Unfinished Perfection

Impacting Medicine

Long distance was difficult.  Though they talked virtually every night, Lynette felt distanced from him.  It wasn't for lack of trust or a lack of love, but the fact that Harry chose that semester away from her to mature decades. It wasn't a bad change—Harry was the sort of person who could never be disagreeable—but it was change nonetheless. And it was a change that seemed to happen overnight.  Lynette couldn't really pinpoint what about Harry was different. He had the same smile, the same charm, but he had the look of someone who had lived far more life than he had.  And decidedly more life than she had. 

All of a sudden Lynette felt as if their relational dynamic had changed.  She still teased him a little and made him smile each night, but his newfound maturity never seemed to leave. She could only call it maturity because there was no other to describe it.  His voice, always delightfully low, took on a new inflection; Lynette felt as if she was straining to hear the layers of meanings to his every word.

"Do you love me?" She asked one night, not because she doubted it, but simply because she wanted to hear the answer. She felt instantly childish as she said it.

From the monitor, Harry's eyes softened. "Of course, love.  With everything in me. From now to perpetuity." He frowned, focusing his full gaze on her, "What's wrong? Have I done something?"

"It's silly."

"I want to know, nonetheless."

Lynette sighed, running a hand through her hair, "I can't even explain it to myself.  It's like you've become an old soul somehow and I'm, well, I'm not."

Harry lowered his eyes and he put down the pen for his assignment.  "Oh."  He sounded a little sad.

In the pregnant pause, Lynette explained. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I love you more each day, in a way I didn't think was possible. But it's like with each passing week I have to mourn the past you's that I fell in love with."

Harry didn't answer.  He seemed a little detached as he looked around absently at his small dorm.

"Harry, I'm sorry I said anything."

He shook his head, focusing back on her.  "I know. I feel it too.  And I can't help it.  I think, with being away from England, from all of you, I just felt like I could see my life from the outside, you know what I mean?  Like I saw where my life was and what it'll become and I just get it. It just feels like I've gone to acceptance without actually grieving."

"Oh Harry." Lynette wanted nothing more than to be near him. She absentmindedly reached up and ran a finger along his face on the computer screen.

"I'm not sad, Lyn. I promise. And I don't want you to feel like you're being left out of my thoughts. When I sorta understood my life, I understood how much I needed you too.  It's like the petty little things didn't matter at all, just the big stuff.  My close friends, my family, and you."

"Maybe I miss waxing about the petty little things with you." Lynette said wistfully.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I could schedule in a petty fight every couple weeks if you'd like?"

"Very funny."

"Did I just see you stroking the computer screen?"