Shooting Star

Chapter Thirteen

Sirius laid in bed a week after being back at school. It was well past midnight, but he couldn't sleep. He couldn't breathe, for that matter. There was nothing he wanted more than to be with Eliza. She could calm him down; she always did. She would make everything okay.
He couldn't get to her, though. The barrier was killing him. He needed her. He needed her like he needed oxygen. Sure, he could wake up one of the Messrs, but it just wasn't the same. They would try, yes, and they'd help. But he wanted Eliza. He briefly wondered when he started preferring the company of a girlfriend over James, Remus, or Peter, but it quickly left his mind.
He got up and walked down to the common room. He stared at the door to the girls' dormitories. He needed to get up there.
So he started walking. He stumbled up the stairs, feeling like he was walking through tar. He wasn't sure how he managed to get up, but he did. He burst into her room and landed on his knees. He couldn't stand. He couldn't breathe.
Three wands suddenly lit up, and everybody sat up. "Where's Eliza?" He choked.
"Black?" One girl said.
"How'd you get up here?" Another said.
"What's wrong, Sirius?" Lily said, getting out of bed quickly and kneeling in front of him.
"Where's Eliza?" He gasped. His chest felt like it would implode.
"She's in the library. Come on, I'll take you." Lily stood up, holding out her hand to him. "What's wrong, Sirius?"
He took her hand and stood, but he couldn't talk.
She pulled him from the room. It was far easier to go down the stairs than up them. He gasped for breath every few seconds, following unsteadily after Lily. He couldn't even remember where they were going. She had said she was taking him to Eliza, though, right?
She pulled him through a door, whispering that it was okay as she did. "Eliza?" She hissed.
"Is this Lily Evans out of bed?" A voice that he couldn't recognize to save his life said.
"Shut up, Snape. Eliza, I need you to come here."
Snape? Why was Snape here? Why was Snape in the library with Eliza after hours? Why was Eliza with Snape after hours?
It got worse. Sirius fell to the ground. Why was she with Snape? He let out a strangled sound. "Sirius, it's okay. She's coming, don't worry." Lily ran her hand over his hair, her arm around him. He closed his eyes, clutching his chest, his body writhing.
"Sirius?" She said. It was her. It was Eliza. "Sirius, what's wrong?" He heard her running, and she knelt in front of him. She looked up at Lily.
"I don't know." Lily said. "He came up into the dormitory."
"How did he get up there?"
Sirius let out a pained noise, reaching for her.
Eliza came and wrapped her arms around him. He moaned into her shirt, digging his nails into his palms.
"It's okay, Sirius." She said sternly, tilting his head back so he could look at her. "Look at me, Sirius."
He couldn't focus on her. He couldn't breathe. His vision swam.
"Sirius, it's okay." She said, sounding kind of panicky. "Sev, can you go get Madame Pomfrey?" She said.
Did she call him Sev?
"No." Sirius choked out. "No."
"Severus, please." She said.
"No." Sirius repeated.
"We'll all get in trouble." Snape warned.
"Go, Snape!" She said.
"No." Sirius said.
"Sirius, look at me." She said. She kissed him. "I love you, Sirius. Calm down, okay? It's okay."
He couldn't calm down. "I want to die." He gasped out. "Please kill me." This was unbearable. Life with this feeling was unbearable. He didn't want to live for this feeling to come again.
"Sirius, it's okay." She knelt in front of him.
"I need you." He choked out.
"I'm right here, Sirius. Calm down. It's okay. Breathe, Sirius."
He was breathing. That was his problem. He was hyperventilating. Did that not count as breathing?
"Sirius. Look at me. It's okay."
He was already on his knees. He dropped down and put his forehead to the floor, covering his head with his hands. He made a pained noise. "Help me."
"I'm trying, Sirius. Sit up, okay? Come on. Just breathe, Sirius."

