Shooting Star

Chapter Sixty-Four

Sirius decided he wanted to go back to work, but I wouldn't let him. It was too dangerous to be in the Ministry now, and I didn't want him there.
"You had to pick now, Sirius? Maybe a few months ago, but you can't go now. This is stupid. No." I sighed.
"What am I supposed to do while you're gone?" He whined.
I shoved a book into his hands. "Have fun, love. Tell me something new when I come home." I smiled and disapparated.
"Hey, Ms. Strout." I smiled when I walked in. "How are you?"
"I'm all right. How are you, dear?" She was looking around nervously, knowing people were watching me.
"I'm all right."
"Any word from Harry?" She asked, even though she knew full and well that I couldn't tell her if I had.
"No." I sighed.
"Mr. Bodes has been asking for you." She patted my arm and walked off.
I went into Mr. Bodes' room. "Hey, there. How are you?" I smiled, already uncomfortable and he hadn't even noticed my presence.

"Pain is weakness leaving the body." That's what they'd say over the sound of his screams as they tortured him. "The pain's making you stronger."
Bullshit the pain was making him stronger. It was a way to deteriorate his body and mind into submissive obedience to their evil.
"Practice on your brother." They'd tell him, picking up his wand and handing it to him.
He wouldn't ever do it, so they turned to Regulus. "Practice on your brother." They'd say, and he would.
Sirius stared at the floor, every part of his body burning, feeling like it was ripping apart. He knew that not all the scars were from his parents; some were from himself, some were from a particular werewolf, but they all hurt nonetheless.
"Pain is gain." They'd said. But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes pain is just pain.
"For the greater good." The words echoed in his head.
Eliza had told him that child abuse was not 'for the greater good,' but that didn't stop the ghosts from coming around every so often.
He had just let his kid--James' kid--disappear into thin air in the middle of the worst part of the Second Wizarding War. Good parenting. He chastised himself.
"Fuck." He whispered, sitting down right where he was, in the middle of the floor, his head in his hands.
He didn't even notice Moony walking through the door until he spoke up. "Hey, Padfoot. You all right?"
"Moony!" He grinned as he jumped from the floor. "Hey."
"Are you all right?" Remus repeated.
"Yep, I'm good."
"What happened to your wall?" He looked at the hole that Sirius' fist had made in the wall.
"Oh, well. You see. The night of the wedding, I kind of lost my shit--"
Sirius cut off as Remus shoved him against the wall. "Did you hurt her?" He hissed. "Because I swear to God, if you even laid a finger on her, I will end you."
Remus had his arm pressed against his throat a bit too hard, but Sirius still managed to choke out, "No, you know I could never hurt her."
"Are you sure? Because I think you could, if you were drunk enough, or maybe if you had nothing else to fucking punch--"
"What's your problem, Moony?" Sirius shoved him off, gasping in a breath.
"Nothing, but that was a real threat, Black. Touch her, and I'll make you wish you were dead."
"I already do, Lupin. You could at least be merciful and kill me. I'm not going to hurt her, Remus. If I did, I'm sure you'd be the first she'd tell, but by the time you got to me, I'd already have killed myself. You know very well that I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her. What's the matter with you? Shouldn't you be with Tonks?"
A tear dropped from his eye, but he quickly swiped it away. "I can't. I've got to leave. I can't..."
"And why the hell is that?" Sirius demanded.
"I'm a fucking monster, Padfoot. I can't bring that upon them. That baby--"
"Shut the fuck up." Sirius interrupted harshly, his fists balled at his sides. "Shut the fuck up, Lupin. You don't know what a bloody monster is."
"I could hurt them, Sirius! I could kill--"
"You never killed us. You can't leave them because you're scared, Remus. Don't be a bloody coward." He spat.
Remus blinked. "I--"
"You aren't a bloody monster. Monsters can't love. You love Tonks, and you love that kid."
"I do love them. But once a month, I'm an uncontrolled monster. It's better--"
"You're going to leave Tonks to raise your baby all by herself? You are a coward, Lupin. You're a bloody coward."
"Can I stay here for the night, Padfoot?" Remus asked softly.
"For tonight." Sirius' tone didn't change. "Then you're going back to Tonks. Write her a letter telling her where you are. You can't lecture me about something I didn't even do to my wife when you're being an asshole to yours."
"You don't get it, do you? Tell me: Don't you wish that you hadn't had a father, rather than have had to go through all he put you through?"
Sirius shoved him against the wall, like Remus had him earlier. "Coward." He hissed. "You'll be a bloody great father, you fucking asshole. You love the kid. My father didn't love us. You'll take care of the kid. You'll be his father, and he'll call you Daddy, and run up to you and hug your legs, and tell you he loves you. And he will love you." He took a step back apologetically, crossing his arms. "You won't be with them on full moons anyway. They and Eliza can stay together, like she and Lily did. That kid's gonna love you, Remus. It's gonna be okay."