Temporarily Yours

Chapter 20

Sometimes you just have to take the leap
and build your wings on the way down.

~ Kobi Yamada

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   The sun had sunk well over two hours ago and I had already put the kids to bed. I'm sure they were all sunggled up, sound to sleep by now. It was a safe bet, I decided, that I'd be okay to take a walk out on Luke's farmland. It'd been a whole day and Luke still hadn't come back home which worried me profusely and filled my mind with unnecessary thoughts, making me tell my conscious that if anything happened to him it was because of my doings. I'd been the one who'd basically broke his heart and shot his love offering down. This made me feel sick to my stomach.

  As I walked, I crossed my arms around my torso, compressing my winter coat a little more closer to my body to warm myself up. The chilly winds blew on my face, making my cheeks feel almost raw, and I'm sure they were rosy red. My mind was clouded with images of Luke's facial expression as I kept silent. There he was, professing his love for me, as I stood there in pure shock and disbelief before eventually running away, not knowing what to do or say. I know that me turning away had basically been like me ripping his heart right out of his chest. I'd been there in that situation with him before many times, my heart slowly shattering into tiny shards of glass that only cut me more, adding to the pain. Yes, I knew exactly what it felt like.... but why was I running away from him? Maybe because it was now me who is scared to love this man. Frustrated with myself, I kept walking.

Soon, I noticed a glimmer of light in the distance near a patch of trees. I'd never known of a building way out here, and who could be there. I quickened my pace in attempt to figure out what was going on. I slowed as I noticed Luke's truck parked beside a small little cabin. Oh thank God, he was alright. My eyes landed on the five or six empty beer cans laying in the moonlight path. He'd drank because of me... My stomach twisted itself into knots and I begged myself not to cry. A few of the Miller Lite cans also had bullet holes in them. He had been drinking beer and wasting bullets, how cliché. As I approached the door, I reached out and slowly grasped the handle that was cold to the touch, sending spine-tingling shivers up my arm. I creaked the door open and went inside. All was quiet except for the crackle and pop of the wood-burning stove in the corner, that is until I heard Luke speaking from the only other room off of the miniature kitchen. Slowly, I tip-toed over towards the open door and peeked inside. Luke's back was turned towards me as he stared out a window, but I could just barely make out the picture frame Luke was clutching to his chest in his hands. It was a photograph of us at Christmas, holding up our gifts. I didn't know he had kept that picture.

  "Chelsea, it all felt so right. I thought she loved me, but I guess not." Luke said dryly, trailing off. "I thought you'd be okay with me loving someone else again, I finally told myself that, and just when I found the right person who wasn't trying to get in my pants or use me for my money, she shoots me down."

My breathing hitched and I looked on, tears glassing over my eyes. Luke continued, this time praying.

  "God, it's been a while but I really need you right now just as I need her. You've taken so many people from me... Chris, Kelly... Chelsea. But Lord, I can't lose Caroline too. I don't think I could ever find another like her." Luke sniffled and reached up to his face to wipe away the tears. "So if it's Your will, please, send her back to me. Let her love me unconditionally just as I love her unconditionally.... I need that woman."

I took a deep breath as I watched Luke pray about me. He really did love me. What was I thinking, running off like I did? This man was all I'd ever hoped and wished for in a man, yet I still walked away. How dare I? "Luke," I whispered.