Between North and South

CHAPTER 23 - HOPELESS

Four months passed before they were together again. Azren’s not even supposed to be in Cagayan de Oro but she wanted to celebrate her birthday with her other family.

At the dawn of her natal day, she woke to the unified voices harmonizing outside her room. She ignored it thinking that it could be just a part of her dream but the volume increased and she finally decided to check outside.

"Happy birthday, Azren!" All of her cousins chorused as they finished the song.

Uriah was there too and he handed her a bouquet of white and pink roses. Sabina's holding a cake and the others held balloons. Denise and Harmony held the birthday tarp and Gus was holding a guitar.

"You guys! You're making me cry!"

"Happy birthday, dear!" Melanie kissed her on the cheek.

"Happy birthday, Ren." Gary hugged her before handing a gift bag. "Here's our present."

"Thank you!"

"We're sorry to wake you up. We just wanted you to experience an actual mañanita," Alistair said while hugging her.

"Don't be. Really, I'm touched. And to be honest, this is actually a first. So I owe you!"

"Really? Why so?"

She shrugged. "We have a different way of celebrating."

"Well, you're lucky to be part of this family." Alistair declared proudly. "What you don't experience in your wealthy environment, you experience with us."

"Wealthy?"

"We know you're rich." He winked.
She laughed to mask her embarrassment. "Psh. Well, I'm lucky to have you as my family."

As she savored the joy of celebrating a simple birthday through sharing Filipino delicacies such as suman, biko, boiled sweet potatoes, hot chocolate, sliced bread, spaghetti, pork and chicken adobo, and the birthday cake made by Sabina—she realized further the differences of her families and how that affected her as a person.

Raised with luxury, spoiled like a princess, and surrounded by people of the same state as her, she used to not appreciate the simple joys of life. In Manila, their celebrations were always grand. Gifts were expensive, foods were ordered from renowned providers, and thousands of pesos were spent for different celebrations.

Throughout her existence, she had no birthday celebrated at home. It was either they travelled abroad or to a certain province in the country. But here she was today—holding a piece of suman and a cup of hot chocolate in her hands—simply celebrating her birthday by being surrounded by the family that didn’t fail to make her feel loved and appreciated.

I've never had these on my birthday. I mean, I've eaten all of these delicacies before but being told that Mama, my siblings, and some of my cousins made these themselves, has made it more delicious compared to everything that I've tried before.

Watching them, I realize how this family taught me that we don't need riches to feel genuinely happy. That we must learn to appreciate life's simple joys. And that financial wealth doesn't always equal genuine happiness.

“Mind if I join you?” Trinity sat beside her and without further ado, she said, “Happy birthday, Ate.” She handed her a silver paper bag and added, “My gift. It’s nothing fancy but I hope you like it.”

Azren thanked her and carefully opened the top. She pulled the content out and was shocked to see four large wooden jigsaw pieces—the size of a short bond paper—that formed a perfect rectangle when put together. The pieces were actually photo frames and each housed different photos of Azren with the Burgoses.

“Oh my God. This is beautiful, Trin,” she beamed at her. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it. You can put them together through the locks at the back and hang it on the wall. You can also change the photos if you like.”

She shook her head. “No, this is perfect. I won’t change the photos.”

Trinity nodded and sipped from her hot choco. “And it might be late,” she met Azren’s eyes with an apologetic smile. “But I’m sorry for everything that I’d said that offended you. To be frank, I really don’t like Isaac the way you thought I did. He’s a good man and I’m happy that he’s with you. But I’m just really sensitive when it concerns our family. I wanted Auntie Lanie to be happy and I thought that your undivided attention will serve that.” She shook her head. “But I guess I was wrong. You’re doing so well in balancing your time for them and for him. I’m sorry for doubting you.”

This was a perfect birthday gift. I’ve been waiting for her to apologize and explain her side and though it took her a while, I kind of feel like now was the perfect time.

Azren pulled her in a hug and said, “Thank you, Trin. This means a lot to me.”

Later that day, they all drove to a beach outside the city to continue the celebration.

***

Shopping is one of the things that Elvira enjoys doing with Azren. Hence, once the latter returned to Manila, she soon brought her to the mall. As they checked for some dresses, Elvira asked about her plans for Christmas and Azren admitted that she’s planning on celebrating in Mindanao.

