It had been two weeks with little to no contact from, really anyone. Emily had stopped by, but barely made it five minutes in the room without crying.
It seemed like everything went from bad to worse. The worst part was, they actually thought they were helping me. They figured that by reducing the amount of visitation time, and getting rid of physical contact, it would help maintain my health. But they couldn't have been more wrong.
I had barely smiled, laughed, or even looked at anyone who walked into the room. Kyle was probably the worst of everyone. It was so hard to look at him knowing that i couldn't kiss him, hug him, or hold his hand. But it wasn't just like that with him, it was like that with everyone who came to visit. It was like everyone thought that if they talked too much or breath to heavily that they would be signing my death sentence.
To say i was depressed was an understatement. I had began throwing up at least once everyday and the amount of food i ate decreased drastically. But that was just a side effect to this disease. No not cancer, depression.
I was so frustrated that i shoved the table holding my food a little too hard. It rolled across the floor before crashing against the wall with a bang. I huffed before closing my eyes and leaning my head against the pillow.
"How are you feeling" Kyle's voice rang through my ears.
"Leave my alone" I said as i kept my eyes closed. But he didn't make any attempt to leave. Finally i opened my eyes to meet his. He was just staring at me, like most people did.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"What's wrong" I repeated in a voice that someone would use if the question they were asked was so unbelievably stupid that they couldn't comprehend why someone would ask that. I wanted to scream, or punch him, all at the same time. But instead i just looked at him for a moment.
"How about the fact that for the past two weeks i haven't been able to kiss you. I haven't been able to hold your hand because i'm scared or frustrated and holding you hand makes me feel better. Or how about the fact that i can't hug you, i can't even be close to the person i love. The person who's supposed to be there for me when i need them the most" I started as the lump began to clog my throat and the first of many tears began to fall from my eyes.
"Or how about the fact that my mom and dad, and even my siblings, treat me like i'm some distant cousin. Anna won't even speak to me. Zach doesn't even look at me. My mom just asks the same questions as if one day they're just gonna change. Emily couldn't even speak to me. She just stared at me for five minutes before running out of the room hysterically crying" I was now shouting at this point.
"I get that i had a tumor in my brain that is killing me more and more everyday. I get that. I get that you guys think that this is in some way supposed to help me, or keep me around longer. But honestly this no contact rule and limited visitation is killing me more than the tumor is" i finished. I had more to say but i couldn't seem to get it out of my mouth. I had all this pent up frustration and anger bubbling inside of me that i just wanted to let it out. I grinded my teeth as i squeezed my fists hoping that maybe that would help relieve some of the anger. I could feel the food rising in my throat even though i hadn't eaten anything today. I paused in the middle of my meltdown before grabbing the puke bucket next to my bed and emptying the contents of my stomach into the bowl.
Nurses suddenly came rushing in, ordering him out of the room. So much for things changing around here. One of the nurses took the bucket before leaving the room to go clean it out, while the rest checked my charts to make sure i wasn't going to die at any second. As they began to leave i stopped the last nurse.
"Can you send Kyle back in here" I asked.
But-" She started to say.
"Please" I shouted. She sighed looking a little taken back before nodding and letting the door close behind her. Despite how shitty i felt, i yanked the sheets off my legs and swung them around so they were hanging off the edge of the bed. I slowly rose from the bed being mostly supported by the bed. It wasn't that i couldn't walk, but i had grown so tired that my muscles were aching with every step i took. When i made it to the bathroom i ran my face under the sink before slowly brushing my teeth. As i made it back to the bed Kyle finally walked into the room.
