Dwindling Secrets(The Grey Area Sequel)

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Nino POV

Some people are born good and always fight off the bad. Some people are born bad and become good through great effort. Others are born in light and fall to darkness. And others are born in darkness and cannot see the light.

You can try to believe otherwise, everyone fits into one of those categories. Which one are you? Are you good or bad? Light or dark? An angel or a demon?

I know who the fuck I am.

When I was coming up I realised the life ahead of me was one of anger, pain and hatred. Of darkness. Did I want that?

Yeah. I did.

I grew up surrounded by death and malice. It was the only thing I knew, so, of course, I wanted it. I was never taught what love was. What kindness was. In fact, in my entire childhood, I think I saw just one type of smile - a smile full of malice and cruel intent.

It was all I knew.

I was trained to be the perfect killer. Put a weapon in my hand and chances are I would use it to murder yo ass. As I started hanging around a few niggas from the neighborhood, I slowly moved my way into the drug game. I knew what the drugs would to you, I just wanted the same satisfaction that the fiends got, but mine didn't bring me closer to death.

I remember once having a conversation with my older brother, Tevin. I once asked him to describe his addiction. He looked at me with the dead eyes and said "Imagine a rat gnawing on your living flesh. Now imagine you had a magic stick to poke that rat away with in your hand, and if you poked that rat you would be filled with the most happiest fucking feeling of contentment and warmth. Imagine using that stick would bring you to a level of happiness you had never achieved before, a personal nirvana that you never wanted to leave. Now imagine you are told not to use that stick and to let the rat keep on gnawing. That's my addiction, that's why all these therapies and groups will never work. You can detox me all you want but that rat is going to come back one day and when it does I'm going to be reaching for my magic stick. Nothing will stop me. Escuchar Terell, no quiero acabar como me...all follada no poder cuidar de ti mismo. Confía en mí a que este estilo de vida no es lo que parece ser, una vez fue un distribuidor grande pero ahora estoy enganchado a la mierda juró nunca sería engánchate (Listen to me Terell, you don't want to end up like me...all fucked up and not being able to take care of yourself. Trust me this lifestyle ain't what it appears to be, I was once a big time dealer but now I'm hooked on the shit I vowed I'd never get hooked on)."

When people try to give advice to me I: Listen. Smile. Agree. And then do whatever the fuck I was gonna do anyway.

I think about that conversation on the daily, to try to keep my sanity in this hell hole. Ever since Kai and I had our little "scuffle", the warden decided to make an example out of me and sent my ass to solitary confinement for six fucking months. Even with all the power, I have on the outside, it doesn't really matter in here.

I got word a few days ago that Kai is supposed to be coming up here to talk to me, I really ain't feeling that shit at all. The last time I saw his punk ass he decided to show his ass off and thought he beat my ass. That lil nigga better be lucky I'm really trying to change my ways.