[TRIGGER WARNING:: self harm.]
[Summary: Ryan needs help, and Brendon is just the person for that. Angst af.]
Brendon walked happily down the street, smiling. He was going to Ryan's house, who not only was his best friend, but his boyfriend of 3 months. They started dating in June, which had been a very great 3 months of his life. They hugged and held hands, but still haven't kissed yet. Brendon arrived at Ryan's house. He was going to stay the night, plus Ryan's parents weren't going to be home until tonight-midnightish, so this should be insteresting.
Brendon was thinking about sneaking in, which of course, when Brendon has a thought, he tends to stick to it. Brendon silently opened the door, trying not to laugh from anticipation. Brendon sneaked down the hallway and noticed Ryan's door was slightly opened. It was silent. Although this was strange, this would give him a better scare. Brendon peaked into Ryan's room, and froze completley. Ryan was sitting on the bed, slicing his skin open, blood dripping down his arm. There were tears streaming down Ryan's face. Everytime he cut, he cursed under his breath. Brendon wished he hadn't peaked in. Brendon quietly went back out, and the moment he stepped out side, he started to cry. He sat on the porch chair and covered his mouth with his hand to cover the sounds of sobs. How long had he been doing this? How much cuts and scars were there? Why would he do this? All the thoughts rushing through his head, only to be interrupted by his phone buzzing. He grabbed the phone which was buried in his pocket. It was some random game notification, nothing special. Brendon decided to text Ryan that he was here. He opened his messaging app and starting typing.
B: Hey. I'm outside.
R: ok. it'll be a second, im getting dressed.
Lies.
Brendon stood up and went to wait by the door. 5 minutes went by. With his thoughts worsening and thinking about what might of happened to Ryan, Brendon started crying again.
"B-Bren?" Brendon looked up and found Ryan, looking at Brendon from behind the screen door.
"Bren, come in." Ryan opened the door and motioned Brendon to come inside. Brendon noticed two things. One, is that Ryan was wearing the baggy hoodie he usually started wearing since last week. Another thing he noticed is that Ryan's arms were bandaged, but overall hidden by the hoodie. Brendon felt sick to his stomach, and started hyperventilating. Ryan grabbed Brendons hand, and led him to the nearby couch. Brendon immediately sat down, covering his face with his hands. Ryan sat by Brendon.
"Whats wrong?" Ryan started rubbing circles into Brendons back with his hand. Brendon wiped his tears with his hands, and looked at Ryan, with red puffy eyes. Brendon grabbed Ryan's hands.
"Ryan, a-are you okay?"
"I should be asking you that."
"No, Ryan.." Brendon squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. He opened his eyes again, to see Ryan nervously looking at him.
"Like, do you want to tell me anything?" Ryan looked at Brendon with shock, but then tried quickly hiding that up.
"N-No, why would you say that?" Brendon squeezed Ryan's hand.
"Ry, I know what you're doing." Ryan looked at Brendon wide eyed.
"No you don't."
"Ryan, I saw you."
"Brendon, whatever you saw, was false. I'm not doing anything."
"Then explain those." Brendon looked down at Ryan's bandages, which were revealed unexpectedly. Ryan quickly pulled his sleeves down.
"That was just an accident." Ryan didn't look at Brendon. He couldn't.
"Let me see."
"Bren-"
"Let me fucking see, Ryan." Brendon hissed. He didn't realize how tight he was squeezing Ryan's hand. Ryan reluctantly obeyed. He knew he couldn't keep this up for long. He looked away while undoing the bandages. After he removed the whole thing, he squeezed his eyes shuts. Ryan's whole arm was covered in cuts, new and old. He didn't care about the other arm. It was practically the same. He felt Brendon grab his arm.
"Go ahead. Say it. I'm weak." Ryan opened his eyes and glanced at Brendon, who had streaks of tears sliding down his face, as he were looking at all of the scars. Brendon looked up to catch Ryan's glance.
"Is this how much I wasn't there for you." He whispered. Tears were forming in his eyes.
"Brendon don't say that!" Ryan exclaimed. He looked down, letting the tears drop and stain his pants. "Maybe you should find someone who will love you like you deserve. I'm useless." Ryan looked up, and was immediately caught off guard by Brendon, kissing him slowly yet roughly. Ryan melded into Brendons perfect lips, tears still streaming from his eyes. This was their first kiss, but Ryan didn't really want to remember it like this. Brendon let go.
"Ryan, you are the reason I'm smiling, when theres nothing to smile about. I love you." Brendon said, trying not to hyperventilate in between words. Ryan sat there, and slowly rested his head on Brendon's chest. Brendon put his hand and was gently using it to run through Ryan's hair.
"I want to help you. I want to find all the beauty in yourself. I want you to love yourself, as much as I love you." Brendon said. Before Ryan could say anything, Brendon added on. "But, before I do that, you have to do these things first. You need to help yourself before anyone else can truly help you." Ryan nodded. Brendon was right, and Ryan is going to try, but he's scared. Scared of losing himself. Scared of losing Brendon. Scared of losing everything. Ryan started sobbing and buried his head into Brendon's chest.
"I love you, Ryan."
(SAD SAD SAD. tmr im writing fluff so you can take a break from all the sadness and sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but as always, i hope you enjoyed!)
