Being Misunderstood [COMPLETED]

22: If I Never Knew You

I walk into my bathroom with my blue dress to put on some makeup for my performance today. Even though it's terrifying to see Fred again but he is my project partner after all, and then he's just that from now on. I humiliated myself at him, so I don't think I could stand being his friend. Plus, I sang a Beauty & The Beast song, oh fuck, someone shoot me now! I took a deep breath while dabbing blush onto my cheeks. I could do this, I just have to hold my head up high and forget what had happened and just...smile. I try to curve my lips upwards, but instead a tear roll down my cheeks. I automatically wiped it away and thank God, I haven't put on eyeliner yet. 

As I was about to draw a line on my eyelids, my phone rang and it's Rosie, I pick it up cause I've learned my lesson on not picking up her call. "Yeah, I'm on a rush here, Rosie. I'll just meet you at the show okay?", I learned not to pick up her call but the fact the she lied to me. She LIED to me about Fred's feelings towards me, why would she do that? There's so much to process, so I just do not want to talk and get this night over with so I could spend the night with my family as they come here to watch my show. "Wait, Lyla. I know what you might think but-", I ended the call. That may seem cruel but seriously, I don't give a damn. 

I continued getting ready and my phone rang again, assuming that it's Rosie I picked it up, "STOP TRYING, ROSIE! I WAS A FOOL TO THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!", then a sweet and innocent voice came through, "honey, it's me. Is something a matter", I sighed. "I'm sorry mum, I'm just a little tense and nervous about the show. Are you near?", I asked. "Half an hour away, I'm excited to see you darling", she said and that made me smile and as a wonderful mother she is, she understood me. "You've worked so hard on this, just focus on this. Put everything aside for tonight, the problem will still be there tomorrow for you to sort it out but tonight, it's all about you", I finally get to my lips to curve upwards, "thanks, mum. I'll see you later".

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I reached the music hall in campus and I walked backstage and found Fred, I stopped my steps and take a few breaths. I could sort out my feelings tomorrow, for now, I'm just going to focus on me and on this song. I sit a chair beside him, "hey", I said without making eye contact. I pull out my notebook as if I had to learn the words of the song where I knew every word and note by heart. "Hey", he said. I could feel his eyes on me but no, I'm not gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. "Lyla, about yesterday. You have to know that-", I looked at him for a second and look back onto my notebook, "don't worry about it, plus it is not a big deal", I said and he continued, "please,Lyla. Let me-", "I'm trying to nail this project, Fred. If you don't mind", I told him and he pulled back and start pressing some keys onto his keyboard. "Would you want to go through it once?", he asked and I nod my head cause today, it's all about this song. 

When he starts to play the keys, I look at him. If only there was a reset button on my feelings where I could get rid of these feelings and start over, but a reset button wouldn't be enough cause I'll fall in love with him over and over again. A delete button wouldn't be enough either cause if the feelings are deleted, the feelings will come again. A block button should work, my heart would block any feelings to feel towards him but then deep inside I know I have feelings for him, it's just that I won't admit it. The only effective way to stop from these feelings are just basically, not have him in my life. I'm just gonna let myself sink into those feelings by just looking at him, just for awhile because he's right here, right now. I jumped in too fast, I fell too hard, I tricked myself into thinking that I could feel happiness again with Fred like I did with Karl. The audacity to think that I could love him, a person that defines the definition of perfect. Nonetheless, I'm just imagine the impossible for these 30 seconds. It might need longer time to get this hope out of my system but you don't always get you want, I only got 30 seconds.