Last First Kiss #Wattys2014

Chapter 37

"What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" he asks, sounding quite mad. He releases his hands on my arms and puts them down to his side.

I look up at him to see that tears are forming in his eyes. "I just need time because I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand the hate I get from people who barely know me. I can't stand the pain they let me go through - physically and emotionally. And I can't stand the fact that they will never leave me alone because they don't want me to be happy with you. I can't make this sacrifice anymore, it's too big. And I know for one thing that I don't deserve all this hate."

"And you don't think that the sacrifice I'm making for us isn't big?" he asks, his voice becoming louder by the minute. "You don't think that I don't go through the same pain that you go through? Don't you know that it kills me inside to see you hurt? Don't you know that I've done everything I could to stop those haters from hating you? I've made great sacrifices too, you know."

"That's the point - Liam. We can't do anything to stop them from hating me. No matter what we do, no matter what I do, they will hate me because I'm with you. And no, you don't go through the same pain that I'm going through, because you're not the one they're hating on. You're not the one receiving death threats. You're not the one who's hair gets pulled on. You're not the one receiving all the hate. You're Liam Payne, for crying out loud. They will never hate you, they worship you. So where does all the hate go? To me!" I say as the tears fall down my cheeks. I bury my face in my hands, crying hysterically.

"So you want to break up with me?" he asks. I lift my head to look him in the eye. "This is it. You're giving up on us. After all that we've been through," he says, shaking his head as he puts his hands on his waist.

I snort. "All I ask is a bit of time, a bit of space. But here you are, claiming that I want to break up with you. Maybe it's you who wants to break up with me, Li. Tell me, how many hot girls did you see and wish that they were me? How many girls did you lay your eyes on and wish that they were your girlfriend, instead of me?"

"Do you really think that I could be that low?" he asks, sounding disappointed. "I only had my eyes on you."

"Had," I emphasize what he said. "You know what, I'll save you all the sacrifices and the embarrassment. Maybe we should really break up," I say, wiping away my tears. "And this is not me giving up on us. This is me, looking out for what's best for the both of us."

"No, you're only looking out for what's best for you," he corrects, rubbing his forehead in frustration. "Don't you trust me anymore? Do you still doubt me, Lexi?" he asks.

"I don't know. I don't know what to think anymore!" I reply, messing up my hair in irritation. The words from Anthony days ago just makes me question everything about our relationship. It's irritating because I know that I shouldn't be questioning our relationship.

"Didn't you consider me in all this? What about me, Lexi? What about my happiness?" he asks. "Did you ever think about what would happen to me if you left? How terrible and miserable I'll be?"

"Of course I did, Liam," I reply.

"You know exactly what will happen to me if you leave me. Yet, you're still willing to go," he says, looking at me with hurt in his eyes.

I stand up to face the window, trying to calm myself in order for me to think straight. I've made a decision, and I'm going to stick to it. No matter how selfish I may seem.

There's a moment of silence and the only thing that I can hear is both our breathing. I can tell he's thinking about all this, really hard.

I turn around to face him. He's seated on the edge of the bed, looking down at his hands. "Look me in the eye and tell me you still love me," I say, moving closer to him. He looks at me straight in the eyes.