Doctor's Orders

58. Self Care

Ian stayed with Harry the following day, too, just sending brief texts, telling me that Harry was all right and that he was working through some things. What kinds of things did he have to work through? He'd been working through them for months in therapy. What suddenly happened that drove him back to this mess of a man I thought I'd never see again?

Bridget redirected me, wanting me to put my anxiety to work, suggesting that we do some reading online about alcoholism, relapses and how to be a supportive partner. After we'd spent hours doing that, we looked up the nearest Al Anon meetings, the support group for the loved ones of alcoholics. I tapped the next one into my calendar, and Bridget offered to go with me, which I accepted. I started to feel a little silly that I had been trying to do any of this without the support of others. Thank God for friends like Ian and Bridget. 

Three days after I'd stormed out of the penthouse, I returned. I had learned a lot from the websites I'd devoured, and I planned to approach Harry with compassion and determination. I wanted him to know that I loved him above everything else that was going on, and that I planned to love him no matter what. 

What I didn't expect was for Harry to attack me when I walked in the door. "You told everyone about me?" He grumbled, sitting on the couch with his feet kicked up on the opposite chair. His head was tilted back; he would have been staring at the ceiling if his eyes were open. 

"I didn't tell everyone, Harry," I replied firmly. "I went to stay with Ian and Bridget because I was upset."

"I feel like you fucking betrayed me," he said more strongly this time.

"What?" I asked, becoming livid. "I've been nothing but supportive of you!" I shouted. "So now I've betrayed you by telling a few close friends? News flash, Harry. They knew a long time ago, and do you know why? Because you're not the only one who needs support!"

"Because I'm such a burden on your life?" He retorted sarcastically.

"You are not the burden. This," I said, motioning around us. "This is the burden, this situation that we're in. You have the love and support of your family and a few trusted friends. I didn't even tell my family until two days ago because I didn't want them to think badly of you. But it's unfair for you to expect me to carry this all by myself!"

He didn't say anything else; he just huffed and stalked off to the bedroom. 

"Welcome home, Ellie," I mumbled sarcastically under my breath. I went into the kitchen to do some tidying because neither Harry nor Ian thought to do the dishes over the past few days. Most of it was takeout trash anyway. I worked for a little while and then went to get in the shower. Harry had fallen asleep on the bed, so I just left him a note after that, telling him I would be downstairs in my apartment.

I cleaned my place top to bottom, only really having to remove a layer of dust since I'd hardly been there. Then I organized my closet and pulled out some clothing for warmer weather since spring was upon us. I filled a bag of clothes I no longer wore to donate to charity. I called both Meg and Aaliyah to catch up with them. I didn't tell them about Harry's drinking problem; I wanted to focus on what was going on in their lives and in my life, not the ominous cloud of alcoholism that had been looming over me for months.