I won't wait (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 38

3 months later - now early July when school is about to end.

Jess

Derek and I were at a small restaurant eating pasta. He looked so handsome in his button up denim shirt with his khaki pants. He was enjoying himself, and I didn't want to ruin that, but I had to. I decided that today I would have to tell him. I'm spending most of my summer in Pennsylvania with my father, and I should break it off before I leave. It'll be better that way. He was smiling at the waitress asking for more lemonade when I worked myself up to it. "Derek?" He looked at me innocently, not expecting anything.

"Yes ?" His brows lightly furrowed and his his face showed that his nerves were kicking in. I'm so sorry.

"I'm not going to be here for senior year". He looked as if he didn't understand, so I further explained. "I'm going to college next year -"

"Where?"

"Perelman".

"That's not too far we can visit each other. There's Skype, FaceTime, we can still keep in touch". He was calculating all of this in his head trying to make sense of it, and he was doing a pretty good job. The thing is, I don't want to be with him if he's not there with me. I can't do long distance relationships, especially when I still have major trust issues. Plus, I don't need any distractions.

My stomach flipped and my breathing thickened. "I don't ... do long distance relationships". He visibly stiffened and his breathing ceased. His jaw locked and I could tell that he was trying really hard not to cry. I was starting to panic. This has probably been the worst idea ever. Just seeing him start to break down makes me want to stay. I love him so much, but I have to do this, for me, for my career, for my father.

"Why are you going to college early?" He was doing his best to stay calm.

"I'm going to be in college for a long time, and if I can start early, I might as well". He clenched his fist and a tear fell out of his left eye. I love you with everything in me, please remember that.

"Please just can we at least try to make long distance work. I promise we will see each other so often. It won't even feel like I'm ever away". You're just making this harder my dear. "Please, Jess, we can make this work, for us - please". The sincerity and love in his eyes was burning a hole strait through me.

"Derek..."

"Am I not reason enough for you to stay?" His voice was wavering and he could no longer control his emotions. Forgive me.

"Derek, I love you, please believe that" now my voice was wavering. "But I have to do what's best for me right now". If only that could be you. "You are a distraction, and I can't have that". He looked up trying to hold his tears in, but only more fell. He harshly wiped them away and composed himself before laying down 100 dollars.

"Pay for our meals. I have to go". Watching him rush out of the restaurant was the hardest thing for me. I cried into the cloth napkin having a hard time speaking when the waitress came with the check book. My chest was clenching and my breathing labored. I love him with every nerve in my body, but I love myself more, and that's what I have to focus on right now. My career defines the rest of my life, not him.

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Derek

I ran and ran until I couldn't anymore. My feet carried me at least six blocks until I slowed down and actually allowed myself to feel the pain. He's leaving me, and I can't make him stay. I can't force him. I can't control this situation no matter how much I want to.

I choked over my own breath and tears feeling my body slump. I cried, loud and hard. I sent out a text to my driver not even caring if the message was readable through my blurry eyes. He's leaving me, he doesn't want me. We could've made it work. I would've visited every single week if I had to. We both have the money to visit each other when necessary, so why wouldn't he even try to make it work?

My driver arrived 10 minutes later, picking me up from whatever corner I had wound up on. I sat in the backseat staring at all of the people around me. They look happy, they're moving on with their lives, while I can't help but feel stuck. All I can wonder is, if I never cheated, would he have waited.

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Thank you so much for coming to the end of book one. Don't be sad, their story is not over. Once I finish, I Won't Let Go, their story will continue.