Rebirth

Chapter 48: Harsh Decision

"You want to use my army to wage a war!" Richard yelled at me. I stepped back, hands raised defensively and chuckled softly. "Well, it's not like it isn't for a good cause.. We just need the extra fighters for us to have a chance."

"Justin, you've done a lot, but I can't afford to sacrifice my army for you guys right now," He said sighing. Cynthia crossed her arms then, stepping up. "So you're abandoning us?"

"Not exactly," Michael said, cutting in. "We just need them here. Tension and crime has been on the rise since the repairs started with the town. There's not a lot we can do to spare any men."

I groaned, running a hand through my hair, and sitting at the steps of his throne. Eyes fell on me, waiting, hoping for me to come up with some kind of compromise. Truth be told, Richard looked like he would take any excuse to help us out, the issue is, we weren't sure of how to come up with one.

"Well... You would set an example."

We looked at Zhaniah. "Worst case scenario, crime will just rise until the repairs are done. When we're done with what we have to, the guild can easily catch the criminals running around."

"Can we afford to waste that much time though.." He covered his chin. "... Half. I'll send half of my guards, so at least you have something."

"Half is all we'll need right now," I said, looking at him. "Amaterasu is dangerous, we know that, but he shouldn't be able to handle everyone coming at him at once."

"Wait, he's stronger than Eridon isn't he? Eridon could take down entire armies by himself."

I paused a moment, and mentally slapped my forehead. "Yeah. You're right... Ok, so much for him not being able to beat all of us.." We all looked at one another, and grouped together in a small circle, speaking quietly over the next course of action.

As determined as we were to start the fight with Amaterasu, we couldn't come to an agreement with how to plan it out. Zhaniah and Michael wanted to track him down and fight him front on. We could've gotten away with that if we knew exactly what we were dealing with. Amaterasu was a demon and wolf hybrid from what I assume. Not only that, he was a fire demon, with the flames of purgatory at his control. Handling him alone would be a big issue, but we also weren't sure if he would have an army at his disposal as well. Luna was stupid, she'd gather some other forces to help in the fight. Even she isn't that confident in his fighting abilities.

The planning stopped around 11. The day came and went, and we all retired to our own bedrooms. I couldn't sleep that night. I tossed and turned, lying on my back and watched the ceiling, to the point I thought I saw slight movement. Figuring I still had energy to burn off, I got out of bed, slipped on some pants, and left my room, jogging down the hall. The castle was big enough that I could move and burn off energy that way. Maybe even fall asleep in the hallway.

I came into the main hall after 20 minutes of running. I stretched, loosening the stiff muscle in my body, then sat on the floor. My thoughts were all over the place, from when all of this madness started to now. So much has happened, and I was sure anyone would have gone insane from it all. Yet, even at the most desperate times, I kept a relatively calm mind, and trudged on. I've loved and lost, fought hard, won some, lost some. I hadn't realized how thankful I was to be alive until now.

What were we going to do about Beowulf? He would have spilled so many secrets and weak points of the guild. They could pump him for information on each and every one of us. In the case he didn't, how would we bring ourselves to actually fight him. He was a close friend, despite me being angry at him for leaving. Even then, I felt guilty about it because he was following his heart.

Running a hand through my hair, I lied back, catching a glimpse of Zhaniah coming down the stairs. "There you are." She said, walking and sitting next to me. "What are you doing out here?"

"Burning off energy. Thinking. Why, you lonely?"

"A little bit," She admitted. "Place is big. My room is pretty empty too."
"My my, the queen is trying to seduce her subject."

Growling, she playfully slapped my arm, "In your dreams!"

I sat up then, bringing my legs close to my chest. "So.. We're going to have to kill him, aren't we?"

"Yeah," She said, biting her lip. "He really didn't give us much of a choice in this case..."

"It makes me think back.. Sometimes I wondered what I would do in this situation.."

She looked at me then. "And what was the conclusion? Did you swoop in and stop it without killing anyone?"

I shook my head. "I always ended up picturing dying.."

Her eyes widened, and she shot up to her feet. "Why would you..."

"It goes back to my depression.. I've thought a lot about some things... Never really ended up well on my part.." I stood, brushing the dirt from the back of my pants. "There's still a lot I haven't told everyone about me. You know most of it, how I always felt left out. I told you before, that now that I have the power to protect you all, I'll do it.. But.." Images of Jocelynn flashed in my head, then Porrelth. My voice cracked some, and I looked at my hands. ".... I can't..."

"You've done a pretty damn good job so far. What would change..." She stopped, lowering her gaze. "Oh..." She glanced up at me, a growing curiosity forming her eyes. "What were you going to say?"

"When?"

"Back at the guild... Before Jarrod interrupted us.. Well, you.. I could've sworn you were gonna say.."

"Don't worry about it," I said, stopping her. "It was something stupid. Well, I'm heading to bed. Night." I turned and hurried up the stairs, leaving her in the hall. I could've finished voicing my feelings, my thoughts, but truth be told, something else was growing inside. Two people, two who were so close to me, ended up dying and I couldn't protect them. If I started another one, growing even closer with Zhaniah, or anyone for that matter, I'd only be putting them in more danger. Everything that's happened, and will happen, is going to end up revolving around if I have the ability to be strong and fight, or seeing someone else's blood on my hands. Not again. No, I wouldn't do it again.

I couldn't bare the thought of anyone else getting hurt. Losing their life from being connected to me. If I hadn't shown up, or seeked them out, Porrelth would still be flying around now. If I had been stronger, and reacted faster, Jocelynn would still be here.

No sense in dwelling on the past though. Once this is all said and done, I'll officially say goodbye to everyone.... Either by leaving the guild, or dying in this upcoming fight.