Rebirth

Chapter 44: Root of the Issue

Everyone in the guild went to bed an hour after the show that night. I wanted to be as far away from Zhaniah and her new boyfriend at the moment, so as the last of the members went to bed, I slipped out, in nothing but white shorts, and made my way to the town river. My hair was still wrapped in its messy ponytail, and gently moved with each step I took. I learned a lot over the past year, and I hadn't gotten to test myself against anyone since I got back.

One of the techniques I learned was the copy spell Ashley used on me before. It wasn't difficult to pick up, but it took a lot to get it to a decent level. Closing my eyes, I focused, willing my magic to boil, then split from my body. It glowed, shaping into my outline, before my features began coming in. Opening my eyes, I smiled, watching my own face, and bowed to it. It followed suit, then raced at me, throwing rapid fists. I ducked and dodged, moving back quick, watching its movements as clear as I could. My reaction and awareness grew as well. It was easier to pick up flaws in my opponents. Most likely a side affect of my eyes abilities maturing.

Midnight sparring had become a nice release for me. Over the year, I ran into a lot of common day issues, from finding food, to actually working to get enough clothes. I may be a being of magic power, but I still live by human rules. I needed clothes, and a bath, and soon, a place to stay. Sparing was an escape from all of that, to clear my mind, and let my thoughts go away for a while. My body would be on autopilot, and it would be like I was sleepwalking.

I noticed it each and every time I did it, and now was no different, because it didn't take me long to subdue my copy. When I came back from my thoughts, it was lying, face down in the river stream, and glowed brightly, before vanishing and the magic copy entering my body. I looked at my hands, sighed, and sat down, watching the river. The moonlight peeked through the clouds, gentle beams of light touching the water surface. It was quiet, very quiet.

I felt water running down my cheeks, and on instinct wiped it away. My eyes looked up, thinking it was starting to rain, but I was surprised when there was none. The water hadn't stopped though. I crawled to the river, looking at my reflection, and instantly pieced together what it was.

I was crying.

Why, I couldn't figure out myself. I was mad, sure, but inside, it felt hollow. Empty. Worst of all, despite coming back, the realization of everything that happened so far put a single thought in my head.

I was alone.

Cynthia thinks I'm jealous. No, not just her, everyone who knows of the situation thinks I'm jealous. Looking at myself now, I don't think it's that at all. In fact, my inner voice was telling me it wasn't that. I was sad because I was alone. In that moment, everything I wanted to put to the back of my mind came rushing to the front.

I lost her twice. There was no way to go back and fix anything. I lost Jocelynn, right before my very eyes, and nothing in the universe could help rewrite that. Zhaniah has someone to care for her, and in turn, it felt like I lost a friend. That was partly my doing because I wasn't so accepting of the idea. Cynthia, I could depend on her, but at the same time, I felt more of a burden if anything.

Thinking about them lead me to thinking of Beowulf. What was he doing now? Was he planning to come back and wage war? It wouldn't surprise me. From what I know, Amaterasu has a destructive streak about him, and with Luna by his side, I was pretty sure they'd come after me first.

I sat back, wiping the tears from my cheek once more, and clapping my face. "Come on, buck up. You have to be stronger than that." I jumped to my feet, stretching. Looking up, the clouds greeted me with a gentle drop. One. Two. Then a gentle pour of rain water. I sighed, turned, and started walking. As much as I didn't want to, I'd have to go back to the guild. I just hoped I wouldn't overhear anything from Jarrod and Zhaniah. The idea replaced the sadness with a twitch of irritation, but I ignored it and continued on the path back.