Lights Please II

14: Time To Retire

Tess

"Stop playing with my nipple, the fuck wrong witchu?" Jermaine mumbled. It was Saturday morning and after making up last night we just been laying in bed, sleeping in some.

"I missed your nipple," I laughed giving it a kiss.

"You fuckin weird Tess,"

"Okay Mr. Grumpy,"

"Love you though babygirl," he said with a lazy grin.

"I know... I love you too," I ran my hands up and down his torso aimlessly.

"Enough to deal with my morning wood or nah?"

"No... I'm still sore—and I wanna talk to you... we haven't talked in months, I missed you..."

"We have the whole day to talk I need to bust a nut right now—"

I blinked at him.

"Please?" he smiled before kissing my temple.

I eventually gave in, giving him head that made his eyes roll back and all that crazy shit before we got up and went to the shower where we proceeded before getting dressed for the day. After drying off I just watched him as he grabbed his sweat pants and a t-shirt to wear. I couldn't stop thinking about it, he was going to propose to me.

"Baby, can I ask you something?" I softly said.

"Hm?" he asked as he threw his shirt over his head.

"While we weren't talking... did you like—do anything with other girls? Honestly..."

He shrugged, "I was going out a whole lot more... entertaining shit I probably shouldn't have been but... I ain't kiss or mess with no one like that—"

I just nodded, "Okay.... Do you still wanna marry me?"

"I just think we have a lot of shit to still work on Tess if I'm bein honest... we gotta do that shit the right way—and right now, we gotta focus on getting back to a good place, I still got a lot shit I want to talk to you about and understand why you did what you did."

"Ask me whatever you want then," I said holding onto my towel.

"You attracted to him?"

I shrugged, "No... I mean—he's an attractive guy but what happened was a mistake—neither of us meant for it to happen."

"You done it more than once?"

"No, just that one time—"

"Y'all still talking?"

"No," I looked down.

"Then we good... just don't let me catch that nigga in these streets cause then it's on site I'm knocking him the fuck out,"

"Baby," I said frowning.

"Naw... it's an ego thing—I already dealt with you and forgave you for your mistake, but I ain't dealt with him. He messed with you knowing good and well you had a man didn't he?" He said and I nodded. "then he should be ready to catch these hands for coming for mines."

"Jermaine why can't you just let it go please?"

"I did let it go," he shrugged, "and don't act like you ain't never gotten crazy over Brandy or some other hoes I used to mess wit—"

"Okay no," I said as I walked towards my chest of drawers to find something comfy to wear, "we not gonna do that... we agreed to leave that shit in the past can we not talk about it?" I couldn't help it. But hearing him say her name or refer to his hoes, it made my blood boil. Shit pissed me off. I didn't wanna have to hear about it again.

"How you want me to not bring it up when we in the same situation again?" he said following me as I pulled out an oversized sweater and another pair of leggings.

"I don't know Cole," I shook my head. "But I'd just rather not talk about that stuff because it takes me back to that dark place I was in when it all happened and I don't want to do that,"

"Whatever man," he shook his head.

"What do you want to eat?" I changed the subject.

"I don't care really, I'll eat anything..." he shrugged. "I'm going to the studio later by the way we working on the Dreamville mixtape... you wanna come through? I'm thinking about signing this singer she's dope as shit... vocals out of this world—"

"You wanna sign a girl?" I asked him as I tied my hair up.

"Yeah, we expanding and shit—she's a cool girl too,"

"I'll come through, if you want.." I mumbled before we made our way downstairs to the kitchen.

"How's your music going though baby? You haven't told me anything about it...." He sat on the counter as I started to take out stuff to make brunch.

"It's going good... I have enough tracks for my EP it's just narrowing it down and making sure I know the story that I'm tryna tell you know?"

"Yeah yeah I feel that..." he smiled, "I'm excited for you baby, this is about to be a whole new world for you—"

"I'm nervous as shit though you know? I'm used to being behind the scenes and doing the writing.. I don't know how well I'm gonna be received as a performer,"

"Don't even doubt yourself Tess you're gonna do amazing, I'll throw you an EP release party advertise you on all my social media shit," he chuckled.

"An endorsement from J Cole himself wouldn't hurt," I laughed as I broke 4 eggs into a mixing bowl.

"Nah forreal though baby, I'm super proud of you and you doing this on your own too no push from a major label or nothing... that's shit I always wanted to do starting out—cause now I'm stuck with this contracts and shit that limit my creative freedom and artistic integrity—shit, sometimes I think it's time to retire—"

"As a self acclaimed J Cole groupie I refuse to accept that, you're not retiring..."

"Okay, but as my girl..." he said "you've known about how I feel about this... the business is stifling,"

I turned around to face him for a bit, giving him my full attention, "The word retirement is just so... permanent I dunno... it's your passion you know, I don't think you can just retire it like that,"

He nodded, "Ofcourse I can't baby, but I can translate that passion into something else—I'm prayin about it—" he said which made me smile.

We were in a comfortable silence for a while as I went back to cooking.

"I for one, would be bummed if you never put out another record."

"What if I did some Sia shit? Like hiding myself and my life—make it all about the music,"

"You already do that though... you hide out no one knows anything about your personal life.. you only come out when you headlining festivals or when you promoting some shit—"

He shrugged, "yeah I guess... I don't know baby," he mumbled.

"At the end of the day you have to do whatever makes you happy bubs, and the rest of the world is just gonna have to deal with it."

"Yeah," he said lowly, "I just have a lot to think about regarding my career and shit..."

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