Azure woke up in a bad mood.
Some sort of realization mood. She felt lame.
Actually lame.
She felt okay as a girlfriend, okay as a human.
Fucking lame as a football player.
She wasn't sure if it came from her season's underwhelming statistics, the fact that she wasn't playing in the Champions League, or the fact that they had lost against a relatively mediocre team last week, but the weight of it all pressed down on her, making it almost hard to breathe.
Azure sat up in bed, staring at the morning light filtering through the curtains, feeling its brightness as an affront to her dark mood. She rubbed her eyes, trying to shake off the sense of inadequacy that clung to her.
Katie stirred beside her, sensing Azure's unrest even in her sleep. She mumbled something incoherent and rolled over, her arm draping across Azure's lap. Azure gently lifted Katie's arm and slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her. She needed some space to clear her head.
Padding quietly to the kitchen, Azure put on a pot of coffee, the familiar routine offering a small comfort.
Coffee in hand, she sat on the couch and turned on the TV to last week's highlights, watching with a critical eye. The commentators' voices droned on, dissecting the match, pointing out every flaw and missed opportunity. Each critique felt like a personal stab, deepening her sense of inadequacy.
She sipped her coffee, the bitterness mirroring her mood. The replay showed her fumbling a pass, then missing a critical shot on goal. She clenched her jaw, remembering the frustration and disappointment she felt at that moment.
The words of her coach echoed in her mind: "You need to focus, Azure. You've got the talent, but you're not using it." She knew he was right, but knowing and doing were two different things.
The living room was filled with the soft murmur of the television, the clinking of her spoon against the mug, and the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall. Each sound seemed to amplify her thoughts, making the room feel both vast and suffocating.
She wondered how she went from winning the Ballon d'Or to missing an open shot against the 11th in the league. Maybe she had lost her edge. Maybe 23 was too old. Maybe she was too distracted, too in love. Too happy.
She never would've missed that back in Barcelona. She would've been broken, depressed, and lonely, but she wouldn't have missed an open shot.
Azure stared at the screen, feeling the anger simmering beneath her calm exterior. The highlights were like a cruel reminder, each missed opportunity playing in an endless loop in her mind.
She couldn't quite pinpoint the exact moment things had shifted. Was it when she moved to London? The comfort of being close to Katie? The shift from the intensity of Barcelona to the more relaxed atmosphere at her current club? Maybe it was a combination of everything, the culmination of small changes that had left her feeling disconnected from the fierce player she once was.
She turned off the TV before Katie got up, knowing her girlfriend would instantly worry about her.
She focused on making breakfast instead, as they had training in less than one and a half hours.
Laura came out of her room before Katie did, visibly unaware of Azure's inner turmoil.
"Good morning," she mumbled, her Austrian accent in full force, probably due to the early hour. Azure forced a smile, trying to push aside her lingering frustration.
"Morning, Laura," Azure replied, her tone slightly forced. She set about making breakfast, the routine helping to ground her thoughts. She cracked eggs into a bowl, the familiar sound echoing in the quiet kitchen.
