Unfinished Perfection

Progressing Back

"What if he doesn't make it?"

Gemma turned her head and stared at Lynette with an unreadable expression. "What?"

Lynette turned too and looked so apologetic and lost, Gemma wanted to hug her. 

"I just...you've lived with this for so long, I just wondered how you reconciled with, well..."

Gemma felt her strong exterior melting away as she followed Lynette's gaze to the blinds separating them from Harry. "Of course I've thought about it. This isn't the first time he's been this ill.  When he was eight, we thought it was over. It was," Gemma closed her eyes and the flashbacks came all at once, "one of the worst years of my life."

She swallowed, and the words flowed out as if she was recounting a memory from only days before. "Harry has a really bad allergy to Aspergillous," she glanced over at Lynette and explained quickly, "it's a fungus in the lungs." Lynette nodded in understanding and Gemma continued. "He got a really bad infection just a few months before his eighth birthday and got admitted to the hospital the first time. Five weeks. And just when we thought it was getting better, he caught pneumonia, the P. Cepacia strain.  So, just like that, three more weeks."

Gemma was beginning to tear up a little and she felt Lynette's hand hesitantly on her arm. "It's okay, Gem. You don't have to keep going."

Gemma smiled a little through a sheen of water. "No, I'm fine. I think, maybe letting it all out will help. It's been...more than ten years now and I still remember everything like it was yesterday.  Harry never really complained really, you see.  He was always at the hospital and I was always going to dad's house when mum was with him. I almost resented him a little for taking mum away from me that whole year. Anyway," she took a deep breath, "miraculously, he got better just in time for a really nice birthday party. The family went all out, rented out a really nice place and invited everyone.  Then of course, weeks later, he got a stupid cold.  And it was like our entire world fell apart." A tear spilled over, and Gemma brushed it away with the back of her hand. Lynette reached over and held Gemma's hand tightly.

"What happened?" Lynette whispered, hoping Gemma couldn't tell that it was trembling.

"Same as every cold, really.  Got a bit weaker and didn't want to eat as much. And then more trouble breathing and then mum took him to the hospital.  I didn't see him for weeks and mum barely came back except to take a nap and then dad would go be with him a bit. When they finally took me with them to the hospital, I think they wanted me to say goodbye.  Mum kept crying and dad was so quiet--" Gemma was stifling sobs. 

"I didn't recognize him, Lyn. He looked so small and there were five IV drips, all over him, and his entire face was covered with this oxygen mask that looked like it was too big for him.  Mum tapped his forehead and he opened his eyes and the first thing--the first thing he does is pull his mask down a bit so he could show me his loose tooth." Gemma smiled a little at the memory. "Could barely breathe and he managed to tell me that he was going to get another 'adult tooth'.  Then I think I teased him because I'd already gotten my full set of teeth, and he told me he was going to get them too someday and they were going to be stronger than mine." 

Lynette giggled through her own tears at the thought of little Harry. 

Gemma's own smile faded a little as she spoke again. "Harry--uhh--stopped talking about wanting to grow up in the next few days. Started throwing up blood every time he coughed, or sat up, or ate.  They fed him intravenously, but he just got thinner and more tired every day.  And then, one day, when mum and dad were out and I was doing some maths homework by his bed, Haz just started crying.  Told me not to tell mum, because he didn't want her to worry so much. And then he told me he wanted to die because it hurt so much to breathe." Gemma shrugged hopelessly and looked at Lynette through her tears. "I didn't say anything, just stared at my little brother and grabbed his hand."