You and Wade walked up to the mansion where supposedly, a bunch of heroes lived and saved the world. "If I had a house that blew up every few years, I would at least move over a few blocks." You shook your head. "Neighborhoods these days. They look nice then BOOM." You waved your hands then snapped your fingers in Wade's face. "Next second your house is gone." "Why do you think I live in such a sh*t-hole?" Wade asked as he jogged up the steps to the house.
As Wade was about to knock, the door opened and Negasonic poked her head out. "Riply from Alien 3!" Wade said. "F*ck you're old." She replied. You laughed and Wade managed to give a pained laugh. "Y/N don't laugh. Fake laugh, hiding real pain."
"Nega! You haven't been returning my friend requests! Was up with that?" You asked holding up your phone. "Your Xx_Huge_Hugh_Stalker_666420_Xx?" You nodded. "Yea. How'd you not recognize my profile pic?" "The picture was a raccoon and a tree with machine gun." "Exactly!" You said throwing your arms out in front of you.
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"Hey wonderful you two are doing that girl bonding thing but we have a bit of a f*cking problem. Nega, go grab silver-balls." Wade said. She lifted an eyebrow. "You guys going for a bite?" She shook her head. "Early bird special?" "Oh like there's something wrong with eating before sundown or saving money." You laughed and pushed him off to the side. "What Deaddude is trying to say is-"
Wade shoved you back and finished your sentence. "You know that bad guy that you let go?" Wade said jabbing a finger in her direction. Wade sighed. "He's got my ex. Which is usually a good thing except-" You cut him off. "She's kinda out friend. Crazy world huh?" You said to her. Then you stepped in the doorway, a cold glare in your eye. "And you're going to help up get her back."
"Wade? Is that you?" Colossus said, voice echoing through the large hall. "Yea it's me Deadpool and I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse!" Wade said, leaning in the doorway. Negasonic and you stared at him, confused. Wade stepped back a little. "I'm going to wait out here ok? It's a big house. It's funny I only see two of you. It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-man." Deadpool walked away from the doorway leaving you and Negasonic rather confused. "He does this all the time and I'm starting of wonder if we do have people reading about us." You said to her. Then you looked around. "Or watching our every movement... M*sterbating to this." You shivered. "I'm going to go sit down." You said, walking into the house. "Got any food?"
You sat cramped in between Negasonic and Colussus. "and THAT!" Wade said as he set a gun and placed carefully in your cousins's hello kitty backpack. "is why, in my opinion, they movie Cocoon is pure p*rnography." He said to Dopender who nodded, probably having no idea what that was.
"Remind me again why a mansion like yours doesn't come with a big vehicle? Like a limo we could use? To better distance ourselves form each other and...." You glanced at Wade. "Him?" You made a face and leaned as far back as you could without bumping your head on Colossus's elbow. "Y/N!" Deadpool said. "We are supporting Dopender's business." "We pay him in high-fives!" You retorted. Wade waved his hand at you. "But it's the thought that counts."
Dopender leaned over toward Wade. "I know who the angry single is but who brought the emo girl and the twinkly man." He whispered. "Hey!" You said sitting up sharply before slumping down. "The problem is them not me." You said, thinking about your date life.
"Sure it is Y/N." Wade said before turning his attention back to the driver. "Twinkly, but deadly." Wade said. Negasonic scrunched up her nose. Wade continued. "My chrome Pen*s-ed friend back there, has agrees to give me a solid. In exchange I said I would consider.... joining his boyband."
"It's not boyband!" Colossus said, stopping his annoying drinking habits for a moment. You sighed in relief and picked up the drink from his hand and threw it out Negasonic's open window. "Sure it's not." Wade said nodding.
"So! Any luck with winning Gita back?" Wade said, changing the subject. Dopender cringed the took a breath in. "I tried to hold on Mr. Pool but Bantu is craftier and... handsomer than me." "Well I think you're pretty darn cute." Although Wade was technically a psychotic killer, things like this still made you smile.
The taxi drove over a pothole and your head hit Colossus's elbow. You opened your mouth to complain when a man's yell could be heard from behind you. "Dopender?" Wade said after a moment of silence. "Hmm?" He said continuing to drive. You glanced over at Negasonic, confusion written on both your faces.
"What was that?" Dopender smacked his lips together. "Uh... that was..." He gave a small, nervous chuckled and waved around his hand. You watched as he gave a small smile and quickly muttered the rest of his sentence. "Bantu. I-In the trunk." Your jaw dropped. You never pictured such a puppy like dude like Dopender to actually kidnap a dude. "It's always the ones you least expect." You muttered.
"Ban-Who?" Colossus said, cranking his neck up as best he could in the small space. "My romantic rival Bantu." Dopender said quickly. "He's tied up in the trunk. I'm doing as you said D.P. I-I plan to cut him like a Dentudi Fish and dump his carcass on Gita'a doorstep. Wade looked back at the glaring X-men. "I did NOT tell him to do that! Absolutely not!" Wade said pointing at Colossus.
"He got lost in translation!" Deadpool turned back to face the driver. "Dopender this is no way to win Gita's heart back!" He scolded. You looked as Colossus's eyes narrowed even more when Wade whispered. "I'm so proud of you." Then, more loudly, Deadpool continued. "Drop Bantu off safe and gently-like." "Kill him." "Then! Win Gita back! The old fashion way with your boyist charm!" Deadpool held open his hands as a gesture. "Kidnap her."
"Are you sure you guys wanted THIS guy for your team?" You asked Colossus. "He's super dead." Negasonic added, smiling. Dopender stared at Deadpool for a moment before turning back to the road. "Oh!" He braked sharply, stopping in a muddy in an abandoned lot.
"I presume a crisp high five?" Dopender said. He looked so happy for a guy who wasn't getting payed. Then again, in a way he was getting payed in knowledge. "For you? 10." They high-fived and you leaned forward. "Make that 20." You said before also high-fiving him. Then you handed him a 20 dollar bill. "Good luck with Gita my man." You said hopping out of the car after Negasonic.
"Ok guys let's go out there and make a difference!" Deadpool said enthusiastically as he was about to exit the car. Before he left, he quickly leaned over to Dopender. You were just close enough to hear what he said. "You know what to do." Deadpool cut his throat with his finger. Then, giving and receiving a thumbs up, Deadpool hopped out of the vehicle. "Knock them dead Pool-boy!" Dopender yelled.
Wade rubbed his hands together. "Time to make the Chmi-F*cking-changas." The four of you headed for the looming ruins in the distance and you cocked you gun, ready to take out anyone that stood in your way.
