Finding You

chapter 18

Warm, soft, and fluffy. That's how I describe the pancakes my mom makes. But now, after sitting out since she left for work, they've lost their charm.

I put the unbuttered, syrup-free pancake in my mouth. Its blandness reflects how I feel right now.

I have the whole house to myself today. And that's just fine with me. I know Zay wanted me to stay with him, but I just can't right now.

I eat the rest of the pancakes. I eat a lot when I'm really stressed, happy, tired, excited, or basically too much of anything. I grab an apple and go up to my room.

I close my door and look around. I'm bored out of my mind. What is there to do when you're refusing to do what you really want to do?

The answer comes annoyingly fast. My art project is sitting on my nightstand. I grab a box of colored pencils and my sketch book and lie on the ground.

I use browns, yellows, blacks, oranges and even some red pencils as I make each strand of color for my eye. The colors mix and blend perfectly with each line.

I spend all day working on my project. I lose track of time and before I know it, I hear my mom pull into the driveway.

I've been done with my project for a couple of minutes, now I'm just admiring it. I should probably go talk to my mom though, she'll wonder why I'm home.

When I get downstairs, I sit in the dining room. My mom walks in covered in dirt.

"Hey mom! Did you have a rough day at work? You seem dirtier than usual," I joke.

She smiles brightly when she hears me. "Hi honey! I thought you were with Savannah?"

"Uh, yeah. I decided to come home, I wasn't feeling well. I'll probably go over there today." This is partly true.

"Oh that's too bad. You usually stay with them if you're sick there. You must have felt awful."

She looks at me with sympathy. I feel so guilty. I don't lie to my mom. She is the most innocent thing, I feel like I'm taking advantage of that.

"Yeah. So why the apparel? Did the animals break lose?"

She laughs. "Well, Snoopy and Scarlet broke out. The two dogs need to be on a 24/7 watch everyday."

I love Scarlet. She's very rambunctious, but when it's time to quiet down, she's as sweet as a cookie. Snoopy on the other hand, is an infinite wind up toy.

"Did you have breakfast? And lunch? With water or milk? I made pancakes."

"Yeah, they tasted great. But I kinda skipped over lunch."

"Am, you know how I feel about you skipping meals."

I roll my eyes. "Mom, I never skip meals."

She sets her work bag down and walks over to me. She puts her hand on my forehead. "Exactly. So are you feeling okay? Do you still feel sick?"

I swat her hand down, and give her a hug. "I'm fine now. I just lost track of time. I was working on an art assignment."

"Ooo! Show it to me. I want to see what sidetracked my daughter."

I bring the picture to her. I've always loved showing my mom my art. She loves looking at art and I love making it. She's a fan of my work.

"Oh my! Amber, this is magnificent! Make sure you keep this, don't let your teacher put it on the sale."

That's another thing. My art teacher is amazed by my work too, so I'm always asked if it can go on the school's Arts Sale. I get 1/3 of the money so I say yes unless my mom wants it.

"Ok mom. I'll save it."

"Good. Help me make dinner. We're having salmon loaf."

****

"Mom, when dad gets home tell him I said goodnight and that I love him."

She looks away from the movie we were watching. "Going to sleep already?"

"Yeah, I have school tomorrow."

We laugh together because my whole life my mom never made me go to bed earlier than I wanted. School, or no school.

I give her a hug and kiss goodnight. "I love you mom, see you in the morning."

"Goodnight. I love you too."

I climb upstairs and get ready to sleep. I have to use my older tooth brush and clothes because my stuff is still at Zay's. I put on my mouth guard, but realize there's no point since I've forgotten to put it on so many times.

I lie down on my bed. But I feel off, like something is wrong.

Then it goes away and is replaced with an electric thrum that no human can cause. I look around my room. He isn't inside, so I turn on my side to peer out the window.

I see his silhouette in the moonlight. He doesn't even bother hiding. I turn on my other side, in hope of hiding the smile of content on my face.