To be Loki'd - Loki x fem reader

Chapter 30 - Loki wasn't there

Numb. 

Empty. 

Alone. 

Cold. 

That's how you felt once his presence had left you. As if you had been stripped bare and pushed back into a fierce, hard world. 

Thor kept looking at you, checking if you were alright. But your face was expressionless, gone in the midst of reliving your memories. Jane fiddled with her attire, her nails, feeling slightly remorseful for Loki's death and your heartache. 

No, it wasn't just heartache. It was heart stabbing, heart ripping, heart destroying pain. You had given it to him and him only, only for Loki to die with it. Perhaps not all fairy tales ended with happily ever after. 

One after the other, you replayed in your mind the best memories you had alongside Loki, sun kissed and joy infused. It killed you even more to see those, to watch the movie of your happy times now that he had been cruelly ripped from you. 

The three of you were walking, kicking up dust with your feet as you were leaving this dry plane. 

"Lady Y/n?", Thor tried tentatively, unsure as if he should even try to converse with you. Your e/c eyes were empty, devoid of their usual spark. It hurt him to see you this way, so desolate yet hidden behind a mask of nothingness. Thor had considered you his sister when Loki announced you as his kaerasta and even before. You had brought him sunny days and help into rekindling his bond with his mischievious brother. But now that Loki was no more, what could you both do?

"Hm?" 

"Are you in need of comfort?" 

The attention touched you, truly, but it wouldn't help soothe your heart at least not permanently. You didn't feel like indulging in human contact at least not right now. You felt alone and wanted to be alone. "I'm fine.", you dismissed with an even tone that betrayed nothing of how biting the pain was within you. 

"Please forgive me if I do not believe you." 

You tried to push the conversation away from you and your feelings and towards the strenuous walk you were doing. Dunes and dunes of coarse sandy earth surrounded you as the three of you trekked on. "Where are we going?" 

"To fight Malekith.", Thor replied immediately, throwing his hammer back and forth into his large palm. His dirtied red cape still flowed after him as did his blonde waves of hair.

Jane quipped, "The area of the convergence will be London." 

You prevented yourself from scoffing scornfully. You didn't care. Loki wasn't here because she had messed with things she shouldn't have. A part of you refused to treat Jane so unfairly but the grief was so strong, you felt an urgent need to blame it on someone, anyone. 

You had never truly appreciated her anyways. 

"If you do not wish to partake in the fight, you can call upon your team to come rejoin with you.", the god offered, feeling your unstable emotional state. As you were, your powers could be overly powerful or uncontrollable. That and the fact you simply needed time. 

"I'll do that, I'm sorry." 

"No need to fret Lady Y/n, you have done much for us already. Mother could have died without your bravery, and that, without seeing Loki being truly happy whilst loving another and being loved in return." 

"Thanks Thor." , you mumbled, feeling your throat starting to tie itself up. 

Somehow, you had reached a spot where signal was good and unpocketed your phone, placing a call to Tony. You couldn't stay here any longer, it felt like the earth screamed with the spilt blood of your lover.