Snape came back with Madame Pomfrey. She did something, and he passed out. She levitated him to the hospital wing. "I suggest the two of you get to bed. You can visit him tomorrow." She told us.
He would freak out if I wasn't there when he woke up, I was sure of it. "Madame--"
"Bed, Miss Taylor."
"Okay." I said.
"Are you okay?" Sev asked.
"I'm fine." I said shortly.
"Why are you angry with me? I haven't done anything."
"I know, Sev. I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
"Thank you." He said.
"For what?"
"Forgiving me."
"I was never angry." I said quietly. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You had the right."
"Lily isn't going to get over it." I said. "I'm sorry, Sev."
"It's okay. I'll live, I guess."
"Yeah."
"What was wrong with him?"
"I don't know."
"Oh."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
I got back in the dormitory and Lily questioned me, but I had no answers. I just thanked her for bringing him to me.
I was woken while it was still dark by Professor McGonagall. If woken's the word. I wasn't sleeping well anyways. "You're needed in the hospital wing." She said.
I followed her there.
Sirius was raising hell. He had knocked the table beside his bed over. "I need Eliza!" He screamed, hyperventilating. I'd tried to tell her.
"I'm here, Sirius." I said, coming into the room.
"Eliza." He said, stopping in his tracks, his breathing almost immediately slowing.
"Hey, Sirius." I came towards him cautiously. I thought it to be quite awkward, what with McGonagall and Pomfrey watching us.
"Why were you with Snape?" Sirius asked quietly. McGonagall and Pomfrey closed the curtains and walked away. His voice broke, like he actually thought I would do that.
"Are you being serious?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"It was the middle of the night. You two were alone. Can you blame me?"
"Do you not trust me?"
"No, I do. I just..."
"You're just what? Insecure?"
"I am not insecure."
"You're the epitome of insecure, Sirius. Look, you're going to have to trust me."
"I do trust you. I don't trust him. I'd be perfectly fine if it was most anybody else."
"Sirius."
"Why were you with him?" He started breathing harder.
"Sirius, I wouldn't cheat on you."
"I know." He said, clutching his chest. "I know, Eliza. Please don't be angry. I'm sorry."
But how was I supposed to be mad with him having a panic attack? "Okay, Sirius. Calm down. It's okay." I put my hand on his arm.
He forcefully slowed his breathing.
I wrapped my arms around him. He exhaled into my hair, his body relaxing.
"It's okay, Sirius." I whispered.
"It is now."
"What did you need last night?"
"You."
"I was there."
"I know. You not being in your bed and Snape being there threw me for a loop."
"Sorry."
"Are you friends now?"
"Yeah."
"Lily's cool with it?"
"Yeah. She told me to."
"Oh."
"Why are you flipping tables?"
"As I said, I wanted you. And then you weren't here."
"Spoiled brat." I laughed, ruffling his already ruffled hair.
He slapped my hand away. "Not the hair, Taylor."
"Mr. Black." McGonagall said. "Do you want to explain yourself?"
"I'm quite messed up, Professor."
"Why were the two of you and Mr. Snape out after hours?"
"Severus and I were studying." I said.
"Are you going to make me tell you this?" Sirius asked desperately.
"I'm afraid so, Mr. Black."
"Well, I was freaking out, and so I went up to her room--"
"How did you get there?"
"I don't know. I just did. And Lily said she was in the library. So I went to the library, and I don't know what happened. I just lost it."
"And what was wrong, Sirius?" She asked, her voice softening for once.
"I don't know, Professor." He looked down.
"Miss Taylor, why would you and Mr. Snape be studying in the middle of the night?" Her sharp voice was back.
"Well, see, whenever Lily, Remus and I try to study, Black and Potter insist upon interruptions. When they're asleep is the only time we can study. I'm not sure about Severus, though."
"Are you all right, Mr. Black?"
"Yes, Professor."
"That will be all. You need to see Madame Pomfrey before you leave. You're free to return to bed, Miss Taylor."
Sirius put his hand in mine: a sign that I wasn't to leave. I followed him to Madame Pomfrey.
"Feeling all right, Mr. Black?" She asked.
"Yes." His grip was tight on my hand, like he was tired of people asking that.
"There's nothing I can do for you." She looked miserable about it. "I'm sorry, Mr. Black. I suggest that whenever you start to panic, you find something that calms you down."
"Such as?"
"It can be anything. Wizard's chess, messing around with your friends, or even Miss Taylor. I can research breathing techniques and get back to you. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as it calms you down. And is within the rules of the school. Does that happen often, Mr. Black?"
"No." He stared at the wall beside her head.
"Are you all right, Sirius?" The Fat Lady asked him. She loves him.
"Yes, I'm fine." He sounded irritated.
"Are you okay, Sirius?" I asked when we got in the common room.
"I said I'm fine!"
"Sirius."
"I'm fine." He said quietly. "I don't know what happened."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow." I kissed his cheek.
"No." He grabbed my hand. "Stay with me. Please."
So we sat down on the couch for the rest of the night.