Saviour (Black Veil Brides)

what goes around comes around

I ran up to my room and closed the door behind me, slowly i tiptoed into the bathroom and took my phone out of my pocket. My hands shook as i dialed his number and put the phone up to my ear. The ringing seemed too loud and my chest got tight with every ring. Finally the ringing stopped and i heard a familiar voice say my name. “Ashley oh my god Ashley" I said breathlessly “Bliss why are you calling me?" he asked, his voice hard and cold. “I called because i need to know what the hell is going on, You love me, then you leave me, then you cheat on me, then you try to kill yourself, then you love me and now you’re leaving me again. Ashley i can’t stand this, I’m hurting people i love because you don’t know what you want so tell me right now. do.you.love.me. I want to know, give me your answer and if you don’t i’ll be gone from you life just like you want me to be. it’s as simple as that and if you do love me then you’d better start fucking showing it i’m going crazy over here i don’t know what to do you seriously turned my whole life upside down." There was silence on the other end and then in a voice almost too soft for me to hear he confirmed exactly what i was scared of. “Godbye Bliss." he said and then the line went dead. I sat there for minutes unable to move I just sat on the floor and listened to the beeping of the phone. This morning felt like days and all i wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. I wanted to scream but no sound came out. One question haunted my mind what am i going to do now?

*Ashley’s POV*

I threw my phone across the room, it hit the wall with a thump and i could see that it had left a hole. great i thought to myself looks like we’re not getting the damage deposit on this room back. Sitting down on the bed i looked over at Andy he was sat across from me on one of the ugly chairs that hotel rooms always seem to have. “What did she want?" he asked. I just stayed silent, I didn’t want to answer him because i knew if i acknowledged him i’d start to cry and he’d probably punch me for hurting bliss the way i did but he didnt understand, no one understands what it’s like to love someone like Bliss. So young and full of life, someone so broken at such a young age is a true hazard. Having to watch every single thing you say because you never know what’s going to set her off, although i love her sometimes she just made me want to pull my hair out. I couldn’t understand why i loved someone so much younger than me, it makes no sense. She’s young enough to be my little sister yet half the time she acts older than me, 

"I said what did she want?" Andy said, his voice turning cold. “She wanted to know if i fucking loved her okay? she called me asking me if i loved her basically telling me i’m ruining her life. And do you know what i said? I fucking said no so she could move on and love someone like Cody and have a normal life and maybe she wouldn’t be stressed all the time and maybe she’d be happy and like waking up every morning. I’ll move out when we get back i swear, i’ll get someone to go in next time Bliss is out and pack up my stuff, just please Andy you have to understand i couldn’t keep hurting her." I looked down at the floor but i could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head. 

"Ashley, what you’re doing is going to hurt her more than anything else you’ve done. Not only did you just lie to her you told her you didn’t love her. All Bliss wants in life is for you to love her and you go and fuck that up because you don’t wanna hurt her. Last time i checked this was just making it worse. Do you really think distancing yourself from her is going to help anything? she’s going to be more hurt and it’s going to hurt the band and all of our friendships. Ashley you made the wrong decision but i seriously don’t think you needed me to point that out." and with that he stood up and walked out the door letting it slam shut behind him. 

"Fuck" i yelled getting up and punching the wall. A sudden pain shot up my hand and i looked down at my now bloody hand. “God damnit" i said trying to bend it. I made it about three inches down before the pain got worse. “I picked up my phone and dialed one of the only numbers i knew off by heart. I listened to it ring until i was greeted by a cheerful voice on the other end. “Anabella would you come over and fix my hand for me?" i asked, my face burning a bright red “Ashley what did you do?" she asked, her voice soft and caring. “I punched a wall" i said and she laughed. “I’ll be over in a minute, don’t move it until i come see it" she said and hung up. I hung up and looked down at my phone. The screen was cracked and the case was broken but aside from that everything was fine. A few seconds later i heard a soft knock on the door, A head of red hair peeked around it a few seconds later. 

"Oh Ashley what are we going to do with you?" she asked cradling my hand in hers “Lock me up where i can never hurt anyone ever again" i said under my breath. “Ashley, what happened with you and Bliss?" she asked looking up at me, her big eyes filled with curiosity and love. “I told her i didn’t love her so she could move on with her life and stop worrying about me." i said breaking eye contact with her so i didn’t have to see the look of pain in her eyes. “Ashley Purdy what am i going to do with you?" she said as she cleaned the cuts on my hand. “I don’t mean to hurt her i just sometimes i forget that she’s just well" “a kid" she said finishing my sentence for me. I nodded my head and she smiled at me. “I get the same way, sometimes i forget that she’s my younger sister, i feel like she’s the most mature of the two of us sometimes. She forgets how to be a teenager. She just wants to love you Ashley, she’s never felt this way before. You were her first and honestly i don’t want you to be her last, in some ways i want you to be her only. Keep that in mind the next time she talks to you and asks you how you feel. Don’t lie to her, be completely honest. Tell you that sometimes she makes you want to punch a wall but other times all you can think about is how she’s going to feel wrapped up in your arms when you finally come home to her. Tell her how you’re taken aback by her beauty every time you look at her and how it hurts when you feel like sometimes she’d rather be a normal teenager. Tell her how you’ve never loved someone like you love her and that you’d never change the last night you shared together. Tell her how you want to grow old with her and have kids and get married and call her yours forever. Tell her everything you’ve felt since day one Ashley, she deserves to know and chances are the more you open up the more she will too." I looked down at her and sighed. “You always know exactly what to say" i said to her and she just smiled “its because i speak from the heart" and at that she wrapped my hand in a bandage, handed me my phone, kissed my forehead and was out the door as quick as she’d come through it. 

If there was one thing i was sure of it was that i had to come clean to Bliss even if that meant hurting and losing her one last time, this tome being the last.