Author's Note: Remember to read my new Teen Wolf fic. I just posted chapter 2 today.
QOTD: Favorite Hale?
AOTD: Derek Hale
Derek sat next to you on the couch, staring at the ground. You twiddled your fingers, waiting for him to speak first. You couldn't think of anything to say to him.
You and Derek had been dating for a year, and it was wonderful, aside from everyone trying to kill you and all of your friends dying. Since Derek lost half his pack, and you lost Allison and Aiden, things had been different. You didn't talk as much as you used to. You didn't cuddle. You didn't laugh. He had become just a person in your life. He was just sort of there, and that scared you. It made you think that you had somehow managed to fall out of love.
"Do you still love me?" Derek finally asked after much deliberation.
You couldn't simply give him a yes or no answer, because neither choice would be completely correct. You knew that you had loved him, and that you would always cherish memories of him. You knew that you couldn't live without him, but you were fine being distanced from him. "I loved you more yesterday than I do today."
When you had arrived home earlier in the day, Derek was there. He asked what was going on, because he knew that it wasn't the same. You wanted to tell him that no love can ever be as strong as it is when it first starts. A fire can get bigger, but it has to die out eventually. You couldn't tell Derek that your fire was gone.
"I don't think I could ever love you more than I did the first time I told you how I felt," Derek sighed. "But I want to."
"Is this what love is supposed to feel like?"
He shook his head, putting his hands on the back of his head. Part of you wanted to move closer to him, but the other part told you to stay put.
When you first started to feel for him, you didn't want him. You didn't want to be in love with his coldness. You wished you could despise him, and as much as it hurt to deny your feelings, you missed those days.
"What would you do if I died today?" He asked suddenly.
Your head snapped up, surprised at the strangeness of the question. You wanted to look into his mind and see what he was thinking. "I'd die, too. Maybe not literally, but part of me would definitely be dead."
"I know what you mean," he grumbled. "Which is why this needs to work. We can't live without each other. We just can't."
"We've tried to make it work, Derek."
"No, we haven't. You've tried, and I've tried, we've never tried. We used to be a team, and now it's me against you. We want to blame each other for everything that goes wrong because we can't face the people we are when we don't have each other."
"You mean... you don't like the person you are, and you feel responsible for everything that's happened this year. You want to blame me for it, so you don't have to watch me be in pain, and wonder if you could have done something."
"Yeah," he said.
"I love you, Derek, but it's kind of hard when you're trying so hard to hate both of us."
"I know."
You looked him in the eyes, filled with so much pain and misery that you wanted to take away. His eyes were so dead; you just wanted to give them some life.
You took hold of the sides of his face, and kissed him. You hadn't been as close in so long, and it felt new. You realized that you had both been mistaken to believe that your relationship should suffer just because of all the grief you were feeling. All that time, it could have been the one good thing in your life. That's what love is supposed to be.
