Titanium (One Direction Fan Fic)

Secrets

                                                  Razlene's P.O.V:

                     It's been two weeks since I thought about telling them. Tonight, I was, I had to. 'I was ready for this. I can do this.' I think silently as I am called to stage. I run out and wave. "Hey guys! Thank you for my fans' support and I think it's time for me to answer some questions from my fans. Okay, @cutiegirl, Am I an orphan?' Yes I am.' I answer a few more questions before interrupting them and announcing the song I was about to do.

                   "Okay, this next song is one by one of my personal favorite female artist icon, Pink. I used to sit at home and listen to it on replay. This song is called, "Perfect." I begin to sing it and it plays the video in the background. I watch the video, tears in my eyes as I go back to the haunting bullied memories. As I sing, I notice my voice breaks when she begins to cut herself. I clear my throat and keep singing. When it takes the short instrumental period, I wipe my eyes and clear my throat.

                    I bring the microphone back to my mouth and finish the song. I place the microphone back on the stand and sigh. "I am sorry for the break up there. I, uh, need to confess something." I say quickly. Murmurs begin to erupt throughout the stadium and I interrupt, "I've had some encounters with fans and I think it's time to let you guys know what you deserve to know. You've heard people say it'll get better and I know people out there in this- ANYONE in this stadium who has self-harmed, raise your hand." A bunch of hands raise and I nod, my hand slowly raising.

                Gasps of utter shock emerge from them. "I'm not lying. When I was in the seventh grade I was bullied so much and I had no parents to help me through it all, I had no friends, I didn't believe it could or would get better. I took all the self-hate I had and used it against myself. I cut my side, and let me tell you something. It isn't okay to hurt yourself. Whether you cut, you erase, you burn yourself with a hot object, whatever it is you do. It isn't okay. Everyone is beautiful and you shouldn't give the bullies that satisfaction. I also want to tell you, I was twelve then, and I am 19, almost twenty. I've waited 7 years for all seven scars to disappear. They barely went away last week. The scars it'll leave will remind you of everything. It doesn't help, so please stop. This next song is another of my icons, it's Demi Lovato's "Warrior."

               When I finish, everyone does a standing ovation and I smile. "Thank you all. Welcome out my friends, The Wanted!" I race off stage, tears falling from my cheeks, my emotions mixing. Happiness, relief, and sadness to see all those people who hurt themselves. I go to the dressing rooms and cry into my hands. No doubt, my was white shirt was see through. I hear the door open but ignore it. "Hey girlie, you okay?" Paul asks sincerely. "Uh, yeah. I'll be fine." "Talk." He says, sitting on the couch.

             "I'm happy I finally got it off my chest, relief to that as well, and just sadness because ALL those people from young to old hurt themselves." I cry into his shoulder and he rubs my back. "It's okay. You're fine. Shhh." I cry and he pulls an apologetic smile. "I have to go. I am sure the boys will be in soon." I nod and fall onto the couch, hurting so bad. My tears fall and about 45 minutes later, my door opens again and I feel hands on my back.

               "Raz, c-can we see?" Nareesha asks, careful with her words. I nod and turn onto my back. I pull my shirt up and everyone looks taken aback. "How come we didn't see it when you tried on the bikini?" "You can't tell unless you're staring for a while." "Raz, I'm so sor-" "No. I don't want sympathy. I t was my choice. I did it to MYSELF." "Raz, it was our fault." "No, it was my fault." Liam sighs as he punches the pillow. He turns to punch the wall, but I pull his hand back and he pulls me in for a hug. I sob and he holds me tighter.

               "Shhh." He coos. I pull away and look at him. "It wasn't your fault." "You really can't see them." Kelsey cheers. I wipe my eyes, but memories of the bullying comes back and I run for the bathroom. "Raz, open up!" "Hold on." "Raz, are you okay?" "y-yes." I sob out. "Please open the door." "No." "Please." I don't reply and instead, sink against the corner of the room. The door jingles and I put my head in my knees. I feel a hand on my right side and it pulls me closer to a male figure.

                    I look up and see Niall holding me. I lay my head on his chest and he smiles at me. Harry sits on the other side and rubs my hand. "Princess, why didn't you tell us?" "I was trying to the night when I asked you to sit, but then Paul interrupted and I wasn't going to tell you at separate times." "Gorgeous, why are you crying?" "Happiness, relief, and sadness." "What?" "Happiness that I got it off my chest, along with the relief, and then sadness to see girs and even some boys younger than I was, raising their hands." "That was heart-breaking." "Yeah, it was. But Raz," I refuse to look at them and instead look at my lap.

               "Hey, look at us, Raz." "I'm sorry." "Raz, it isn't your fault." Leigh-Anne says. "We can see why you did it. No one was there to help yo-" "Liam was, but-" "You didn't want to tell me because you knew I'd fight against them." "See, Raz, you were just trying to protect him. It's fine because you learned from it." "And look at it this way," "You're using your mistake and experience to help others around you." They all realize. "People you don't even know." Max smiles.

               A hand grabs my chin and slowly lifts it up. "Raz, you're making a bigger difference in this world than we can. You're changing their lives by letting them connect with you." Lou comforts as my eyes meet his. "You guys change lives too. Do you know how many posts I've seen on Facebook that have your fans thanks for saving them and giving them the self-confidence they've been deprived of?" "No, but by the way you said that, you've obviously seen a lot." Zayn jokes. "Yeah, a bunch."

              "Come on. Let's go get something to eat!" Niall yells once we sat in silence for a couple of minutes. "Sure. Why not?" I laugh. They get up and Perrie attempts to pull me up, but I become stubborn. Nathan wraps his hands around mine and pulls me up easily. "She needs a large combo." "I do not." "You weigh no more than 85 pounds." "99 pounds actually." "Exactly. You should be at about 110 pounds." I roll my eyes and pull my 'jacket' around me tighter.

                "Are you cold?" Harry asks as he watches me. "No, I just am being- hold on." Perrie and the girls are way ahead and talking about something. "Wait, where's Raz?" I jump on Jesy's back and all the girls scream. I fall off Jesy's back and land on my bum as I laugh. "Oh my gosh! Your faces! That was so hilarious." "What is it with you and floors? Are you having some romance with them?" Lou jokes. "Yes. I meant to tell you-" I was laughing so hard I couldn't finish. Liam only adds to my laughter when he dramatically claims, "I thought you loved me?" Everyone breaks into laughter after that and I get off the floor.

                 "Let's go. I'm hungry." I admit once the laughter dies down. "Finally she says it! Let's go before she gets over it." Perrie exclaims, pulling me outside with her. I roll my eyes and then realize, these people are the ones that will be there for me. I realize, this is my family and I wouldn't want it any other way. My secrets were released and so was I, from the capture of pain and secrecy. I was free.