Light at the end of a tunnel

Chapter Twenty six- Exchange

(Kellins POV)

I felt angry. Even more angry than when I confronted Charles. But I was mainly angry at myself for risking my children's lives. My friends lives. I was angry for making Hope go through even more problems, hasn't she been through enough in life?

With a sigh, I closed my eyes. I hated to think about what Hope had to endure. She told me about what her Mom and Austin put her through and it just stunned me. I could not imagine such a beautiful person going through so much horror. I mean, how could people be so atrocious? Putting my thoughts away, I entered the living room and sat down on the gray couch beside Hope. She looked so upset, I felt a jolt in my heart. I hated this so much. It pained me to see her like this, so broken and depressed. And the worst part was that I had no idea how to help her.

"It's so quiet without them.", Hope whispered, fighting back tears.

"Yeah ", I agreed, clenching my jaw and doing the exact same thing.

**********

(Hopes POV)

I sat on the couch next to Kellin. It was so strange between us without JR or Copeland. We were both silent, our thoughts with our babies. When we did talk it was small talk.

Are you okay?

Want to talk about it?

Do you need anything?

I love you.

Did Charles call?

And I couldn't stand it. I was going absolutely insane. I felt so drained, like all the energy had been sucked out of me. I felt like a dementor from Harry Potter had just attacked me over and over and the effects were never ending. I heard Kellin's phone go off and it slowly brought me back to reality. He paced around the house, he looked upset and exhausted. Then his facial expression changed. He looked stunned and so heart broken.

Oh my God, what if it was Charles? What if JR and Copeland got hurt? What if they were badly injured and weren't going to make it? What if it was already too late?

"It wasn't Charles.", Kellin said instantly, "it was Jack. Jenna's heart gave out and she didn't make it. He's pretty upset right now, I gotta get to the hospital."

Tears welled up in my eyes. Was this really happening? Reality didn't seem real. Like it wasn't even happening, it was all just some big bad dream. But unfortunately it wasn't a dream. It was the harsh reality- I just got my friends girlfriend murdered.

As if reading my mind, "this is not your fault, Hope." Kellin told me.

"Then who's is it?", I half shouted, feeling so overwhelmed and annoyed.

"Lynn and Austin's! Hope, you have got to stop blaming yourself for what they are doing.", he furiously pleaded.

"But I started this! I ran away, Kellin, I-"

He interrupted me, "If you hadn't ran away then-"

"You wouldn't be in this situation right now."

We were both quiet, the air full of tension. Kellin wanted to say something, I knew he did but he didn't want to argue so he just left. Once he left, I let all of my emotions out. I seriously could not handle this anymore. This had to stop, I thought, an idea forming in my head. I got my phone out of my jacket pocket and started to think. What was his number? After a few moments, I remembered and called him.

"Hello?"

"Jerry? It's Hope."

"Hope! Where ya been? Haven't seen ya around lately."

"Oh you know, just at the house. Hey speaking of seeing people, see Austin around lately?"

"Of course!"

"Right. Do you have his number?"

"Sure do, you need it?"

"Please?"

"Sure thing. 401 302 2203"

I scribbled the number down, "thanks Jerry"

Jerry hung up after that and I did too. Next I called Austin. The phone rang a few times, then it suddenly stopped. Yet no one answered but I knew. I knew Austin was on other line.

"Well, well well", Austin lightly chuckled, "I wondered when you would be calling, Hope. You didn't think I wouldn't check who called, did you?"

"No.", I finally said, "I just want-"

"I know. You want these cranky little brats back."

"Yes."

"And what will you give me in exchange?"

I exhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes, "Myself."

Dear Kellin,

If you are reading this then you now I'm gone. Please do not blame yourself, this was my choice. I love you and I am going to do my best to come home, but if I can't I want you to take care of our family and remind them how much I love them every day. You are such an amazing father, you can do this. And remember, I love you so much. I'm sorry it had to be this way.

Love,

Hope.

I wiped away my tears, this was the fourth letter I wrote to Kellin in the past thirty minutes. What could I say? I'm sorry for messing up our family? I'm sorry for putting you through this? How do you put that in a letter? I knew I didn't have a lot of time left so I put the letter in Copeland's crib, making sure Kellin would see it.
I heard the front door creak open and my heart was pounding hard, I wouldn't be surprised if it jumped out of my chest at this very moment.

"Hope?"

I heard Kellin call my name and I raced downstairs to see him. Would this be the last time I see him? Would this be the last time I would get to stare into his intense hazel eyes? Would it be the last time I got to hear his voice?

I tackled him with a hug. I couldn't help it. I wanted to break down just at the thought of losing him.

"Whoa. Are you okay, babe?", Kellin asked with a faint chuckle.

"Yeah. I just really really love you."

"I really really love you too."

I was suddenly an addict and Kellin was my drug. I pressed my lips against his, which were warm and soft and I just without a doubt loved it.

"Remind me to argue with you more often.", Kellin said, once we broke away.

I tried to playfully scowl him, but I failed with a wide smile.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. How's Jack?"

"Pretty tore up. I took him home and he locked himself in his bedroom. I'm going to spend the night with him, make sure he's okay."

I frowned at how Jack was feeling, but how else would he be feeling?

"Do you want to come with me?", Kellin asked.

"No, no, you go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'll be fine."

I laid my head on his chest for a moment and he kissed my forehead wrapping his arms around me. In moments like this I wish I could just say freeze and the world would stop, allowing us to stay like this forever.

"You better go check on Jack.", I said, breaking away from him.

"You're right. You'll be okay?"

"Yes.", I said, walking Kellin out to his car.

"I'll see you tomorrow.", he told me.

But what if I wasn't here tomorrow? I gave him a nod with a smile, then a hug. Afterwards, Kellin got in the car and drove away. I stood outside for a few minutes absorbing my surroundings. What if today was the last day? The last day I got to look at the sky, the last day to be outside. I erased those thoughts for now and went back inside the house, coming face to face with my own mother.