Between North and South

CHAPTER 24 - DRUNK

The sky looked like a painted masterpiece with the sun's rays imperfectly yet beautifully spread. Gold, red, orange, and a touch of blue, she sighed at the view.

"He should be with me right now."

It's the sunset of January 18 and Azren and her friends are having a late celebration of Autumn's twenty-fourth birthday in the relaxing Crystal Beach Resort of San Narciso, Zambales. They traveled for almost four hours from Manila and arrived at nearly ten in the morning. After a short rest, they went to surf, seizing the two-day escapade.

"You miss him, I suppose," said Farrah who was seated beside her.

"Very much."

"Don't you find this difficult, Az?" Rebecca queried.

“Of course, I do. Before, I thought that distance will be our lone problem. But I was wrong. There were so much more.” She raised her left hand and started enumerating. “Communication, transportation expenses, finding the similar free time to talk longer, and uncertainties,” she dropped her hand. “I thought constant texting and calling will be enough. But no. It’s different when you have no physical connection. Like the relationship is pointless in LDR.”

"Girl, you forgot something." She turned to Farrah. "One more LDR problem, you won't have all the time to know each other deeper. It'd be hard to figure out when he's genuine and not, when he's lying or not, when whatever and not whatever. You know what I mean?"

"I agree. Why do you endure this? There are others interested in you, you know." Sophia suggested.

It's just the four of them talking since Ramona, Thea, and Autumn are enjoying the sea with their partners while the other guys are surfing.

"I love him." Was her simple reply.

"You can still love somebody else, right? I think it's not too late for that. You were able to love someone miles away from you, so I'm pretty sure that you can love someone within your reach." Farrah replied encouragingly.

"And one more thing, how certain are you that he's the one? Or that you're his The One? Are you seriously enduring this for an uncertain relationship? The times that you spent with him, you could've spent it with somebody near to you. Someone who can be with you physically. Someone you can get to know easier," added Sophia.

"I'm not in a hurry. And who knows? He might move to Manila and find a job. When that happens then we'll be closer."

"The question is: had he thought about it?" Farrah again.

"Wow," Rebecca was in disbelief. "Amongst us all, you are the greatest advocate of DATE TO MARRY. What happened now? As far as I could remember, you never get into a relationship for fun. You enter into a relationship with someone who met your husband standards. Are you truly willing to marry someone you barely knew?"

She couldn't find the right words to say that she just stared at the last ray of the sun.

"Az, think about it. You're nearly a year as a couple but you were only together for a number of times that I can literally count with my fingers."
All she could do was sigh at the reality that Sophia presented.

The ladies left to swim after a while. From afar, she saw Gavin leaving the waters and approached her with his signature sexy grin. He was topless with a black board shorts on, and even from this distance and twilight, his sex appeal was difficult to miss.

“Hey,” he nudged once seated beside her.

“Hey to you too,” she replied. “So you finally decided to talk me, huh?”

“Huh?”

“Come on. Stop pretending. You’ve been distant recently. You stopped texting and stopped inviting me out. You didn’t even sit with me inside the van on our way here.”

He scoffed. “And what? Let myself struggle from moving on?”

“What?”

“Tss,” he folded his knees and perched his arms on them. “I’m doing us both a favor, Az. By lessening being with you, I’m helping you avoid conflicts with your boyfriend while I’m helping myself to move on.”

“Is this really how things work between friends of opposite sex?” She finally asked after being quiet. “Is there really an unspoken rule that you have to stop hanging out to reassure your partners?”

Gavin took a moment of contemplation. “It doesn’t apply to everyone. But you and I had feelings for each other, Az. I still do. And that’s a threat to your partner. If we didn’t have, though, then we can meet without worries.”

“But I don’t intend to cross the line.”

“I don’t either. But we can never tell. Also, the other fact that he’s miles away from you makes it more difficult for him to be at ease. No, actually,” he corrected. “I bet even if he’s living nearby, he won’t be at ease.”

“That didn’t happen when I dated Tristan,” she recalled. “We were free back then.”

“Because we were purely friends back then,” he stated a matter-of-factly. “You weren’t attracted to me and I was busy with other girls. We weren’t threats to our partners.”

“Oh,” she looked down.

“Yep.”

“I guess you’re right. It’s better this way—for all of us.”

Gavin hummed. “It’s difficult for me but I’m sure things will work out in time.”

She turned to him and offered a grateful smile. “Thank you, Gavin. I missed you and I’m really happy that you’re here with me today.”

He looked away but couldn’t help a smirk. “I feel the same, Az. I missed you more than you can imagine. And I’ve tortured myself enough by keeping distance from you. So here I am seizing this rare opportunity of being with you.”

“Good.”

