What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know (Boyxboy)

Chapter 4

WOW YALL.....SO SORRY ABOUT THIS MESS ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE THIS DAMN CHAPTER.

I BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE LMAOOOO......SAWWY. HERE YOU GO BABIES!

LET ME JUST SAY.....yall...I started this story so long ago man. If I go back and read this, I may cringe. But I won't. I'm keeping this, along with my other old stories, the way they are. How I wrote them, all that. Because like, growth is pretty cool. 

This was, is, will always be my first ever boyxboy story. I just want to say how incredibly grateful, amazed, shook I am...really, that so many people read this. That so many people LIKE this story. To this day, it boggles my mind. It makes me so happy. 

I know my stories have mistakes. I know they most likely have some confusing bits. Don't even get me started. I just want to make it known that I am in fact aware of any possible "wtf" moment you may have LOL. DWKEFBQUIUBIKA OKAY

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Chapter 4.

T R E V O R

I'm in love with Nathan Dawson.

I've been in love with him ever since our moms first got us together when we were two years old. Our moms are best friends -- always have been since highschool, so naturally they wanted their two sons to be close as well.

You're probably wondering how a two year-old boy can be 'in love' with another boy, right? Hell, how could a two year-old boy even think he's in love with anybody? Well, it's actually pretty simple. I personally believe that even as young as two years old, you become aware. I mean, we feel, we hear, see, think. Parents see their two year old son go and kiss their neighbour's kid in the sand box and think it's cute. A two year old boy wanting to kiss another boy is "wrong" though. Make that make sense. It's always been something that seemed wrong to me. I grew up with the notion that boys liked girls, girls liked boys. SOMETIMES, though, girls like girls and boys like boys. But I can't. That's how it's always been. 

I've always been emotionally attached to my best friend. People always comment about the bond between us. It's the kind of bond you don't find often.  I've just always felt so close to Nathan. I can trust him with everything. He was basically my brother. Or at least I thought so anyway.

It wasn't until we were in middle school when I realized that these feelings I've had for Nathan all our lives weren't brotherly at all. It wasn't a a close-friend type of love. I loved Nathan a bit more than I should. More than he loved me. Middle school is usually that tragic point in life where you struggle to figure out who you're developing to be. We've all been there. For me, middle school was that tragic point where I struggled to realize I was gay. It took me a long, long time to finally accept it. Even now, I'm still in a constant battle in my head. I never liked girls, never did. I was afraid of boobs, really, and the female gender in general just really didn't do anything for my liking. The older I got, the more  I felt as if I related with women more than men. Way more.  I mean, really, when I went over to girls' houses I found myself constantly in awe at those J-14 posters of Zac Efron or Taylor Lautner, or Ashton Kutcher. I wanted some on my wall. That's just the small things, though. 

Then there was Nathan, and as my girl puberty hit, we all started becoming enraged with hormones. Oh boy. I started to realize how beautiful Nathan is (yeah, I said beautiful. The guy's a fucking angel), and I began to think about him more than usual. I found myself dreaming about the poor guy, and eventually I'd give in and masturbate to the thought of him. The first time I ever did, though, I cried for hours straight. I felt horrible. How could I do that? What's wrong with me? I went into a funk for weeks after the first time I jacked off to my bestfriend. Eventually, I didn't feel as bad, and realized that I'm really just living in my own mind. Nobody will ever know, right?