Doctor's Orders

Four Years Later

This past year had some periods of intense stress for Harry, and therefore, for me. He applied for the position of the director of pediatrics, and it wore on him. There were multiple interviews and much discussion about his past alcohol use. I sensed that he was tempted to start drinking again, maybe listening to that old voice in his head that told him he'd never be able to quit. I didn't come right out and confront him directly, but I regularly encouraged him to head to an occasional AA meeting or to spend some time with Kurt, who had recently celebrated his tenth year of sobriety. 

One evening, he arrived at home much later than usual. I'd been worried. I tried not to overreact, but I could see in his eyes that something was wrong. I warmed up dinner for him and put Ethan to bed. When I came back down to the kitchen, I found him hunched over the sink. 

"Harry? What's wrong?" He turned and held me tightly. Soon his body was convulsing with sobs. "You're scaring me, babe. What happened?" I pulled away and led him to sit with me in the living room. He sat first and pulled me onto his lap.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he finally said. "I...I stopped by a bar on the way home from work."

I stiffened, ready to hear the worst, that he had relapsed and then driven home drunk. But he didn't smell like booze. I took a deep breath and said, "And?"

"I took one step inside and..." He started to get really upset and I rubbed against his chest, trying to calm him. "I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be that man again. I turned around and walked out." He closed his eyes, the tears wetting his cheeks. 

"Harry, that's awesome," I said. "Why are you so upset?" 

He took a deep breath in, filled his cheeks and blew it out. "I didn't think I'd still want it after all this time. I just feel like I'm weaker than I thought, you know?" 

"No, no, not at all," I said, holding his face in my hands. "You're strong. You resisted the temptation. I'm so proud of you." 

He relaxed a little and said, "You know what made me turn around and walk out?" 

"What?" 

"I thought about what you said years ago. You didn't want our kids to have an alcoholic father. And I thought of Ethan." His lip was trembling again. "I want to be a good daddy for him, you know." 

"Oh, Harry," I said hugging him. "You are a good daddy. And you might feel like a failure, but baby, this was a victory! You hear that? Victory. Because you faced the temptation head-on and you walked away." 

"Thanks, Baby. I wasn't going to tell you, but i didn't want to keep it from you either."

"I'm glad you did. I'm so proud of you."  

Harry was already the head of the pediatric ER, but the Director of Pediatrics position was still out of his reach. He accepted it peacefully and moved on. I think that the increased stress from the interview process had raised a red flag for him and he was content for now to stay in the ER position since it didn't entail as much stress. 

We were thrilled when Bridget and Ian bought a house not far from us this past summer. It's close enough that I could put Ethan in a stroller and walk there in ten to 15 minutes. She enjoyed coming to visit us as well, since it was awfully hot in August and September and her baby belly made it worse. I could relate as she was due right around Ethan's first birthday. I remembered the miserable heat and swollen feet all too well. 

In September, only a few days after Ethan turned one, Bridget and Ian welcomed a baby girl named Nadia. She was absolutely gorgeous with dark eyes and dark, curly hair. And I think she inspired Harry to start trying for another one of our own.

I teased him once, saying, "I know you like kids and all, but I think the real problem is that you're so horny all the time. What are we going to do about that?" 

"It means we're gonna try like hell for another baby," he said, making me laugh like crazy. I couldn't say I didn't like that plan because, as far as I was concerned, I had the hottest husband in the world. And I was ready for another baby, too.