Finding You

Chapter 45

Hey peeps. The title for this book is going to change from "It's Indescribable" to "Finding You" This felt like the hardest decision in my life, but I finally made up my mind. The cover should be changed within a few weeks but I'll keep you posted. Enjoy the chapter, and don't forget to comment!    

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I wake up Sunday morning knowing it's going to be a slow day. I was one hundred percent right because five hours later, I'm laying in my bed bored to death.

Zay has been out with his dad, Savannah is busy with Ethan, and Max isn't responding to my texts. I spent most of the day catching up on homework. I spent the other half studying for a test in Spanish.

I glance at the clock and then back at the specks on the ceiling. It's only 3:30.

A knock on my door pulls me out of my stupor. "Yeah?" I call out.

My mom opens the door, peeking inside. "Hey honey, what are you up to?"

"Absolutely nothing," I say honestly.

"Good, Savannah's parents called a little bit ago, asking if we can watch Connor. They want to go out, and I guess Sav isn't there."

I smile gratefully for the opportunity to do something. "Okay, cool," I answer. I have no problem watching Connor. He's pretty quirky at times, but he doesn't go out of his way to make trouble.

I walk to the front door and peer out of the window for a couple of minutes until I see Mrs. Boltris' minivan pull up in our driveway. The second it stops, the seven year old zips out of the car and runs up to the door.

Connor has light brown hair, a contrast to the rest of his family's blonde, and thick black glasses that seem too big for his little head. His face lights up when he spots me.

"Hi Amber!" he yells through the window.

I open the door and return the hug he wraps my legs in. "Hey Connor, what's up?"

"Mommy and daddy are going on a date, so I get to hang with you!"

I wave bye to Savannah's parents, thankful that they didn't come out and let my mom bring up a conversation about me "staying the night" over there. That would have been a disaster.

"So what do you wanna do buddy?" I say when we walk back inside.

"Lets play chess!" he says delightfully.

"Alright, if you really want me to beat you again."

Playing chess with Connor is iconic. He doesn't really get the concept of it, so to him it's just a game of checkers with oddly shaped pieces. One day I'll teach him the real way, but he has too much fun making up fake rules for the advanced checkers game.

"Can I eat some fruit snacks while we play?" he asks politely.

"Sorry, your sister ate the last one the other day," I say, upset about it too.

"You can have some carrots," my mom suggests to him walking out of the kitchen. I already know what his answer to that will be.

He shakes his head and frowns, but recovers right away, grabbing the chess board from the game closet. We bring it into the living room, where my dad is snoozing quietly on our sofa. I raise my finger to my lips to signal Connor to keep quiet, even though a tornado could destroy the house, and he still wouldn't wake up.

We start our game, him picking red because its the very lucky color.

"Are you and Savvy going to the dance together?" he asks, not being too loud. 

"You mean Prom?"

He nods. "Yeah, the big, amazing dance. The one like no other dance. The one that will be the best one ever." I have no doubt that those are the exact words that Savannah used when she described Prom to him. 

"Yep, we're going together with our boyfriends."

His nose scrunches up. "Eww, you have a boyfriend too?" 

"Yup."

"Do you have to hold hands?"

"We don't have to, but we like to," I admit, biting off a smile.

His mouth drops open a bit, but he keeps the questions coming. "Do you kiss?" he asks in a whisper.

I laugh. "How do you know about kissing?"

"Do you love him?" he asks, the innocent child that he is. Unfocused, I set my piece down in the wrong spot, giving him a free opening to jump me. He sticks his tongue out and jumps two of my pieces. "Do you?" he asks again.

I pause, wondering if I should confide my feelings with a little boy. I decide, what could it hurt?

"You know bud, I don't know. I think I might be starting to," I say truthfully.

"Does he love you?" he asks, trying to cheat and move two places.

"I don't know. He hasn't said so." I move twice to make up for his cheat.

"Well, I love you Amber."

"I love you too Connor."

"Hey you moved twice you can't trick me!"

I laugh at his limited attention span, and reluctantly move my piece back one. Connor wins that game, only because he cheated, and I win the next. We take a break and eat some hot dogs, and watch some tv with my dad. The evening goes on, and even long after Connor leaves, my mind is still wrapped up in the thought of love.

I wonder if what me and Zay have is love, or if its just a strong attraction. What will happen after we're safe from Ryder, and we have nothing left but time on our hands? Will he still want me? Will I still want him? Or is this just all a meaningless dream?

I know that deep down, I hope that its something so much more.