Hate & Lust

Toy

Five Months Later:
Jared and I were basically just fuck buddies now. He was no longer staying at Lunar and he was actually in his own place. Apparently, he and his brother are in a band. And they don't sound bad but I would never admit that to him. That's probably how he could afford to get the place so fast.
As far as the fairgrounds went, I still wanted to help Margaret and Pearl and
I still did help them out on the weekends but now, I worked at a liquor store.
The good thing about working in a place surrounded by one of my weaknesses, is that I couldn't indulge in it while there which kept me sober now for multiple months.
It was almost nine at night and I was closing the store when I got a phone call.
"Hello?" I ask leaning against the wall.
"You're not closed up just yet are you?"
"I can slow my roll, if you'd like to come visit really quick."
"I'm outside. I've been watching you sing and dance all around the joint." He says with a laugh and I walk over towards the front doors and see Jared on a motorcycle.
"Yeah? You like what you've been seeing?"
I hear a noise and can only assume that it means it's a yes.
"I thought you'd be packing up by now. I know you're almost done moving completely to New York and after that, you'd forget all about me."
"I can't forget you, Blaire."
"Why's that?"
"Well your ass is spectacular."
"Fuck you."
"Come out here and do it then."
"Seriously, you're hornier then a fucking rhino."
"How do you know about how horny rhinos get?"
"Biology. This kid and I had to do a project on a animals reproductive system. He was obsessed with rhinos. Let's leave it at that."
"Anyways, I've been missing you. And not just your ass or your tits. I've been missing your fucking attitude too."
"And I thought I missed yours. Now I know that I was just missing your cock because you're so fucking annoying."
"Want a ride home?"
"At what cost?"
"Sweet cheeks, I think we both know you're going to like what I ask for."
"I hate you so much Jared."
"At least the sex is good. Finish up what you're doing and then get your gorgeous ass on my motorcycle, yeah?"
"Fine. Thank you, Asshole."
I turn the radio off and lock the back door and slide the gate across the barrier and lock it to before walking to the front of the store and counting the change in the cash register before shutting the lights off and walking outside. Jared sits on the motorcycle with a stupid grin on his devilish face, a helmet in one hand, reached out towards me.
"Why are you here anyways? Don't you have a new play toy in New York?"
"Nah. They're all going nowhere. You at least have promise."
"Did you think I had promise when you saw me in the strip club?"
He raises his eyebrows.
"That's a fucking stupid ass question."
"Why?"
"Blaire, I told you that you were better than that place."
"That doesn't mean you thought I had promise."
"Shut your pretty mouth and get on the bike."
I put the helmet on and swing my leg over the seat.
"Hold on."
The engine of the bike roars to life and I do as I'm told.
"Yes sir."
***
My back slams into the wall as he pins me between him and the cold brick, his lips slamming into mine and his hands hold onto my waist tightly. I'll most likely have bruises tomorrow, but I can't help but love it.
I pull his shirt over his head to get a breath and he picks me up and I wrap my legs around him as he walks us to the couch.
"God I missed your fucking mouth." He says and I can't help but laugh.
"My fucking mouth? That's all you missed?"
He nips and places kisses on my collarbone and my neck and then he looks at me, into my eyes and for a moment, I forget to breathe.
"Well you already know bout your tits and your ass so other than that... I missed your mouth."
"Wow. Okay then."
"Your mouth does wonderful things, Blaire."
"Oh I see, you just miss it because I can suck your dick and that's all that matters to you. Sex is the only reason you stick around." I say as I unwrap my legs from around him and land on the ground.
I turn away from him and take a few steps away.
I don't know why all of a sudden I feel the way I do. I feel like I'm just an object for him. A sex toy. A constant late night call. It makes me feel, for lack of a better word... sad.
"Blaire?" He says and I feel his presence right behind me.
"I'm sorry." I say.
I feel his hand on my shoulder and then a tear trails down my cheek.
"Hey..." he starts but I shake my head.
"Please don't. Please." I say taking a deep breath and turning towards him.
"Thank you for the ride home. I think you should leave." I say walking past him and heading towards the stairs.
"Blaire, talk to me."
"I'm fine."
"No you're not."
"Don't fucking tell me what I am or am not. You don't care anyways. I'm not important enough for you to care about me. So... please leave and,"
I think about my next words carefully. What I say next could and most likely would ruin what Jared and I had. Which in all honesty, was not a lot, but there was something. There could never possibly be a future for us because the way he is and the way I am, we're too different. I don't want to fight with him everyday and that is exactly what we would do if he stuck around.
"Forget about the slut with the nice ass and big tits. You at least deserve a slut that you get along with." I say as I climb up the stairs.
"Blaire, don't be fucking stupid."
"Go home."
I hear him walk towards me and I feel anger boil up.
"Don't fucking come near me."
One step creaks.
"Jared stop."
Another step creaks. And another.
"I fucking hate you. You never listen. You're like a five year old boy who couldn't care less about manners or rules. You do what you want and that pisses me off."
"What are you really upset about, Blaire? Why are you so fucking angry?"
I remember about the time at Lunar. The night I figured out his last name, when I achieved ultimate stalker status, and when I had some of the most amazing sex I had ever had.
"I don't have to tell you anything."
"Don't do it for me. Do it for you."
"Don't pretend you fucking care about me Jared. I'm just your fucking late night call. You're object to just take whenever you want. I mean nothing to you and normally that wouldn't matter but..."
"But what?"
"Just leave me alone."
"Blaire."
"Fucking leave me alone."
"Fine. I'll leave you alone. But we aren't done having this conversation. Fucking stubborn as a mule." He says the last part under his breath as he declines the stairs and towards the door.
He opens it but look back at me.
"If we didn't hate each other so much, we wouldn't be each other's fuck toys. Don't blame it all on me. You play into it too." He says before leaving and closing the door behind him.
Without notice, tears start cascading down my face and I feel like my chest is going to explode.
I take one of my shoes off because I feel like throwing something and I do. It flies across the room and hits the wall then the floor. Not surprisingly, it doesn't make me feel better.
I hear the roar of the motorcycle outside and I see the headlight flash into a window and then leave as fast as it appears before he pulls away and leaves me just like I asked. Not surprisingly again, I feel even worse.