teenage fools

Not knowing the end comes

My favorite memory of us is the same day you died. I snuck out my house for the first time that night and I ran 10 blocks to your house in the frigid air. It didn't even occur to me that my hands were going numb and my breath was speeding up. And I don't remember waking up and climbing down the side of my house and racing for your house at one in the morning, but I did. I just knew that I had craved you all day and I needed to see you eyes and feel your hands on my waist. I hadn't seen you in a couple of hours, which is forever when you're in love. Regardless, you didn't know I was coming over and when you woke up to me climbing through your window, you went crazy, pulling yourself out of your bed to grab ahold of me. Some days, I can still feel your chest pressed against mine and your lips moving in sync with mine, slowly but urgently leading me to your bed. We laid in your bed four hours after our lips become numb. I curled into you, pretending I never had to go even though the sun was rising at a rapid pace. You asked me if I would be happy if this was our last moment together. I laughed at you for asking such a pointless question and I told you it would be perfect for a last moment, but I also told you our last moment wouldn't be around for a very long time, so why worry? You smiled and sighed, pulling me closer. You told me you would see me later. You lied. You didn't see me later because the next time I saw you, you were pale and lifeless, facing the ceiling in your funeral suit. You asked me that question and it went over my head and I have never felt so naive. How could you be okay after I left you that morning?