“Yeah. But I have to make sure that we’re not alone so I won’t think about kissing you or being intimate with you.”

She flushed. “Hey!”

He chuckled. “I’m just being honest.”

“Tss. Fine. Let’s not be alone,” she let out an amused laugh. “I didn’t expect you to be this vulnerable with me.”

“Were you not vulnerable when you were in love with me?”

She laughed louder. “Sometimes. But often, I was a pro at suppressing my feelings.” But not with my feelings for Uriah, I guess, because I gave in so easily.

“Well, good for you.” He pushed himself up and told her, “I’m diving back. Wanna come?”

“Nope. I’m done swimming for tonight. I’ll start preparing dinner, though.”

“Okay. I’ll be quick and then help you.”

“Thanks. Call Mona and Brian too.”

Since they were at the beach, they agreed to have a Budol type of meal. But instead of banana leaves, they used aluminum foil on top of the table and creatively arranged the food on it. They prepared rice, pork and chicken barbecue, roasted shrimps, and a variety of fruits.

And, of course, what’s so fun without drinking by the beach? Right after cleaning up a bit when dinner’s over, the guys popped open the first bottle of the Black Label they brought. Then Farrah played some party music through a Bluetooth speaker and when the alcohol kicked in, the crazy dancing followed.

“We haven’t done this for a while.” Gavin whispered to Azren when they paired up.

“Yeah, I missed it.”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AUTUMN! WOOOH!” Brian screamed and started grinding himself with the celebrant. Everyone laughed including Autumn’s boyfriend who’s quite entertained by the fact that Brian danced better than his girlfriend.

As the disco went on, the shots were continuously passed around too. At some point, Azren got tired and decided to relax by sitting on the sand. Gavin joined her and while waiting for her turn to drink, she rested her head on his shoulder and admitted that she was already dizzy.

“Then that’s enough drinking for now.”

But she protested. “It’s okay. I can still handle it.”

One glance and Gavin confirmed that her eyes were closed, he signaled the others to spare Azren which they understood right away. But it didn’t take her long to realize what’s happening. She opened her eyes and voiced her complaint.

“Hey, where’s my shot?”

“Wow, Azren! Eager much?” Lewis answered beside Thea.

“No! I just noticed that I haven’t had mine twice now!”

“Because you’re too drunk!” Sophia said this time. “Take a break for now.”

She pouted. “No fair! We’re all drunk here, people!”

“You never drink this much, Azren! We know what you’re doing. You think drowning yourself in alcohol will solve your longing for your boyfriend?” Rebecca spat coldly.

“Oh, come on, guys!”

“No, Azren Louiza, that’s enough! You’re in your worst drunken shape!” Autumn chastised sternly.

“I can still… handle it… Autumn.” Her words dragged.

“Oh my God! Gavin, take her to the room, please. This is unbelievable! Is this how it’s gonna be unless Isaac’s with her?”

She ignored her and leaned her head on Gavin’s shoulder. But Gavin was already on the move in helping her stand.

“Take her inside, Gav.” It was Ramona who said it this time. “Make sure she’s settled on the bed and doesn’t do anything stupid that could hurt her!”

He waved her off. “Yeah, yeah. I will.”

Her legs didn’t have enough strength to carry her weight, hence, he carried her in a bridal manner. It took them less than a minute to reach the room she shared with Sophia, Farrah, and Rebecca. He opened the door with the key that Sophia lent him and scanned the room for her bed and found it with the help of her familiar luggage.

“You can’t lie down just yet.” He helped her sit on the floor, leaning against the mattress and started dusting off the sand from her body. “My God, Azren! You really are a mess.” He whispered helplessly. “You were never this stubborn and devastated with your break up with Tristan. Tss. You got it really bad, huh?”

She groaned. “Help me change my shorts.”

He stared at her. Her eyes were drooping and her skin was red from her drunkenness. He sighed and left her to find some clean clothes. From her luggage, he pulled out a pair of cotton black spaghetti strap and shorts and handed it to her. “Get up and change.”

“I’m tired,” her words dragged. “Help me out.” But she unbuttoned her dirty shorts anyway and pushed it down her legs. Thankfully, she was already changed into a pair of maroon bikini top and bottom earlier before dinner.

Tsk! Seeing her in bikini was never a big deal but seeing her taking off her shorts triggers something in me? Ridiculous! Well, I guess it’s not a strange reaction when you’re into someone. Too bad, Gavin. You were a fool to miss your chance.

He swallowed and fully removed the garment from her and slipped the new shorts into her long and flawless legs. “You’re torturing me, Az,” he admitted helplessly.

She scoffed. “Why?”

He only tsked until the shorts reached her waist. Then he met her eyes and stared at them painfully. His gaze drifted to her lips and he started to breath heavily. Fight it off, Gavin. He whispered to himself.

