We go down, together

Sebastian

Solomon's house was hauntingly silent and eerily cold. It had served as my prison the past six days. Every corner echoed laughter and memories, it had made me want to crawl out of my skin. Black had granted me one week free of classes to "get my affairs in order" and then I "needed to promptly get back to business as we have to look good in front of The Ministry." Clearly the death of one of his own students was just a huge inconvenience.

I spent the days avoiding contact with any object that Anne might have cherished. If the dust was left undisturbed, perhaps I could continue with the lie that she was still alive somewhere. However the old books and blankets left untouched only served as a constant reminder of the absence of her. The familiar spaces filled with the ghostly remnants of what used to be. I found solace in the old armchair by the fire, the lingering scent of Solomon preferable to my sister's.

Every day felt like a battle against the suffocating fog of despair. The world felt so empty, I have never felt more alone. All of my mistakes felt like boulders stacked high on my chest, I was drowning under the weight.

At least within these walls I didn't have to deal with the sympathetic looks. A momentary reprieve from the people who acted like they cared souly because the tragedy of death forced them to confront their own mortality. People who didn't give a shit when she was sick and who stopped asking if she was okay after the first week that she did not return to school.

Anger was the only thing keeping me afloat, I clung desperately to it. It was my illusion of normalcy as each dawn brought new cracks to the crumbling facade, slowly revealing the harsh truth underneath. The weight of reality left me trapped in a well of darkness with no feasible means of escape.

My final delusion had been shattered the day of the funeral, confirmation that two more of the most important people in my life were gone. Both had been my fault.

A couple neighbors had heard the news through the rumor mill and wanted to pay their respects. Cheap sentiments ranging from Solomon still being a great loss to the community to how horrified they were to hear about "poor Anne succumbing to her illness." I didn't have the patience or energy to correct them.

Professor Weasley and Sharp appeared at my door early that morning with groceries and formal clothing. The latter stating that he assumed I had no appropriate attire available at the house for the day and wanted to assist in making it easier. For the briefest of moments he reminded me of my father, it felt like someone kicked me in the chest.

Garreth and Natty showed up shortly after, they stood beside the professors, hand in hand. Poppy Sweeting was the next to arrive, she stood quietly behind them. I had forgotten Anne had been friends with them. Garreth's touch still lingered on my shoulder.

"We're here for you mate, whatever you need."

Ominis stayed glued to my side, his presence had quickly become overbearing. His hovering had made it difficult to even take a breath on my own. The only plus side being that he served as a buffer between me and everyone else that had gathered but more importantly, he stood as a buffer between me and Olivia.

She had stayed in back of the small group, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. A part of me knew that I needed to apologize. I had gone too far, what I said was unforgivable. My hands had itched to touch her, hold her, but my legs refused to walk because she had been flanked by those bloody Aurors who had no business being there. They didn't know who Anne was and I didn't want their bullshit condolences.

All I wanted was for her to hold me.

A child's wish.

I wanted to pull her aside but the words wouldn't form. I couldn't trust myself to not further damage our relationship. Acutely aware that if I kept pushing I would lose her. So I ignored her when she walked up to me. Stood by as she placed a rose on Anne's grave and kissed Ominis' cheek. She said my name, just once and the way that it sounded made me weak in the knees. It was small and broken, I didn't turn and she didn't call out again.