside her head, it was anything but.
She replayed the events of the day over and over, from their heated make-out session to the conversation that followed. Katie had asked her to be her girlfriend. The words echoed in her mind, sending a rush of guilt through her every time she thought about them.
She had said yes.
After swearing to herself she wouldn't get close to anyone, even in a friendly manner, after her wife had passed, here she was, falling head over heels for someone who challenged her in ways she hadn't anticipated. The walls she'd built around her heart seemed to crumble bit by bit whenever Katie was near.
The irony wasn't lost on her. Azure had built walls around her heart, fortified with grief and fear, only for Katie to come crashing through them with her stupid green eyes, and her stupid tan skin, and her stupid infectious laugh.
Oh, also, her stupid accent.
The way she said "mate" and "cheers" made Azure's heart flutter despite herself. It was infuriating and endearing all at once. She'd always been so strong, so self-reliant. Letting someone in, letting Katie in, felt like both a risk and a revelation.
She turned over in bed, staring at the ceiling. The moonlight filtering through the curtains cast a soft glow on the walls, a stark contrast to the tumult in her mind. She could almost hear Katie's laugh, feel the warmth of her touch, and it brought a smile to her lips.
But the doubts lingered. What if this didn't work out? What if she lost Katie too? The fear of loss loomed over her like a dark cloud, threatening to overshadow the happiness she felt. She had already lost so much. The thought of going through that pain again was almost unbearable.
Azure reached out for her phone, the glow of the screen piercing the darkness of the room.
Her lock screen was still the same as it was before; Gabriella. She didn't have the heart to change it.
She hesitated for a moment, her thumb hovering over Katie's contact. She didn't want to seem needy or insecure, but the thoughts swirling in her mind demanded some kind of resolution.
She finally decided to send a simple message:
Azure: Can't sleep. Thinking about today.
She hit send, then lay back, staring at the ceiling once more.
Chances were, at this time of night, Katie was sound asleep.
Azure took a deep breath, trying to calm the whirlwind of thoughts in her mind. She knew she needed to give herself a break, to let herself be happy without second-guessing every moment. It was just...so hard to let go of the past, to trust that the future could be kind.
When Katie didn't answer, Azure dug into her brain, trying to find who could, at this hour, answer a text from her.
Because it's not just that she couldn't sleep. It's also that she felt like drinking.
And that wasn't good.
But there was only one person she felt like talking to.
Katie fucking McCabe.
Her girlfriend.
It still felt weird. So weird. Too weird.
Azure sighed and stared at her phone, willing it to buzz with a message from Katie. She rolled over again, her mind replaying every moment, every smile, and every kiss they'd shared. The fear of losing Katie, of opening herself up only to be hurt again, gnawed at her.