"You were there recently. Can you move your visit to summer? Our family's annual gathering in Taguig is this coming twenty-second and we'll be in Batangas with the Fuenteses on New Year."

She sighed. "I just wanna make it up to my family in CDO this Christmas, Mom."

"Az, that's not your obligation." Without hearing a response, she added, "This can't go on forever."

"What, Mom?" She asked, a little worried about what she's about to say.

"I can see that you're happy with what's happening with your life and I support you. But, dear, you can't treat Cagayan de Oro like a kitchen."

She smiled faintly. "I know, Mom. It's why I'm enduring talking to them through the phone."

"Aside from that," she went on. "When you went there the first time, we had a clear agreement that it was only to meet Melanie and your relatives. But now with Isaac, I know, I can feel that he's the greatest magnet that keeps on attracting you to that place."

That reminded her of Trinity's words. "That wasn't my intention."

"Honey, no matter how you deny it to yourself and to us, it's obvious. There are things that you can't see but other people can."

So what does this mean? "Don't you like him for me?"

"Az, I can see that he genuinely loves you. But what if you end up with each other? You're twenty-three and soon for certain you'll think about settling down. When that happens, I just hope that you won't leave Manila and Edificio. It's your dad's heirloom."

"I won't," she assured.

"Then start thinking things thoroughly. We like Isaac. He's hardworking and he's a good man. What we're asking is for you to stay here close to us. Please, don't leave Manila for Cagayan de Oro."

I’m not even planning on it. Yes, I love Uriah and I want to be with him but every time that I picture our future, it’s always us living here in Manila and visiting Cagayan de Oro on special occasions and vacation. I’ve told them about this but do I have to repeat it over and over to reassure them?

“Mom, what if I choose to live there? When the time comes for me to settle down.”

"I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for you to leave Manila, Azren," was her brief, blunt response after a long moment of intently looking at her daughter.

I get her point and I have the same thoughts. But can I really make Uriah choose? What if he doesn't choose me? What if he opts to stay in south? Can I endure it? But isn't it too early to make him choose?

"Mom, remember what I said on Dad's birthday? You will always be my home."

"But once you have your own family, they will be your home," she smiled faintly. "Just don't be too far in building your own home."

Even without her asking, I’m definitely staying in Manila. Yes, I love being with Mama Lanie’s relatives but my soul belongs here. And if Uriah’s the one for me, I hope that he moves to where I am.

“I’ll… make sure of it, Mom.”

“Thank you, honey. But I have one more question.”

“What is it?”

“Is it true that you asked Iñigo about changing your middle name?”

Oh shit. “He told you?” Why would he do that?!

“Do you want to change it?”

“I’m not sure, Mom. I’m torn.”

“Because?”

“I… I want Mama Lanie to be happy but I know that in exchange, you and my cousins will resent me. They clearly warned me not to do it but I also can’t help thinking about Mama Lanie’s feelings. She didn’t ask me about this but I know she’d be delighted if I did it. Because as you can see, Mom, it’s already sad for her that I don’t carry her surname, so not resembling her makes it sadder.”

“Yeah. Why did you have to resemble Arissa?” She chuckled. “Kidding aside, I don’t want you to do it, Az. I—no—my whole family gave you that name. You can’t throw it away.”

She nodded. “And it’s a long process. I’ll have to change every single record I have. But if you will allow me, I’ll endure going through it.”

“I don’t want you to,” she repeated. “But of course, you are an adult now. You have all the right to decide.”

“I know that, Mom. But do you know what I’m most scared of?” She smiled wearily. “You and the Natividads disowning me.”

Her eyes widened a fraction. “I will never disown you, Az. You are my daughter no matter what. And like I said, your father and I had been unfair to Melanie. We deprived her of you. We took away her daughter. We took away her right to be your mother. And we lied to you. So if one day you decide to change your middle name, I will understand. I’ll be hurt but I’ll understand. And I’ll help make your cousins understand. I doubt they won’t, though. They’re good people. You know that.”

“But then… being a Natividad on record is the only tangible proof that I am one. That I belong to your family.”

