Spur of the Moment

Chapter 38

Severus wished Harry would respond whether he yelled or cried or anything else. He didn't care what as long as the young man, his best friend, said something. Perhaps Harry was thinking of a way to tell him their friendship was over. He hated to admit that that thought was more painful than anything Voldemort had ever done to him, and he had done a lot. When had this young man come to mean so much to him?

"It was a mistake."

Severus would never admit to anyone how much those four words tore at his heart and soul, the former being something he thought he no longer possessed. His eyes closed of their own accord and he tried to ignore the feelings of pain and loneliness and abandonment, all things he hadn't felt since Lily. What had her son done to him?

"Severus, look at me."

He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Harry. The fear or anger or revulsion or rejection he had expected to see wasn't there. Instead, the young face was calm and full of understanding and acceptance, and a little bit of underlying sadness.

"It was a mistake, Severus. You couldn't have known who Voldemort would go after," Harry said.

"Does it matter? I knew Voldemort would kill the child he believed to be the one. For all intents and purposes, I deliberately sent a child to their death. It just so happened that you didn't die," Severus said, fighting to control himself.

"Severus, you did what you had to do. What would've happened had you not told Voldemort the prophecy and then he found out you had kept it from him? You would not be alive right now had you kept that prophecy to yourself," Harry said.

"I'm the reason you have no parents, the reason you've had to live with the Dursleys, the reason you've been abused all your life," Severus said painfully.

Harry moved over on the sofa and took one of Severus' hands in his, linking their fingers together. They both ignored how warm and right the simple action felt. "Yes, you were connected to it, but you were not the cause of it. I can guarantee that Voldemort would've found out about the prophecy eventually or he would've gone after my family at some point regardless. The reason I have no parents is because Pettigrew betrayed them and Voldemort killed them. The reason I've had to live with the Dursleys is because Dumbledore put me there. The reason I've been abused all my life is because Dumbledore's manipulative and because my uncle's a bastard."

"Harry—"

"I have one question. Just one," Harry said and Severus nodded. "If you never knew my parents or me, if none of what had happened had happened, would you still have saved me during that Quidditch match in first year? Or from Moony in third year? Or tried to get me out of the tournament in fourth year? Or from Umbridge? Or helped me with Sirius even if he still died? Or from Gryffindor Tower this year? Would you still have saved me even if none of your past had happened? Would I still be alive?"

Severus stared deep into Harry's eyes and said with no hesitation, "Yes."

Harry smiled and squeezed Severus' hand. "And that is why I hold nothing against you."

"I do not deserve you," Severus whispered, clutching Harry's hand tightly.

Harry slowly wrapped his arms around Severus' neck and said quietly, "No. You deserve so much more."

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Draco wandered the grounds aimlessly, his mind stuck on Harry and Severus. Lost in thought, he was startled when something landed on his shoulder, but he calmed when he realized it was only Ivory.

"Hey, Ivory," Draco greeted, continuing to circle the Black Lake.

"Hello, Draco," Ivory said softly. "What is on your mind, dear? You appear quite thoughtful."