Checkmate (Doctor Who fanfiction)

Ruthless Ruby

Look. I've always liked pirates, okay? I just always have. Like, besides The Doctor, they were always my favorite parts of storybooks, and you can probably guess why. Fighting with machetes, epic hats and trench coats made by the gods. Add talking parrots, vicious behavior, and exceptional talent at wordplay, and they were basically my ideal heroes. Who else besides Captain Hook would be able to stand up to my dad?

So when The Doctor said we were visiting pirates, he might as well have told Amy that we were visiting Peter Pan.

What he didn't tell me, once again, was that it was going to be cold.

Yes, so I ended up standing in the middle of a rather handsome pirate Captain's quarters in a crisp white t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and black boots my hair put up so messily I looked like I woke up three minutes ago, probably about to be killed. And my arms felt like icicles. But I was smiling like an idiot. I mean, these were real, live pirates.

I think The Doctor sensed that I considered the captain handsome, even though he was like, ten to fifteen years older than me at least. I guess since I'd snagged someone who was ten to fifteen thousand years older than me, he figured he should count on my being pretty unimpressed by age, which was probably wise. Anyways, The Doctor ended up pretty much glued to my side, failing at being casual.

"We made no signal," Captain Avery was informing us.

"Our sensors picked you up. Ship in distress," The Doctor answered smoothly.

"Sensors?"

"Yes. Okay, problem word. Seventeenth century. My ship automatically, er, noticed-ish that your ship was having some bother," he explained hesitantly.

"That big blue crate?"

"That is more magic, Captain Avery. They're spirits. How else would they have found their way below decks?" A boatswain said behind us shakily.

"Well, er, I want to say multidimensional engineering, but since you had a problem with sensors, I won't go there. Look, I'm the Doctor. This is Amy, Rory, and an insane psychopath who you will be lucky to learn the name of before she kills you," he said cheerily. "We're sailors! Same as you. Ooo ar." Avery cocked a gun and aimed it straight for The Doctor's forehead. "Except for the gun thing. And the beardiness."

"You're stowaways!" Avery insisted. "Only explanation. Eight days, we've been stranded here, becalmed. You must have stowed away before we sailed."

"Now what do we do with 'em?" Questioned the boatswain.

"Oh, I think they deserve our hospitality."

Oh, great.

***

Of all the adventures I've dreamed of going on as the famous pirate, Ruthless Ruby (a name I made up for myself that was actually much more threatening than I actually was at the time), I never figured this would happen.

The Doctor was standing on the edge of the ship's plank, and the pirates were cackling evily.

"I suppose that laughing like that is in the job description. Can you do the laugh? Check. Grab yourself a parrot, welcome aboard." As he spoke, The Doctor bounced up and down happily.

The handsome- I mean, Captain Avery spoke up. "Stocks are low. Only one barrel of water remains. We don't need three more empty bellies to fill. Take the doxys below to the galley. Set them to work. They won't need much feeding."

Excuse you sir, I eat like a horse.

I found myself pinned to a pirate who stood beside me, and I instinctively fought being restrained.