The Age of Broken Hearts | AlanxAyan l FirstKhaotung AU fanfiction

Ch. 20 ~ Al's surprise pt. 1

Ayan's POV

The first night after we returned home, my dreams turned into literal nightmares. I didn't know if it was because Al let me take the urn with Uncle Di to his place or because I was reminded of something I wanted to forget about again.

I was sweating a lot and was kicking around which woke Al up and he always saved me before I could witness his death over and over again.

"Al!" I screamed and pulled him closer with warm tears in my eyes and he always stroked my back.

"Ayan... what was it this time?" I widely opened my eyes and scratched his skin as I still could not believe he was alive, with me in his bed.

"I... I..." I took several deep breaths and he wanted to soak a piece of cloth in cold water and put it on my forehead just like the days before but I didn't let him go anywhere this time and cried in his arms.

"I... I need to take some pills." He nodded and brought me pills which I was taking after my anxiety attacks.

"When are you visiting our therapist? It's been the fourth night, Aye... it's still the same dream... I shouldn't bring it up at your house, I'm sorry. It's not about overcoming our fears, right? You were suppressing it in your mind but got reminded of it again..." I quickly hugged him after I swallowed two white pills.

"Tomorrow... she's already used to hearing my improvement... I feel ashamed that I got worse out of the sudden." He pulled me even closer to his warm body.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Aye... you've got post-traumatic syndrome. It's just natural your anxiety returns once a while but you are not alone anymore and trust me that I'd never kill myself in front of your eyes." I bit his shoulder accidentally as I was trying to keep him close and he twitched a little but didn't push me away.

"I was always strong... even in Suppalo... I was trying to act tough though I met the ones who were behind my uncle's depression... why do I feel so weak now?!" Suddenly, I felt his warm tears on my skin as well.

"The more you love... the more scared you are that you are going to lose the person... I know it so well! You were scared for me when I was suicidal but now it's you who's scaring me!" He felt the same way as me! And as my mom! She acted exactly like this when I suffered from depression...

"I'm sorry for hurting you... I'm not suicidal, Al. I'm just worried something is going to separate us because... I can't live without you anymore."

"I can't live without you either." I blew my nose in his pajamas and he finally laughed a little.

"Al... we are emotionally attached to each other. We are more scared we are going to lose each other. I think we should work on this together... before I'm going to leave for my studies." He put his hand on my cheek and kissed my wet salty lips.

"Darling, that's a good idea. I also feel anxious whenever we are separated and lose my focus at work as I keep thinking about you." I returned his kiss.

"That's for the "darling"... and for agreeing with me." He smiled and wiped his eyes with his thumb. Then he did the same to me.

"Should I go with you tomorrow? Just to accompany you and get our date for a couple therapy." I immediately nodded. I'll need some support after feeling this way.

"I love you, Al." I smiled and hugged him again.

"I love you too, Aye."

The day, he stayed with me at home even though I was trying to convince him that I'm alright. I felt bad for making him so worried but on the other hand, I enjoyed his caring side.