Being Misunderstood [COMPLETED]

10: Lost Stars

The holidays are almost over and I have been spending my time hanging out with Lyle, if he has no plans with random women but if he has then I'll be chilling in my room, trying to finish writing this song. This is what I got so far, 

Grabbing your hand to hold when it's cold,
Didn't realize I was holding so tight that you wanted to let go,
I thought making you laugh was the ultimate goal, but I never realized that you didn't find me funny at all.

Was it all real? Was it all true? What does love actually do?
Thought you're for keeps, adoring me, well I thought you do.
Oh baby, have you really though?
Have you really loved me like I've loved you?
But actually, if it wasn't love then I didn't love you after all. 

Yeah, sounds sorta weak. Ugh, I'm so frustrated with myself. Lyrics are basically poetry but why do I find so hard, and yes talking to Fred that night made me realize that I had to be honest with myself in order to write it on paper, and all I can feel about Karl right now is, empty. I loved him, yes I did and I went hysterical when we broke up but I keep wondering whether did I really love him? Or was I just obsessed with him, because he was there for me, with me. He was just...present. I didn't know what it was and that is why I didn't know what to write about, does it make sense? I put my head into my notebook when my phone rang, "hello?". I answered without looking who it was.

"Hey, how's it going?", sounds like Fred. 

"Still working on the song, and still sounds like junk", I answered. 

He laughed, "I meant your holiday you workaholic".

"It's going alright, I guess. Family time is the best and worst time a person could have, but it's been going good. What about you?", I asked back.

"A bit boring, spent most of my time working on the music", I chuckled at his answer, "and you calling me a workaholic?"

"Well, music is all I have", He said and what is he trying to imply? He has no family? "Fred, where the hell are you?"

"Right where you left me", I instantly raised my voice, "you are still on campus? No wonder you're calling me, you're bored out of your mind! Why aren't you going home?"

"I am home", he answered calmly. "What do you mean? Your family staying there?"

"No, just me", again he answered calmly. "hmmm", I replied. 

"Yeah, so just calling you to find out how you're doing. So talk to you later okay?", I can sense something in his voice, like he's holding back something. 

"Just a minute, Fred", I stopped him. I put a finger onto my lip, "why is the actual reason you called?"

"I just wanted to see how you doing, if you want someone to talk to or anything", he said mumbly.

"Fred, what's going on?", come to think of it, I never seen Fred hang out with anyone before, does he have any friends or is he in the same situation as I am? Does he want someone to talk to? But at the same time I didn't want to meddle into his problems, but he heard out my story with Karl so maybe I should lend an ear? But again, I did not ask to talk about Karl, he insisted me to talk about him. Ugh, I'm not good at being a friend here, listening to problems and give a shoulder cause I didn't have one and I handled my sadness alone, with no other shoulder to cry on. 

"Nothing, I'm alright", he said and okay, I can hang up now but I'll feel so bad if I do so. But if he has something to talk about, he would say so and not act all secretive like this. But if he has something to talk about, I should hear him out, cause I would want someone to hear me out about what I had to go through with Karl.