Life As A Shadow Knight

Chapter 13

I'm on a mission to help this world, not destroy it.

Those words echoed in my head and racked me with guilt, I screwed my eyes shut and gripped the diary with a such a force I thought it might snap. The younger me.... the innocent me.... had been so determined to help not destroy. And look at me now! I failed my mission. I failed myself. No one is more disappointed in me than myself. I now it's just some words and that you don't always fulfill your dreams from a childhood but this feels different.

In a way, right now, it's not even my father's fault. It's my fault. What ever happened to the good person who decided to help others who couldn't help themselves? What happened to her? Where is she? She loved doing good deeds and look at her now! Do you know how many villages she's destroyed? How many I've destroyed?

I'm on a mission to help this world, not destroy it.

Why? Why had I done everything that I've done. Was it worth it? Was I even bringing righteousness into this world? If I was making things right and doing the right thing when why were so many people suffering because of it! A flash of regret pounces in me but I push it away. It's too late now, I can't turn back from this side.

If I'm going to be bad, might as well be a good at it.

I can't go back on anything I've just done. How can I change what can't be changed? I thought this side would please me. Would fulfill me. All I'm doing is pleasing the Shadow Lord. Not myself. Why aren't I happy anymore? Why aren't I pleased with who I've become. Gene has always told me make sure you're pleasing yourself while telling me that when I was good, I was pleasing mankind, not myself.

More like the opposite

I'm on a mission to help this world, not destroy it.

The people I killed didn't deserve to suffer. They had families who loved them. They had people who cared. Mankind care about each other. I know this because I used to be part of mankind and I cared for people.

So they have to be the same.

I didn't join this side to help, I joined it to destroy.

Across the room, I see a mirrior, I walk over to it and see two sides of Ofelia. Two sides of me.

One of person I once was, the person who quiet and shy but always looked out for others. The one who noble and loving and would do anything for those she cared about, even give her own life. One who was there to help. One who wanted to do good in this world and become a person worthy of being related to. 

And one of the person that was a monster I had become. The one who was glad to destroy and was immortal while doing it. The one who wanted cruelty to rule this world. The one who killed of fun, the one who tore families apart and wrecked them. The one who took everything away from mankind because she believed they took everything away from her.

When really, they gave everything to her.

I'm on a mission to help this world, not destroy it

I was trying to be a good person. And I failed miserably.

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And you thought that other chapter had ALL LE SELF-DOUBT.

Nah this one did :), how emotional and crazy. To be honest super-focused writer side of me took over this chapter and I kept repeating that quote I'm on a mission to help this world, not destroy it to get some meaning across the entire thing. I hope you enjoyed because I LOVED MAKING THIS CHAPTER. I don't know why I just love sentimental chapters like this one. Ones that's just a whole bunch of emotions and nothing more. :P 

Bye!