“Of course not!” Elvira disagreed sternly. “You are more than that. You may have been born a Burgos but you were raised and molded as a Natividad. Character wise, you are more of a Natividad than a Burgos. You’re even more of a Natividad than a Fuentes.” She smirked. “But if you don’t want to change your name, I’ll be relieved and happy.”

She sighed. “But don’t you think that it’s unfair to you? Weren’t you questioned by those who knew?”

“Of course I was,” she checked another dress and replied as if it wasn’t a big deal. “But their opinions didn’t matter. Only mine and my family’s did.” She met her daughter’s eyes and smiled mischievously. “That’s one of my strengths, you know. If it doesn’t benefit me, I won’t care about what other people say.”

“One that I got from you, I believe.” She chuckled. “I’ll reconsider the name change, Mom. I’m really unsure for now because frankly, I love having Natividad as my middle name.”

Elvira nodded. “Okay. Tell us once you decide. But still… I’d love it if you retain my name.”

As Christmas approached, the chances of flying back to Cagayan de Oro slowly faded. Three days before it was a dilemma. Azren finally told Melanie and Uriah that she can’t come due to the family gatherings she had to attend.

"I'm really sorry, Bee. The Natividads are expecting me to be with them in Taguig. I shouldn't miss the tradition and I don't want to disappoint my cousins."

"How about me? Is it okay to disappoint me?"

She sat on the foot of her bed. "I'll try to make it on New Year. I can't say no to them. This family accepted me, remember?"

"I hoped so much. We promised to spend the last two dawn masses together."

Her heart constricted. She really wanted to go. She wanted to spend the yuletide with him and her relatives. But how? Both Natividads and Fuenteses have annual December gatherings. She can't reject the Natividads, and though she’s not as comfortable with the Fuenteses, she wanted to be there for her grandfather and father.

"I'm sorry, Baby." Was all she could say.

“I understand. But will you make it on New Year?”

"I don't know. I don’t wanna make promises."

“Finalize it,” he almost begged. “Too many plans will be canceled.”

"I know. Please understand. Please. We're talking about my family."

"You also have a family here," he reminded. "You should've just told me your uncertainty. I'm sure for now I have saved enough to go there instead of wait here."

Her blood unexpectedly boiled. "Am I the only one who should think? You should've done that. Why? Can't you save without me telling? That's your initiative! You should save for yourself and not for other people. Not for me. Save to prepare. Save because you don’t know when you will need the money!"

He didn't answer but she heard him sigh and demanded him to talk.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered defeatedly. “Let’s not fight. I understand. I’m sorry. I just really wanted to see you.”

“Oh, baby. I also want to be with you. I’ll try. I’ll try on New Year.”

And she did. She immediately booked a one-way ticket after talking to her grandfather. He fully understood her situation and allowed her to skip the gathering with the condition that she will spend it with them next year. She couldn’t wait to go, however, nature intruded and sent out a destructive typhoon two days before her departure.

"Don't risk it. It's too dangerous," Uriah said when they talked through phone call.

"When this recedes, I'll go." Azren answered stubbornly.

"It's impossible. The forecast said that this will last for two more days. I want you safe. Don't come."

She raked her hair out of frustration. "I'm really sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's out of our control. Have you checked on your mom?"

"Yes. It's raining hard but fortunately there's no flooding. You?"

"There's no flood here in RER. But—high—"

"What? Hello? Bee, are you still there?"

"You're—in and out."

And the line cut off.

Azren: Bee, you were choppy. Let's just text. :(

She tried calling again but all she could hear was a female voice saying that he’s out of reach. And it was only half an hour later when she got a text from him.

Uriah: I just got your text. :/

What?! Damn it!

Uriah: I couldn't call. Something's off with the network.

Azren: How great.

Fifteen minutes passed before a reply came in.

Uriah: I'm sorry. The power's off and my siblings and I are fighting for power banks. I might not be able to text you until the power returns tonight. :(

This is painfully frustrating! We can overcome the distance as long as we have the communication but without it, this relationship is hopeless!

I never thought that our situation would be this difficult. I imagined everything will go smoothly because foremost, our families approves of us. Second, spending for my travels just to see him isn't an issue. And lastly, there's no third party. But damn. How could I miss the acts of nature? How could I miss that it’s not always in our favor? How could I miss that family affairs could complicate and change our plans too? This is extremely frustrating. Can we really go on like this? How long are we willing to endure?