The Life I Want to Live ~Sequel to On The Run~

Chapter 22

Last night I barely got any sleep. Knowing I was sleeping next to the man that had hurt me so many times was unsettling and scary. I kept scooting closer and closer to the edge of the bed as Harry restlessly turned and rolled around. I could tell he wasn't sleeping well either so when I finally decided to get up he let out an exasperated sigh. I walked into the bathroom and looked at the clock which read 12:02 pm and groaned. I brushed my fingers through my now gnarled hair as I pulled out the pony tail. I looked completely disheveled and this untidy look was starting to annoy me. After taking almost 10 minutes just looking and fixing my appearance I walked out to find Harry was gone and so were his car keys.

"Harry?" I asked quietly as if he was going to hear me. My eyes shot open as I realized I could explore. I walked to the hotel room door and was crestfallen when I saw a giant padlock that needed a key and a code to open. I looked the through the peep hole and saw one on the other side too in case someone tried to come in. "Fuck." I grunted as I walked over to the couch and slumped down.

I thought about making a call but then I remembered that Harry cut the cord on the phone the minute we walked in. "Well what the hell am I supposed to do now?" I yelled to myself as I looked around at the almost empty room. Harry had hidden the remote so I couldn't watch the TV and took the cord that hooked it to the antenna in case I tried to use the buttons on the TV.

"He's such an asshole!" I yelled as I threw a pillow off of the couch. "Why does he try to ruin my life?! Hasn't he already done enough?!" I screamed as I sat down on the floor trying to control my temper. Yelling at an empty hotel room wasn't going to fix anything.

"What is going on?" I asked myself as I clutched my head and closed my eyes trying to breathe. After 20 minutes of trying to relax I gave up and looked through all the desk drawers eventually finding a pen and paper. I sat on the window seat that overlooked Nashville and began to make a list titled "Who To Trust:"

Who To Trust:

Reasons not to trust Harry:
• Kidnapped me for no reason...three times.
• Gave me two tattoos without consent.
• Put me in very dangerous living conditions.
• Exposed me to harsh drugs and chemicals.
• Ruined two years of my life.
• Pretended to care about me.
• Keeps too many secrets.
• Only tells the truth when drunk.
• Has abused me.
• Tried to rape me.
• Insults me nonstop.
• Killed my father.

Reasons to trust Harry:
• Took me to Italy.
• Got me a dog.

Reasons not to trust Ryan:
• Doesn't clearly tell you what's going on.
• Lies to you about his friends.
• Lied about being in a gang.
• Went to college just to stalk me (according to Harry).
• Forces me to change my appearance without consent.
• Made me get answers from drunk guys and got me drunk on purpose.

Reasons to trust Ryan:
• Knows my family and they like him.
• Warned me to be careful in case they tried to come kidnap me again.
• Friendly and tried to keep me safe.
• Hasn't hurt me multiple times.

By the time I had finished writing this list it was already nearing eight at night. We didn't go to bed until three in the morning yesterday and didn't wake up until noon. Halfway through my note I found some Ritz Crackers hidden in one of Harry's duffel bags in the closet. They were terrifying to go through. He had poisons like Agent Orange which hadn't been used since the United States participated in the Vietnam War. I still don't understand how he could get all of that stuff. It hasn't been on the radar for decades. A little bit later I looked through the cupboards and found a small package of roman noodles which I heated up in the microwave and ate for dinner.

•

"Madeline." A gruff voice spoken making me ever so slightly wake up. I opened my eyes briefly to see I was still sitting by the window and it was 11 at night. Too tired to answer I closed my eyes and resumed the previous position I was in. "What is she-" He started as he walked towards me. I felt him pick something up off my lap making my breath hitch. He was reading the list. I meant to rip it up and throw it away before he could find it but it was too late now.

"Reasons not to trust Harry..." He mumbled quietly as he backed away from me. As he turned around I looked to see him taking the duffel bag off his shoulder while the note was still in his other hand. He turned back around making me squeeze my eyes shut and pray that he wouldn't lash out on me while I was unprepared. "I'm a fucking monster." He whispered to himself as I could feel his gaze looking down on me. "I've ruined her entire life." He said as I could hear him crumple the note up in his hand. He then walked closer to me making me stiffen with fear as he could throw me across the room with how angry he could be. I could feel him reach his hand down to my shoulder but he pulled it back before he touched me. He then turned around on his heels and walked into the bathroom.

"He's going to kill me." I whispered nervously as I watched him disappear. I quickly looked around for the note on the ground in case he could have dropped it but it was no where to be found. "He wasn't supposed to read it." I said frantically as he unlocked the bathroom door and walked back out towards me.

"It doesn't even affect you until you've heard it from someone else. Trying to fucking avoid this the entire time and I can't even-" He talked to himself but stopped and gulped. He slowly reached his arms down underneath my legs and behind my back and picked me up. He carried me over to the bed like countless times before and set me down gently before pulling the covers up. Still broken and now facing the truth, he had the sincerity to place me back in bed, something Ryan didn't do or care enough about while I was with him.

"I'm sorry I took away what should've been the best years of your life."