They never tell you this, but when you're dying, you can just sense when the end is coming. You get weaker, you begin getting headaches everyday, you don't want to go out anymore and most of the time getting out of bed is a struggle. You begin losing your appetite, you just begin to not care. Like you're slowly weening yourself off life.
"I brought you're favorite" I heard Kyle say as he walked through the door. I smiled slightly as i struggled to sit up in my bed. He walked over to the bed pretending not to notice my struggle and sat down next to me. In his hand he was carrying a bowl of soup, chicken noodle soup to be exact. Soups were pretty much all i could ever eat anymore. I slowly grabbed the bowl from him with shaky hands and set it in my lab. I slowly began taking slurps off the spoon as Kyle began to tell me what happened throughout his day. I listened intently just savoring the way he talked about everything in detail and how his face would light up when he was excited to say something.
"What are you looking at" He asked when he noticed me staring.
"Just you and your beautiful face" I smiled up at him.
"If anyone's beautiful here, it's you" He replied with a wide grin.
"Thanks babe" I muttered before going back to eating my soup. When it was half way gone and i couldn't eat anymore i slowly set it on the nightstand next to my bed. I suddenly felt this overwhelming amount of pressure in my throat and i knew exactly what was about to happen. I reached for the trashcan next to my bed and buried my head in it as the soup decided it no longer wanted to be in my body.
I felt Kyle next to me rubbing my back as he held my hair out of my face. I set the trashcan back on the floor and grabbed my water bottle. I took a small drink before groaning and laying back in the bed.
"Are you okay?" Kyle whispered.
"No" I admitted. I felt terrible. Everything in my body hurt. My head was pounding and i couldn't stop sweating.
"You don't look so good" He admitted as he rested his hand on my head.
"Woah you're burning up" He said as he got off the bed. I felt the room darkening and knew that i was passing out. It happened a lot recently, and kind of became a routine. I didn't even phase me anymore.
//
"How are you feeling" Dr. Franklin asked me when I came through.
"Same as last time Phil" I replied with a dull tone. He came by so much that i always referred to him by his first name. I was kind of like a regular, but i guess that just came with having a cancer that was slowly killing you.
"Are you feeling up to going out for a bit?" he asked.
"Why?" I asked.
"I think it'd be good for you" He smiled. I just nodded lightly and looked out the window until someone came and got me.
"Time to go baby girl" My dad said as he lifted be out of the bed and into a wheelchair. We headed to car and i stared out the window at all the houses we were passing. It wasn't until we passed the high school that I looked away.
I hadn't been talking to Emily or anyone for that matter really. I know they tried calling and texting me all the time, but i didn't have the energy to see anyone anymore. Seeing school made me guilty for not trying to reach out to them, or see them, or even send them a text here and there. But I knew it wasn't going to change.
After driving around without a real destination in mind, we slowly made our way back to the hospital. Apparently going past my old neighborhood and school were supposed to make me feel better. But it didn't.
"How are you feeling" I heard Kyle ask as he walked through my door.
"Good" I smiled before turning my attention back to the floor.
"Now the real answer" He said softly as he took the wheelchair I was sitting in from my dad. We walked down the hallway in silence before I even bothered answering him. My room was empty when I reached it which meant I had a little bit of alone time with Kyle.
"I feel terrible Kyle" I started as I climbed back into the bed, "I don't have energy to do anything. It's like my body is ready to shut down even though my mind doesn't want it to" I explained truthfully to him.
"I'm sorry" He said looking at the ground.
"Come here" I said scooching over in my bed to make room for him. He climbed into bed and snuggled up next to me. I instantly took in his warmth and breathed out a sigh of content.
"I love you Kyle" I smiled.
"I love you more" He replied as he kissed my forehead. I looked up at him with a smile as he smiled back at me. I leaned in and gave him a kiss before looking towards the small tv hanging on the wall. When i heard his soft snores i smiled to myself before cuddling closer and playing with his hair. My muscles ached. My head was pounding. I hadn't showered in days and yet here this boy was, hoping that by some crazy chance he can fix me.
"Im sorry" I whispered before drifting off to sleep myself.
