BROKEN

chapter 3

I still remember vividly what had happened that particular day. It will always forever remain one of the worst days of my life.

I stood in front of my mum and dad having told them I had something important to discuss with them. I didn't even know what I was doing or what was going through my mind at that particular moment but I knew I needed to tell someone what was going on and there was no other person but them.
"I am pregnant"I blurted as I watched the expression on both of their faces. Mother looked shocked and surprised with her mouth in awe but all that was on fathers face was disappointment as he adjusted how he was sitted on the chair, removing his glasses and putting down the book he had been reading. He was disappointed in me and I could tell. But at that point, I had no other options and I couldn't even hide such for so long. He had such high Hopes for me and he was always so quick to show me off to his peers but now his one and only daughter was in front of him telling him she was pregnant.

"zeenat, what are you saying"mother quickly responded coming closer to me to probably check if I was in my right senses or was possessed by some demon.

"can you imagine!!! Maryam(my mother's name)!! Your daughter is pregnant"he screamed.

"I thought I trained her well, I taught her every single thing and I even gave up so much just for her to be okay!!! But the only way she could repay me was to get pregnant!! She is just in her second year of college and this is what she has to show for it!!! Before Marriage!! I thought you knew better than to disappoint me!! I thought you had a goal in life. But you just want to spoil my reputation and the name I have built!!"he said angrily!!

"I love him father!! And I know he loves me too!!"I said as mother pulled me closer to her self and tears crawled down my face. The stupid me couldn't even think of how my parents were feeling about what had happened. I was only thinking of him.

"zeenat!! I trusted you!! I had so much faith in you!! I believed you were going to make me proud!! I regret the day I called you daughter"he said but then suddenly he held his chest and fell to the ground.

******************
"doctor,what's wrong with my husband!!"mother inqueied as the doctor came out of the emergency room.

"He just suffered from an heart attack" the doctor explained as I wiped the tears that flowed down my cheek.

"zeenat, stay with your father, I need to go get him some drugs"mother said as she left me in the room with him.

I moved to the side of the bed where father was. I bent down and saw that he was asleep. but then I picked up his hands in mine while the tears flowed down my cheek. At that point I realized what I had done. How I was the one that put him in the state he was suffering because of my stupidity and naivety.

"father I am sorry, I caused you a lot of problems I know I am not the ideal daughter that you wanted but I promise I will be different, I will listen to you from now on. Just please get well soon. I promise to make you proud someday. You won't be embarrassed to call me your daughter. I promise to never leave you and to always love you father!! Just please wake up!! Please don't leave me now, I still need you"

"father I am sorry!! Please forgive me"I added and suddenly I saw father open his eye and then he spoke.

"zeenat... I love you and I.. "

Before he could finish his statement the life supporting machine started beeping and it was a flat line. he could not speak again"

"we lost him"the doctor said as he faced me and mother

"NO!!! you can't leave us now!!!"mother screamed as I hugged her tightly and silently cried but within and outside we had only ourselves to console one another. I held tight to father as if I was trying to wake him up and at least hug him one last time. I was devastated, angry, frustrated and I just wished it was me that was in that position instead.

*******************

"I killed him"I said whispering to my self as I held tightly to his picture close to my chest wishing I could hug him instead right now.

"I killed my own father"I said again as the tears dropped continuously from my face. Nothing was going to change that fact and no one could bring him back. My mistakes made that happen to him. He suffered for my own mistakes and now he was gone.

I don't think there will ever come a day I will forgive myself for what I did to him. He loved me, he gave me the best things a father could give a daughter. He was always there being my greatest cheerleader and making me believe my dreams were valid and could come true. He made sure I went to the best schools, he made sure he gave me everything I needed or wanted even if it meant borrowing or selling any of his stuffs for me to be able to get it but then I did this to him. This was the way I could repay him and it hurt, it hurt so much I was sure I would never heal from that much pain. No one could heal from that much pain anyways. I fell in love and I got pregnant. Love has made me lose so much already than it ever gave me. love hurts and I don't think I can ever heal.