If You Let Me Know... [N.H.]

30. Wasted Time

"I'm sorry" he says before I can even utter a word.

"Harry, I..."

"I don't know what got to me. Maybe I thought you wouldn't leave without saying goodbye to me. Apparently I'm not always as smart as people seem to think I am"

I chuckle looking down.

"Is,... Is there anything I can do?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"I'm the one who should figure things out" I sigh, "Funny thing to do when I thought I already had them figured out. And I'm really sorry I lied to you" I say looking at him and realizing that up until now, I didn't even get the chance to apologize.

"Apology accepted" Harry gives me a warm smile and brings me closer to him. "This is not a goodbye" he whispers as he rocks me gently in his arms; "We'll see each other very soon"

I fight back the tears: these are the exact same words he said to me almost two years ago when I left after spending a whole summer with them.

"Bye, Harry" I say, kissing his cheek.

He returns the kiss and hugs me tight again, then he walks to Mark, waving goodbye with a small smile.

I walk the metal detector and make my way to the jet. I greet the flight attendant and sit, looking out the window. As the plane takes off and Munich gets smaller beneath my feet, I replay the conversation with Niall in my head: Who would have thought he had everything planned? I don't even know what I'll do next summer; how can he have his whole future figured out? The only thing I know about my future for sure is that in two years, my life will turn around completely. Whatever I end up doing, going from university to the actual world is going to mean a big change in my life.

Apparently Niall's life has already had all the dramatic changes and maybe that is why he has his future as a certain thing. I had never seen it like this, but our futures are complete opposites: his all planned and settled in a couple of years; mine a big question mark with no answer for at least a couple of years.

And it is only now when I realize something: how do you combine love when the people's lives point to different directions? Who gives in? Or better ask: why does anyone have to give in?

Without being able to find the answer, I fall deeply asleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I wake up before landing. A couple hundred feet down, the English fields and houses, are getting bigger and bigger until the jet lands with a slight bump.

I stand up, thank the flight attendant and the pilot and leave the aircraft. I make my way through the terminals until I finally get the bus that will take me to the city. Once in the vehicle, I look for a seat next to the window, rest my head on it and wait until the bus leaves.