Tap, tap, tap. The rain speaks as it hits the window, streaming down where it collides with the other drops. Low rumbles of thunder remind you of the bass of a drum as it slightly shakes the ground. The lightning brightens up the dark night and cast shadows on your suffocating bedroom walls. You've always liked the rain. It was like the sky was weeping for you so you didn't have to keep wasting your tears. You are tired of weeping. The thunder acted as if it was getting mad at the world for you so you didn't have to blame your problems on someone else. You are tired of blaming someone else. It seemed the lightning strikes lashed out it's anger for you so you didn't have to. You are tried of getting angry. The weather wasn't too bad now, but it's always calm before the storm. You laid wide awake in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, alone. Again. It seems like you're alone all the time now since he's never here. You don't know where is keeps leaving to, but you don't question it anymore because you think you might have an idea. You just don't want to believe it. He comes and goes as he pleases. He's always here when you wake up, he smiles, says good morning, and kisses you. You melted every time he did that, but now it's not the same. You don't have the same feeling like you used to. You make him breakfast, but you don't put as much love in it like you used to. He's too oblivious to even realize your changes in behavior. You don't smile as much, you don't talk to him about things as much, but he's too tied up in something else, the thing you don't want to believe is true, to notice, or even care, you thought. After breakfast, it's off to work for him. He kisses you again and says he loves you. You just smile and nod as he walks out the door. He works a normal nine to five job, and it only takes him twenty minutes to get to work, but he's gone for way longer than he need to be. He doesn't tell you if he's going somewhere after work, he doesn't tell you where he was. It's not that he refuses to tell you, it's just you don't ask anymore because now...it's normal. You saw lights pull into the driveway. You didn't think Jongin would be back while you're still awake, it's rare. You knew he was home, but you told yourself it was the lightning anyway. You heard the front door open and you sighed deeply. You turned over and pretended to be sleeping. The bedroom door opened so quietly, you barely heard it over the rain. Jongin took his jacket off and loosened his tie, tossing it on the dresser. He took clothes out to change into after his nightly shower. Once he closed the door and you heard the shower running, you slowly sat up. The little voice in your head always tell you to do things, but you always ignore it. This time, though, you listened and went over to where he tosses his jacket. Your heart pounded as you picked it up. You didn't know what you were looking for, and you hoped you didn't find anything, but you reached into his pockets and felt paper. You pulled out the bar receipts and examined them. He had apparently had 3 drinks. The usual stuff he likes. But something caught your eye. Probably the most feminine drinks that exist. You furrowed your brows. Why would he order an Apple-Tini and a Sex on the Beach? You put the recite back in his pocket but still held it. You brought it up to your nose and took a big whiff. Flowers? Sweet Pea? You don't wear sweet pea. The familiar cheap scent brought your senses to high alert, and made it seem that what you don't want to believe may actually be true. You stayed like that for a minute until you heard the shower turn off. You had to quickly make a decision on whether you were going to confront him now, or pretend that it never happened and live in denial. You put the jacket back and went over to sit on the bed. The light from the bathroom flooded the room. Jongin was about to turn the light off, but he saw you. "Oh, did I wake you?" He asked. "No." You mumbled. "What are you doing up, can't sleep?" "I uh- something like that" Jongin turned the bathroom light out and climbed into bed. He scooted up behind you and put his chin on your shoulder, tilting his head to look up at you. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. You scoffed. "Yeah, actually, I do." You turned the lamp on the turned to face him. "What is it?" You took a deep breath and looked down. The rain started pouring a little harder as you kept searching for the right words to say. "Do you love me?" You asked, looking back at him. He looked confused. "Of course I do. Why, you still love me, right?" You hesitated. Could you still love him after this? "Who is she?" You asked. He raised his eyebrows. "Who?" "The other girl you're seeing." His face turned pale. "I don't know what you're talking about." You scoffed. "Seriously?" You went over to his jacket and took the receipts out. "So I went to the bar, that doesn't mean I was cheating." "Why are there girly drinks on here?! You don't drink those!" The thunder rumbled. "Why are you going through my pockets anyway?!" He got up and snatched his jacket from your grasp. "Don't try to change the subject you coward! You can't come up with an excuse for the cheap perfume on it!" Lightning struck. He was at a loss for words. "Ana." He mumbled. "What?" "Her name is Ana." "Oh, Ana, is it?" You smiled sarcastically. "It was just some office fling, we didn't-" "Didn't what, have sex? All you did was kiss? Is that what you were gonna say?" "Well, yeah, I mean-" "That doesn't make it any better. Cheating is cheating! Don't you get that?" Tears formed in your eyes. "I-I'm sorry." "Sorry? Sorry doesn't fix the damage, sorry doesn't make me happy and forgive you, sorry doesn't give me back those moments I spent being worried and insecure because I thought you had a girl on the side!" Rain fell in buckets, pelting loudly against the house. "How could you do this to me?" You asked. The wind howled and the lamp flickered. "You know I love you." He said. "You really have the nerve to stand here and say that? We both know that's not true, not anymore." Thunder rumbled and the lamp went out. You saw Jongin's silhouette walking towards you. You felt his hand running up your arm. "I do love you. Ana is just the new girl who works in my office. She came onto me first. I'm not trying to make excuses. We've just been hanging out a lot lately, and uh, I admit, I kissed her once, but I regretted it right after because your face flashed in my mind. I know I should've just been honest with you, but I was scared of hurting you." He wiped your tears. "Why are you still hanging out with her then? Does she know you have me?" "She knows." "That little homewrecker." "But I don't know why I keep hanging out with her. She keeps insisting and she has that face I can't say no to." You slapped his hand away. "Wow, really?" "Sorry, wrong choice of words. It's just I'm a nice guy and I just wanted her to feel welcome." "Well this has been going on for what, two months? I'm sure she feels welcome by now." He laughed. "I'm really sorry, baby." He leaned in to kiss you, but stopped to see if you were going to move. When you didn't he continued to lean in until he reached your lips, planting a sweet kiss on them. "I'll let her know tomorrow that I won't be able to hang out with her a lot anymore." "You better, otherwise I'll come up to your work and tell her for you." He smiled and kissed your forehead. "Cute." "I'm serious!" He led you back to bed and tucked you in, scooting close to you. "Am I forgiven?" He asked. You sighed. "I guess." Now you feel like you've made a big deal over nothing, but it was a big deal, to you at least. "Okay fine, yes." You said. "But do you know how miserable I was these past two months?" "I'm sorry." He wrapped an a. m around your waist. "I won't cause you anymore pain, I promise. I can't risk losing someone as special as you, I would be an idiot if I did." "Well, either way, you're still an idiot. But you're my idiot, not Ana's!" "I can live with that." By now, the storm had calmed. You checked the time, it was almost 1 in the morning. "You should go to sleep. You have work tomorrow." "Actually, I think I'm gonna call in sick." "Huh? Seriously, why?" "So I can be here with you, make up for lost time." You smiled. "You would do that for me?" "Yeah. I'll do anything for you." "Anything? Will you make breakfast for me then?" "If you want me to." "I want you to, just don't burn it." "No guarantees." You rolled your eyes. "Whatever, go to sleep." You turned over so your back was facing him and he pulled you into his chest. "Goodnight." He whispered.
