Dangerous Boy

Chapter Thirteen

Such a sad chapter for me :(

The last four days have followed the exact same order. Wake up, go to school, come home, do homework and then run until I'm too tired to worry about anything anymore.

I've tried to ring Xavier each day but every time it simply goes to voicemail, each of my texts have also been unanswered. I don't want to seem like the clingy girl who needs to talk to the boy she likes continuously, I just want to know he's okay. That nothing bad's happened and the longer I go without hearing from him, the worse I feel.

Today has followed the same order as the last ones have, the blank page in front of me that's supposed to be filled with a 800 word English essay is completely empty.

"Grace" I almost fall off my seat at the sound of the deep voice behind me. I turn so quickly I feel dizzy for the smallest of moments as I stare at Xavier.

His hair is messy and all over the place, like he's run his hands through it too many times and dark bits of stubble now scatters across his jaw. I can tell he hasn't slept at all either, his eyes are bloodshot and have large black bags underneath them. The dark sweatpants and Nike hoodie he wears with converse makes him look totally different, like an ordinary young guy. I almost want to laugh at the thought because he's the total opposite.

"I'm sorry" he breathes, stepping further into my room. I'm just glad to know he's okay.

"What are you sorry for?" I frown when he sits on the edge of my bed, not meeting my gaze even though he's directly across from me.

"I couldn't save him" he stares at the ground, a hard looking crossing his face as he does so. "I couldn't keep him safe, I tried and it wasn't good enough."

"Who couldn't you save?" His words scare me and I have to swallow when he looks up, no evident emotion clear on his unreadable face.

"Sam."

I choke, unable to stop the pressure that seems to tighten around my lungs and heart, creating a burning pain across my entire body. "What.... what happened?"

"I told him to stay put and he didn't fucking listen, like always" his elbows rest on his knees and he looks at me blankly, his skin more pale than usual. "I couldn't get to him in time."

I can't contain the tears that fall down each of my cheeks, my mind unable to comprehend anything that he's telling me.

"If he'd just fucking listened to me they never would've found him" Xavier looks so angry but his voice is quiet. "Afterwards I had to tell Tom, he crumbled on his knees in front of me and wept, it was the first time I've ever seen him cry."

My heart shatters even further for Tom, I can't even begin to imagine the unbearable pain he must be feeling right now.

"The funerals tomorrow if you want to come."

My eyes burn with fresh tears as I stare at him, unable to do anything but nod silently.

He nods as well, keeping his fingers intertwined with each other. He doesn't say anything either and the tears continue to slide down both of my cheeks.

What can I say? If I talk I think I'll start sobbing.

"I'll pick you up in the morning." He doesn't look at me again as he speaks. "You'll need to be ready by 10."

"Okay."

He doesn't say anything again and another heavy silence falls over both of us. The sudden news he's shared with me hasn't processed properly in my clouded mind. I still feel like I should go back to Xavier's apartment and see Sam teasing him, like he was a week ago.

"I should go" Xavier stands and looks down at me in an almost unsure manner before stepping towards me and placing his fingers under my chin. "I'll see you tomorrow" his lips press against my forehead for a few seconds before he pulls away, he hides his emotion much better than I do.

"You know it's not your fault right?" I tell him quietly as he steps away from me. "You did everything you could, that's all anyone could ever ask of you."

"If I'd done more he'd still be alive" I try to argue with him but he lifts his hand, silencing me before I can even start. "I need to go, I'll be here in the morning."

All I can do is stare at his strong back as he turns and walks out of my room again. My hands twist my hair firmly between my fingers and I can't stop the sob from escaping my cold lips once I know Xavier can't hear me. Sam deserves so much more than this.

So much more.

I spend the rest of the night in the gym downstairs, taking out my anger and grief on the boxing bag that's well dented from the amount of times I've hit it. Sam doesn't deserve this. He deserves to live a long and happy life with Tom, nobody deserves that more than him.

I barely realise that I've been in here for almost two hours, my knuckles are split and bleeding, sweat pouring off every inch of my body. When I finally stop I collapse in the middle of the room on the hard ground. Lying flat on my back.

I don't know how long I stay on the floor for. I just keep blinking away my tears and staring at empty ceiling above me. I hear the familiar sound of my parents car pulling into the driveway not long after.

"Grace" the door to the small rooms pushed open, revealing my perfectly well dressed Mother who looks less than impressed with my current state. "What are you doing on the floor? Why are you sweating so much? On my - look at your hands!"

"I'm fine Mum" I answer plainly, her high heels pad across the floor as she stares down at me, a large frown on her lipstick covered lips.

"Have you been crying?"

"No, I'm fine" I repeat, looking away from her as she sighs.

"I bought you something from New York" her posh accent annoys more than it usually does when she speaks again. Great, another piece of labelled clothing to make up for the extra week they spent away from me while they traveled around in fancy hotels. "Are you going to tell me whats really wrong Grace?"

When I don't answer she breathes heavily, obviously frustrated.

How could I ever explain what's going on to her? She wouldn't even try to understand, she'd never understand how much of an amazing person Sam was and how much everyones going to miss him.