Always here

Chapter //TWENTY THREE//

A/N:

Yup I changed the cover... again! I couldn't find the previous one double oops. I think this one's nice tho... Hahaha but whatever! I'll try not to change anymore?? *looks away laughing* Sorry not sorry 😆

Thanks all of you who commented in the previous update, I really really really REALLY appreciate that. And for those of u silent readers, time to be loud with ur actions!!! 👀 *hint hint*

Vote, comment and follow. 😊

Btw I actually had a slight writer's block for this chappie, had to rewrite it 2 times, but no pain no gain!

Anyway enjoy~~

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Xavier watched me with hooded eyes, his nostrils flaring every now and then. His fists were clenched tightly and I could see the veins protruding on his temple and arms. His breaths came out heavy and short, just like mine, but for very different reasons. I was still in pain though I did try to suppress it as much as I could.

Xavier took a step towards the bed where I'm was. He looked up again to meet my eyes, searching for something. I guess he found what he was looking for, because one moment he was several feet from the bed, and the next he was in front of me, our faces inches apart. I inhaled sharply.

The invigorating scent of Xavier hit my nostrils and I took another breath in like a druggie snorting cocaine.

I couldn't get enough of him.

We stared deeply into each other's eyes, just enjoying our scents mingling together beautifully. As usual, heat just had to interrupt us in our special moment. What a bitch, Mimi cursed in my head while I smiled internally.

I whimpered quietly as yet another shock of pain slapped me in the abdomen, gathering into a tight bundle of intolerable fire in my belly. It clawed my insides, causing me to screw my eyes shut. I really really hate heat, it's official.

A warm large hand cupped my cheek lightly, softly and the instant pain was lifted, although only by a bit. I looked up into the pained eyes of Xavier.

"Kitten... let the pack doctor help you." he paused, as if finding for the right words to say. He looked away for a moment and returned his gaze back onto me, "I'm sure there's some pills he could give you... I really hate to see you in pain. Because of me." He broke eye contact and started retracting his hand from my cheek.

It wasn't the words he said, nor the actions he made, really, in fact it was the sense of defeat I heard in his words, loud and clear. It pains me to see him pushing all the blame onto himself, when it wasn't even something he could control. He sounded so broken, I just had to grab his face firmly with both hands to turn his head to face me once more. The vulnerability in his eyes shone brightly, but I refused to let it stomp him, or me for that matter, down like we're nothing.

"Xavier listen to me." I looked straight into his eyes, trying my best not to let a sob escape me at the broken look in his eyes. "My heat, the pain... or whatever this is," I gestured with one hand, "isn't your fault. Every female mated to a werewolf goes through this. I have to go through this, I can't avoid this. I'm sure I'll pull through..." I ended softly, caressing his cheeks with both hands now.

But he wasn't yet convinced. He looked as broken, if not more after I had spoken. Suddenly, he moved away from me and I felt immensely hurt. I looked away from his hunched figure perched on the corner of the bed. He looked so... lost.

The heartache I felt earlier grew into something stronger. Determination. It stemmed from somewhere deep down within my being, blooming its way out like a fiery ball of fire, of drive. The good kind of fire. And I let it consume me.

I pushed myself off the bed and stride over quickly to kneel in front of him, trying to pull him back from his self-destructing thoughts. He was looking down, eyes closed and body shaking. He gritted his teeth.

"Xavier."

No response.

"Xavier..." I tried again.

Nothing.

I couldn't take the silence anymore, it was driving me insane! "Xavier Nathaniel Frayn! Look at me!" I lashed out fiercely and bravely. His head jerked upwards in surprise, like he didn't know I was there all along.

The surprise in his eyes soon gave way to guilt, and then transformed into pain and self-hate. I could literally see his emotions flickering across his face. He was that exposed and vulnerable. And I hated every single moment of it.

I looked him in the eye. "Listen closely Xavier, I'll only say this once. The heat is unavoidable. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's. It's just part and parcel of the mate bond, to rush us to make babies." I smiled despite all these. "I want to have a baby with you someday in the future, heck maybe even babies with a big fat 's'." His eyes lightened and the negativity was erased gradually. I carried on. "It's okay. I'm okay. I can take the pain, it's nothing I can't handle." I laughed, trying to lighten the heavy mood that I was growing to dislike.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him. "No, listen to me Xav. You can't go around blaming yourself for all these. It's ridiculous! And I'm not taking those pills. No way!" I shook my head furiously. Those pills he mentioned earlier could stop the heat. Forever. Which also meant I would most likely have 50% less chance of getting pregnant. 50% more chance of being infertile. I certainly didn't want that.

His expression turned hard once I mentioned the pills. I could see the internal battle he was having, whether or not to let me consume the pills. But I couldn't have that. I wanted to be ready to have babies when the times comes. When I was ready to be a mother. I didn't want to throw that beautiful chance out of the window.

I brushed a finger under his eye gently. I leant in and kissed him on the cheek. He leant in towards my touch and I gave a soft smile. My Xavier was still in there somewhere.

"Xavier, you don't know how much I love you. I love you so much," I pointed to my heart, "it hurts." I started getting teary eyed. I really do love him a lot. Like a lot a lot. A tear or two escaped my eyes, and he brought his hands up to brush then away as gently as I had touched his face just now.

"It's just not possible..." his lips curved upwards slightly, "that you love me more than I do you." He allowed a small smile to reach his face. I laughed softly, the heavy mood around us dissipating slowly but surely.

I glanced at him nervously. "So... does this mean the 'I-blame-myself-for-your-heat' talk is over?" I laughed.

He grinned at me, something I'd wanted so fervently to see, especially when he spoke lesser of himself moments ago.

"Well... I get where you're coming from. I want you to have my pups one day too... or kittens." I chuckled at his words. He smiled wider, if that was even possible. He pulled me off the floor and into his lap, nuzzling my neck. "But-" I groaned loudly and tried to wiggle my way out of his embrace.

He growled softly and tightened his arms around my waist further. "Okay fine, I surrender! This 'I-blame-myself-for-your-heat' talk is defiantly over." he grumbled under his breath.

I laughed and turned in his lap, smiling brightly at him, leaning in to give him a short and sweet kiss. Nothing dirty, just a sweet sweet peck on the cheek.

He sighed as he nuzzled my neck again, which made me sigh in content.

In his arms was where I truly belonged. This safe haven I could certainly get used to.