just another hannigram au

I'm so sorry, Will

*Hannibal's POV*

"I'm so sorry, Will"
And Hannibal meant it.
"Yeah, you already said that...", Will said, then added, "just like all the others"

They were in Hannibal's car. He had just driven them out to Dr. Bloom, Will's new psychiatrist.
Hannibal had thought about this a lot. Trying to remain professional, trying to stop Chilton from finding the truth about Hannibal's latest love interest, trying to find a good psychiatrist for Will... it was hard work. But in the end, he had referred Will to Dr. Alana Bloom.
Still, it didn't feel right. Will looked so... so disappointed.

In an attempt to keep his voice unconcerned, Will more cried than said: "Yeah, I'm kinda used to it. You know... no one wants me, and to be honest, why should they. I'm shit, not even my psychiatrist wants me" he tried to laugh it off, but what escaped his lips was something between a cough and a sob.
Hannibal couldn't stand to see Will like that. Will had never talked about his feelings, so in a way it was good he did now. Nevertheless seeing Will so broken hurt Hannibal more than he thought possible.
He gazed at Will, then in a whisper "that's not true, I just can't. I can't be your psychiatrist anymore. I can't help you. I.." he broke off, knowing that if he kept talking he would reveal too much. How he cared too much, how he just wanted to keep Will safe, make him feel good, comfort him... geez, he is so frail, yet so hot... oh that eyes, like looking at an ocean, so deep, so... Hannibal blushed as he noticed how long he had just stared at Will. Quickly he looked away. Out the window at Alana's practice.
"Well, William, ehm..." Hannibal tried to smile encouragingly. "Let's get out off the car and meet Dr. Bloom. She is an expert, youz should know that. She can and will help you. It's gonna be all right." Without looking at Will he opened the car door..

Hannibal was half way out of the car when he heard something he hadn't heard before. Will Graham was laughing. "Of course" Will mocked. He looked straight into Hannibal's face. Now Hannibal couldn't turn away, he got back into the car, without closing the door.
Will still laughed, but behind his eyes was endless night. "You know my mom said, you are the best. But you gave up on me, like every one." His voice started to break as he continued "they say they're my friends, but no one cares, they don't really know me, the real me. Not even my parents. They're just disappointed, because that's what I am: a fucking disappointing little shit. I just can't make anything right, I... Winston is my only true friend and he's a dog. I'm alone because I'm not enough, not worth anything... my parents, they... they said it's just a phase... a phase. You would help me, but you don't, you can't because it's not a phase. I know that by now. It's just the way I am. I'm different, not normal. That's why no one ever bothers. I could just as well be dead." Will had broken into tears.
And throwing away all thoughts about professionalism and what's appropriate, Hannibal pulled Will into a hug. Will sobbed against his shoulder and craving human contact -something he avoided under normal circumstances- he half crawled half was pulled into Hannibal lap. Will buried his head in the crook of the older man's neck and hold on to Hannibal's sweater with both of his hands.
Hannibal put his arms around Will, very cautiously, and rested his head against Will's.
All he could smell was Will. It felt like in this very moment Hannibal could take everything of Will in, all at once. He felt his body heat. He was highly conscious of every part where his own body touched Will. He felt and heard his heartbeat. Felt him breathing against his throat. All Hannibal could feel and sense was Will. Every thought was occupied by Will, every sense was occupied by Will. His body, his souls, his whole being was captured by this broken, fragile, young man. He wanted to take it all in. He forgot about time and place. Nothing mattered anymore. Just this perfect boy in his arms.

*Will's POV*

Will's breathing slowed as he calmed down. Only half admitting to himself how much it helped to let it all out and just cry.
Will doesn't do crying and being emotional and stuff. He'd rather pretended he didn't care at all than admit how lonely and miserable he felt. That is one reason why nearly no one knew how depressed he felt, more likely: how depressed he was. Only now after years of believing no one liked him and of having an inconceivably low self esteem some people realized how down he was. Some people... like Jack. Who was mainly responsible for him having a psychiatrist.

Now that Will had stopped feeling like fading and had calmed down he became rather suddenly aware of where he sat or more accurately on whom he sat.
A bit too abruptly, he pushed away. To his own embarrassment, his breathing got heavier.
Their faces only a few inches apart, they looked into each others eyes.
"I..." Will stopped, not knowing what to say.
Dr. Lecter still had his arms around him. When he took his hands away, Will could still feel his skin tingle.
He released his grip on to Dr. Lecter's sweater. Slowly and painfully aware of his awkwardness Will climbed out of the car through the still open driver's door.

When Will turned to look at Dr. Lecter, he looked as professional and distant as if the moments just a few seconds ago hadn't happened. Seeing that cold, closed face, Will felt a terrible sting he couldn't explain himself.

As they were about to enter the pratice of Dr. Bloom, a man stepped outside. He looked at Dr. Lecter and smirked. While his dark eyes light up he said:
"What a surprise, Dr. Lecter and"
the man turned to look at Will "and your patient"
after a little pause and with an even bigger smirk he added "the one we talked about?"
Dr. Lecter straightend up and looked even more expressionless than before if that is even possible. Then with a cold smile he answered: "what a surprise indeed, Frederick" making the name sound like an insult.