Reading him clearly, Azren’s lips rose and she gripped his chin with one hand. “Don’t give me that look, Maxon. You already missed your chance.”

“It’s not too late, right, Az? You’re not married to him. You can still change your mind. Your feelings can change too.”

She chuckled and let him go. “I wish it was easy.”

He wanted to say more but he didn’t want them to have this conversation while she’s drunk. Hence, he instead started to slip the spaghetti strap over her head but she refused and asked him to lay her on the bed.

"Tsk. I told you to drink less." Gavin muttered and scooped her from the floor.

"Ugh!" She groaned, finally feeling the soft mattress under her helplessness. Then when Gavin began to detach, she suddenly locked her arms around his neck and pleaded, "Baby, don't leave."

Unbelievable. "Az, let go." But she tightened her grip and he crushed on her. Bothered by their position, he tries again to untangle her but even to himself he admitted that it was a halfhearted attempt. “Az…”

"I miss you so much, Uriah. Don't leave, please."

He sighed tiredly. "Az, it's Gavin." He steadied himself and firmly held her hands, determined to finally untangle her from him.

Azren realized the truth and started sobbing. Yeah, right. The person I love is miles and miles away from me. The person whose mine but couldn't even be with.

She didn’t want Gavin to see her crying, so she faced the wall instead. But he already saw what’s happening and started running his smooth hand on her arm in the attempt to console her. And she was glad that he's there. Even if he didn’t say a thing, his presence comforted her.

"I miss him." She trembled. "We're struggling."

"I'm sure he misses you, too. Be strong, Az."

"I want to see him," she sniffed, sat up, and faced him. Desperation painted her eyes. "I want to be with him! I hate this set up!"

A deafening silence enveloped them and he wiped her left cheek dry before saying, "You'll get through it. With love… you'll get through."

She laughed. “You were just telling me about my feelings changing and now you’re cheering me up?”

“I want you to be happy.”

She groaned and buried her face between his neck and shoulder. "Oh, Gavin. Why couldn't I just fall in love with you again? Everything will be easier if I choose you, you know. I don’t have to endure LDR and I don’t have to work on the Fuenteses’ approval."

“I’d love it if you choose me. But I don’t want you to choose me because I’m the easier option. I want you to choose me because you love me.”

Silence, once again, dominated them. Outside, their friends were laughing over the music and the sound of the calm waves. Whereas inside this room, there breathing filled their ears.

This would’ve been really romantic if things were different. I know it’s wrong but I wanna kiss her. Can I be vulnerable tonight? Just for tonight. I want to feel her against me. But will she forgive me then?

He pulled away to see her eye to eye and brushed his fingers against her right cheek. Unconsciously, her eyes drifted to his parted and nearing lips. Seeing them, she recalled how much she wanted to feel them on her. She recalled how much she wondered how it would feel to be kissed by him. And slowly, their faces neared and she knew that it will only take one more move for their lips to touch.

"I wanna kiss you," he admitted vulnerably.

"Will you?"

As to why that was her reply, she didn’t have the time to decipher because in a split second, she felt him on her. Gentle and inviting. She closed her eyes and slipped her arms around his neck as he ran his hands against her skin.

She started to heat and she failed to suppress her moan as their kisses intensified; even louder when he showered her throat down to her chest with light ones. Moving back to her mouth again, she finally found the courage to stop him. He didn't protest though his hands were still on her waist. She let out a curse, realizing how stupid she was a minute ago. But when he gripped her nape for another hungry kiss, she once again responded. He's so good at it that she couldn't resist. At some point, he sucked on her lower lip, making her open her mouth and giving him the chance to plunge his tongue inside. It was warm and she liked it. She shut her eyes and raked her hands through his hair and pulled him closer—as if there was a gap to close.

Oh, I missed this. I missed the feeling of being kissed and wanted. I’ve craved for it so painfully long. If only Uriah’s was living close to me, we could do this everyday. I wouldn’t be this hungry and—what the fuck?! What are you doing, Azren?! This isn’t Uriah you’re kissing! Wake up!

And she found the will to pull away. She opened her eyes and called Gavin’s name as she hugged him. “Don't give me the opportunity to sin,” she pleaded. “I love you and I don't want our friendship to be ruined by doing this.”

As the realization hit, Gavin sighed and sunk into her arms. "I'm not sorry for kissing you. I've always wanted to since the day I realized I love you. And honestly, I don't want us to stop." He broke away and tenderly held her face as he said, "I'm sorry for enticing you." He left a kiss on her forehead before adding, "I admire and respect your love and loyalty for him. And as your friend, I'll never cross the line again. Unless needed," he sighed. "I love you, Azren." He languidly kisses her for the last time before leaving her to sleep.