BROKEN

Chapter 22

   I stared into Layla's eyes as I watched her sleep peacefully on the hospital bed. I was sitted on a chair  next to the bed. I couldn't help but worry about what the doctor had told us this morning. After waiting for the doctor to come out of the icu yesterday, he came out eventually telling us Layla was stable and they weren't sure what was wrong with  her yet so they were going to be conducting series of tests. He came by this morning telling us the results were out and Layla had leukaemia(cancer of the  blood).  She was going to be starting chemotherapy soon and the doctor said  she had very high chances of survival because it was just in it initial stage  but I was scared, I was extremely scared. I couldn't lose Layla. Why does things like this even have to happen I thought as tears flowed uncontrollably from my eyes.

   "Mummy" I looked at Layla and I hadn't even noticed when she woke up.

   "Yes baby" I said as I held her hand in mine.

"Are you crying, please don't cry" she said, in a low tone as she stared at me in the sweetest way ever. 

    "I am not crying" I said wiping away the tears from my face immediately as I forced a smile on my face.

   "How are you feeling dear" I asked as I bent over to her cupping the side of her face in my hands.

    "I am fine mummy, don't worry too much about me. I am going to be okay" she said and then I wondered were this little girl got so much strength from to speak like this. It was beyond me but I wouldn't lie about the fact that it kept me going and made me want to keep fighting.

    Mother entered minutes later. She had gone to pick up some stuffs from home for I and Layla.

    "Welcome mum" I said as she walked inside.

"I still think you should go home dear, you need all the rest" mother said trying to convince me since.

   "Mother, I don't want to leave Layla's side.

"Hey" we both looked in the direction of the voice at the door and it was Usman. There was an emergency at work yesterday and he had to travel so he couldn't make it here till now.

    "Usman" I said as I walked up to were he was standing and then we both walked out of the room.

   "Mother told me everything the doctor said, I wish I was here earlier though" Usman said apologetically.

   "It is no problem" I assured.

"You look pale, have you even slept a bit. You need to go home to rest." He said concerned.

   "I am fine" I replied folding my hands together. I was a bit cold.

   "How are you holding up" he asked and the tears were beginning to form again.

    "Fine, I guess" I said with a shaky voice. And Usman just stood looking at me knowing fully well that I wasn't in anyway okay. I wasn't.

    I couldn't hold it in anymore as I immediately hugged Usman tight. I needed that hug. I needed that peace, that safety, the feeling that everything was going to be okay. He wrapped his hands around me as I let the tears flow freely.

   "Let it out, you don't have to be so strong, it's okay to cry" he said and that was what I continued to do. I cried.

    "I am scared Usman, I am very scared. I don't want to lose my baby, I don't want to" I said releasing my self from the embrace.

  "Come, let's sit" Usman said as he held me to where the chair was.

    "I have faith that it is all going to be fine, I need you to have the same faith. You need to believe that nothing is going to happen to Layla. She is going to recover fast and come out even stronger" Usman said

   "I have been a bad Mother, she has always been a perfect, bubbly, sweet little girl. She was always positive about everything. I should have gone for those events at her school, I should have helped her more with her homework, I should have made her hair. I should have spent more time with her!!" I said as the tears came running down again.

   "Don't blame yourself now Zeenat. You need to be strong for both of you. You are going to do all what you said and more because nothing is going to happen to Layla. All I need from you now is that positivity that Layla spreads, that positive energy and spirit. You need to give that to her now that she needs it the most."

   "I will try, I am just so scared" I said, as I placed my head on his shoulder.

   "It's all going to be fine, you need to be strong for Layla" he said and then I felt a little bit stronger with his words and his presence.