Deadpool x Reader

Baby Hand

(Based off movie but slightly different)
A/H: Anti-Hero name, assassin name

A/N: I found a site to watch the movie if you guys want to refresh yourselves before reading this.  It's free and theirs a ton of advertisements/spam but if you go to the 1hr 14min mark.  Here it is:  http://www.spacemov.com/deadpool-full-movie-2016-putlocker-free334/ I did this because I couldn't find a clip of it.  Hope it will suffice!

Your P.O.V
After escaping the X-man and girl, you made your way back to your apartment to wait for Wade.  Currently, you were watching the season 5 finale of Supernatural.  "Why!  Why would you do this Sammy!"  You said as you muffled your sobs with a mouthful of food.  No matter how many people you killed, somehow it was nothing compared to this. (Only Supernatural fans will understand.  It takes your soul and shoves it in the cage with Lucifer.)
Just then, your phone got a txt message.  Reaching over to the device, you looked at the screen.  It was Wade.

Dead: Hey Assbutt! Thanks for leaving me with buzzkill and drama princess.  I ended up riding home in a trash truck.

You let your fingers fly over the screen as you replied.

You: Lol.  How long did it take yr hand to grow back?
Dead: It's still not grown back u *poop emoji*

You waited until a photo was sent to you.  Opening it, you saw a baby hand attached to Wade's wrist with a not so happy assassin in the background.  You stared at the hand a moment more before you began laughing like crazy.

You: HAHAHAHAHA OMG. Trump hands.

After that, you got no reply, instead your phone rang with a call from yours truly himself.  You picked up the phone.  "Hello?"  "WHAT THE HELL Y/N!"  You cringed and held the phone away from your ear.  "WHAT OFFENDS ME THE MOST ISN"T THE FACT YOU LEFT ME TO DIE ALONE BUT RATHER CALLING ME THE WORST DEMON TO ENTER POLITICS!!!"  You grinned.  "I know.  Offensive isn't it but Oh so true."
Wade was silent, most likely agreeing with you.  Taking the time to talk, you pulled over the notebook on the sofa next to you.  "While you were dealing with your trashy situation, I was doing some research on Francis."  "You mean Francis the F*ggot!"  Wade said angrily.  You raised your eyebrows.  "Yea.  Well anyway, it turns outs Francis and Steroid-girl work to ship off mutants to god knows where."
"Good to know."  Wade said, completely ignoring you.  "Any news on Vanessa though?"  You shook your head.  "No.  I couldn't find anything."  You and Wade were silent to a moment  before he cleared his voice.  "Well any good news?  You sound like my doctor."  "Afraid not... You?"  You asked.  Wade gave a unstable laugh.  "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I DONT KNOW?  DO YOU COUNT A DEATH THREAT FOR YOUR GIRLFRIND FROM THE BIGGEST ASSH*LE ON EARTH GOOD?" 
You made and face and blinked as your ears rang.  "You need to calm down.  You should like a crazy person.  Where are you?"  "My place with Weasel... SO HURRY UP!"  Wade hung up by slamming the phone with a crash.  "Jesus Wade..."  You mumbled as you grabbed your nearby weapon bag and headed for the door.

~TIME SKIP~ (At Wade's House)
"Or you could... Just punch that..."  You heard Weasel mumble as you walked in the door.  "Weasel?"  You walked over to him, as he watch Wade beat up some dummy in the corner before running off to rob some guns.  "He's been going through this forever.  Like... He keeps grabbing guns then goes punching that dummy thing."  You stared as Wade filled an overflowing Ba with rifles, shotguns, and even a machine gun.  "This is why people are enforcing gun laws nowadays."  You said to him, leaning close so Wade wouldn't hear.
You watched as Wade's old lady roommate grabbed a gun and handed it to him as he tossed a People magazine into the bag.  "Ohhhh.  Hugh Jackman sexist man alive?"  You said grabbing it.  "This is my type of read."  You opened it and began reading.  Weasel walked over and dumped a bunch of bullets into the bag.  "That's about 3,000 rounds."  He said as he set down the empty basket.  "Yea and you all know what I can do with 12."  Wade said.  Weasel looked at you confused.  "He's trying to break the 4th wall."  You said.  "Oh."  Weasel said.  You nodded.  "Yea.  He does it a lot."
Just then the old lady walked in, holding a final gun, unforgettable, pointed at Wade.  "Whoa whoa. Granny."  Wade said as Weasel went to take the gun from her.  "Shoot him in the balls!"  You said cheering.  "Not helpful Y/N."  Wade replied.
The old lady walked up to him.  "I was going to spend the night assembling the Dodje but this has caught my attention."  Wade grimaced.  "I told you, we're going with the Or-gosh get it thought your head or get out of f*ck-town!"  "Hold your fire Wilson."  You said, stepping up to the lady.  "An old blind lady that uses guns is cool."  You put your hand on her shoulder.  She chuckled.  "Oh you have no idea."  The old lady reached down into her pant leg and pulled out a final gun.
"Are all the girls you hang out with Wade this cool?"  You said to him as he took the gun.  "Unfortunately no, I'm hanging out with you aren't I?"  You smirked.  "You know you love me."  Wade raised the chunk of skin where his eyebrow should of been.  "You sure?"
Weasel leaned over.  "Uh... Hey guys?"  You leaned close to Wade and he leaned in to.  "Shut up Weasel."  Wade said.  He grabbed you by the waist.
The blind lady said nothing,  because obviously she couldn't see what was going on but Weasel finally decided to intervene.  "Uh... Mission save Vanesssa?"  Wade broke his gaze with you and separated.  "Oh.  R-right."
You stepped back as well, slightly ashamed for hitting on your best friends man.  Clearing your throat to turned back to Wade.  "Alright you ready to do this?"  Wade nodded.  "Yea." 
Weasel held out a hand to Wade.  "I would go with you but I don't wanna."  Wade stared awkwardly before patting him on the arm and walking away.  "And Y/N". Weasel began as you approached.  "If you survive, call me?"  You smiled and patted him as well.  "Yea.  Not gonna happen buddy."
You followed Wade to the old lady.  "Hey uh.. Listen Al.  If I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much". He turned to leave before adding.  "And also, um, there's about 160 kilos of cocaine buried in the apartment.  Right next to the cure for blindness.  Good luck."  He whispered.
"Stay cool lady."  You said to her as you passed.  As you and Wade walked for the door, you heard Weasel talk to Al.  "Wanna get f*cked up?"  You rolled your eyes and spoke quietly to Wade.  "I can't believe I'm saying this but I hope we don't get F*cked."

A/N: I know this is a little different from the movie in terms of order but it's still the same basic storyline.  I can't wait to write the rest of this.  It just takes forever because I try to find the clip then find the order of the clips then write it out.  No matter, hope you liked it!  Write more soon!
~ <3 <3 ApocalypseRaccoon (raccoons are love, raccoons are life)