Amnesty | Book 4

t e n

TERENY
"Tereny, what are you doing here?"

Antoinette asked me as I walked through her front door. She looked as if she was shocked to see me stepping foot through her door. And maybe it was shocking since I'm never in my right mind. But I just couldn't bare to sit around the house. Bruce was so involved in his own thoughts that it didn't occur to him that I grabbed my car keys and left. He probably doesn't even realize that I'm gone.

"Where's Bruce?" She asked me.

"He's at the house." I answer her.

"Shouldn't he be with you? Um...you shouldn't be driving all by yourself like this." She walked over to me and took the keys from out of my hands. I didn't mind her taking them.

I didn't plan on leaving.

"So how's the baby? You got any sonograms?" She asked me.

I removed my purse from my shoulder and opened up my purse, pulling out the sonograms that Dr. McGee had given me and handed them over to her. She took them and looked down at them with a smile on her face. When she looked back up at me, her smile had then started to change once she realized that I wasn't smiling back.

"How far along?" She asked me.

"About three weeks."

When I answered her, she looked at me as if I was scaring her. She closed her eyes slowly and opened them, her eyes full of tears. She already knew as well as I knew.

"Oh my God, Tereny." She wrapped her arms around me. I didn't bother hugging her back in fear of me crying again.

Antoinette pulled away from the hug and grabbed my hand, pulling me into her kitchen. She walked me over to the table and sat me down. While I was seated, she walked over to the stove and cut it off. She turned around and looked at me. 

"Want some tea?" She asked me.

"No, thanks."

I watched her as she poured her pot of tea into a container just before pouring her some in a mug. She set the container into the refrigerator and walked her and her mug over to me and sat down right next to me. The steam from her tea had caught my attention just before she had started to speak.

"So, what are you gonna do?" She asked me. "About the baby. Are you gonna keep it?"

I looked down. I mean, on my way to Antoinette and Chavez's house, I thought about abortion. I have so many mixed emotions, I'm unsure of what to do with the baby. But I'm sure of my mom found out about Bruce not being the biological father of the baby that I'm carrying, she would still want me to keep it. It just bothered me. 

"Tereny, I know you're not thinking about abortion? You can't do that." Antoinette said to me as she rubbed my shoulder.

Just the touch of her made my eyes water. I couldn't help myself. The tears had started coming and I was then wailing like a baby.

Antoinette lifted me up from my seat and wrapped her arms around me. I'd had enough of this whole Paci situation. Why couldn't he just disappear for good? Why did it have to him who impregnated me? I was pregnant before all this and you mean to tell me that I lost my child and had no clue only to be pregnant by a rapist? How is that even possible?

"It's just so hard! I can't go on living with the pain, Ant. I just can't." I cried as she rubbed my back for me. "How am I going to raise this child and explain to it that the reason it's here is because I was raped? I can't explain that to a child." I couldn't help but think negative about the situation. It hurt the most. "I can't give birth to his child."

"Tereny, yes you can. You can give birth to that baby. And the baby doesn't even have to have his name. That's the best part." She tried cheering me up but was failing miserably.

"I can't keep the baby, Ant. I can't." I said as I pulled away from her.

She was looking at me with sympathy. I sat back down in my seat and covered my face with my hands. Antoinette touched my left hand and intertwined it with hers.

"Tereny, I promise that I'm here. I'll never leave your side. Whatever you decide, I'm with you one hundred percent. And it's not because I agree with it..." She paused. "It's because I love you."

She held me tight. Almost like a mother holding their child. I felt safe. I felt calm. I felt like nothing in the world could hurt me. I just felt good about myself for the first time in a long time.

Even when Antoinette pulled away from our embrace, I felt good. I wiped the tears from my eyes and just stood there as if I were lost.

"Let's let Bruce know that you're here, shall we?" She smiled and took her phone out of her back pocket.

I was going to object, but I figured he needed to know where I was in case he just so happens to snap out of what he's stuck in.

Watching patiently as she dialed Bruce's number. I pinched my lips together once I heard the phone start to ring. She put the call on speaker so that I could hear. It didn't take long for Bruce to pick up.

I swallowed hard and awaited for a response.

"Yea?" He answered plainly.

"Bruce...do you know that your wife is out and about right now?" Antoinette asked with a bit of an attitude.

"No she's not. She's in the..." He paused for a moment. I could hear our bedroom door squeak open.

It took him a moment to say something else and I just couldn't believe that if I was there, he wouldn't have at least come to make sure I was okay. I mean, this was my body that was mutilated and now I'm carrying a baby behind mutilation. I'm humiliated. You'd think he wanted to console me although his pride was hurt. That's what a real husband would do.

"Is she with you?" Bruce asked.

"Yes. She's safe. I'll just keep an eye on her. Don't worry about her. Just come and get her when she gets ready to leave. I don't feel safe with her being out there on the road." Antoinette told him just before hanging up the phone.

"He isn't even worried about me." I say, my eyes getting a little teary. Antoinette shook her head and sat her phone down.

"Come here." Antoinette wrapped me in her arms again.

The tears that I had been holding in, I could no longer hold them in. It was becoming too much. And for all I know, Bruce is just not worried about me anymore. This conception date answered his suspicions and now he's deciding he doesn't want me anymore.

Our marriage has fallen apart. And it all started with me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know if I should return home. It already seems like it doesn't matter if I'm there or not.