I won't wait (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 34

Jess

Thanksgiving was very odd since all I could think about is that this is the first year without my mother. It was slightly dreary and saddening, but my father and I pushed through. He drank lots of vodka, and I didn't mind, I could feel his pain. I didn't drink, I didn't want the hangover. I actually have a date with Chad today. We planned it on Thanksgiving, he wanted to ditch his family on Thanksgiving, but I forced him to change it to today.

The day after Thanksgiving it's always hard to wake me up, so I was very glad when he planned it for 3:00. I was able to relax my entire day away. I stayed in bed until 11:00, and I watched cartoons until I saw that my clock said 2:00. I might as well get ready.

I dressed in dark jeans and a nice dark grey button up. I looked snazzy. I walked around the house feeling sore for no reason other than getting out of bed. Chad had texted me that he was on his way, so luckily I only had to wait 15 minutes before he arrived.

He wore black jeans with a cream sweater over, very simple, but he still looked delectable none the less. He gave me a quick kiss before escorting me into the town car. I'm not actually sure where we're going, since it's a surprise and all, but I was trying to be a good sport even though I was nervous.

We talked about sports, food, tv shows, all very normal things to speak about as I watched where we were driving, trying to figure out the location. Chad kept texting on his phone and I found it very rude, I wanted to smack the phone out of his hand, but I knew better than that. Who is he texting anyways, who is so important? Any other time this probably wouldn't bother me, but this is our first date. Shouldn't he try harder?

"We're here sir". Chad looked up from his phone abruptly and smiled at me apologetically. At least he knows that he is in the wrong. The driver opened our door and Chad grabbed my hand as I stepped out of the car. I still wasn't sure as to where we were since I hadn't gotten too acquainted with New York. I looked at Chad and he was blushing with a small smile on his face, is it the cold weather that's causing the reddening of his cheeks?

His phone started to ring but he ignored it. He rolled his eyes as it took a while for his phone to stop. The third time his phone started to ring he went to turn it off, but stopped at the caller ID. "I'm sorry, I should probably answer this". He wrapped his arm around my waist and talked in a rushed tone, about mid way through the conversation he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the curb, holding up a hand for a taxi. His face looked frantic with a hint of annoyance.

We were already in the moving taxi by the time he ended his conversation. "What's wrong, what's going on?" He looked out the window and bit his lip.

He rushed out his response ignoring all of the times that I tried to interrupt. "Derek is in the hospital - he's fine - but I figured you'd want to see him because ... you know. On the way back home he got in a car accident, it wasn't major, but he's in the hospital just to be sure". It felt like everything in me stopped. I know he said that he's okay, but what if he wasn't. What if I had wasted all of my time being mad at him. I feel so stupid.

Chad and I hadn't talked for the duration of the car ride, I didn't know what to say to him, and he didn't know what to say to me. Once again our time together was interrupted by Derek, and I know that it's probably bothering him. If Chad didn't care so much about my feelings, I'm sure that he wouldn't have told me, and we wouldn't be getting out of the car right now to walk to the entrance of the hospital. If Chad was Derek and the roles were reversed I wouldn't be here, and I feel terrible for wanting the man that would do such a thing, but I want Derek.

Before we walked into the hospital I stopped Chad to talk to him. "I'm sorry Chad".

"It's fine, we can go on a date some other time". If only that were the problem.

"No Chad. I'm not just saying sorry because our date was interrupted, but because ..." I could see the tears collect in his eyes and the smile that forced its way upon his face.

Chad spoke in a breathy voice, not able to vocalize anything over a loud whisper. "It's okay. I always knew that you would never be mines. I knew that Derek would have you. He always gets what he wants, and he's always had you". His voice cracked and so did a piece of my heart. I wish this didn't hurt him. He placed a hand upon my face and stood up straight as if he was making himself believe that he was okay. "You were never mines, not even for a second. And that's okay". I don't think he realized that he was shaking his head no as he said that it was okay. A tear fell from his face and he quickly wiped it away. He kissed my lips, and I allowed it to linger, knowing that this wasn't supposed to be romantic. It was his goodbye. I'm sorry but, I need Derek.

He stared to walk away and I grabbed his hand. "You're not coming?"

"No, I need some time alone. I'll come see him later". I watched Chad's retreating form. He deserves so much more than I would ever be able to give him, because I love Derek.